Why Am I So Tired All the Time After Divorce? (Even When I’m Sleeping More)

5 Key Takeaways

1. Exhaustion that sleep doesn’t fix is usually rooted in a negative belief, not a sleep problem. You won’t feel rested no matter how many hours of sleep you get. It’s often because an underlying belief like “I’m not safe” or “I’m not enough” is keeping the nervous system activated even during rest.
2. The body can stay “braced” long after the crisis is over. Even after the divorce paperwork is finalized, the schedules are sorted, and the short-term chaos has passed, your nervous system can remain stuck in a hypervigilant, on-alert state if it never learned how to fully downshift.
3. Compartmentalizing takes real, measurable energy. Maintaining emotional “compartments” — keeping unprocessed grief or trauma boxed off so you can keep functioning — quietly drains energy in the background, even though it doesn’t feel like active effort.
4. Rest and belief-work have to happen together. Body-based practices (nature, breathwork, meditation) aren’t enough if you’re not also identifying and shifting the negative beliefs underneath the exhaustion — both sides have to be addressed for real recovery to happen.
5. New habits feel harder than old ones because of how the brain is wired — literally. Using the concept of neuroplasticity, long-reinforced patterns (like chronic busyness or stimulant reliance) create strong “neural pathways,” while new, healthier patterns start out fragile and require deliberate reinforcement to take hold.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why am I still exhausted even though the divorce is finalized and things have calmed down?

You still feel exhausted after your divorce because the nervous system doesn’t automatically downshift just because the external crisis has ended. Even after the ink is dry on the divorce paperwork, litigation is over, and schedules are sorted, a woman can still be exhausted because negative beliefs are keeping her body in a chronic pattern of bracing. This is common and not a sign that something is wrong with you: your body learned to stay on alert for a real reason, and it takes intentional work to teach it that alert mode is no longer necessary.

Why doesn’t sleep or rest actually recharge me anymore?

Sleep can’t recharge a nervous system that’s still operating from a place of perceived threat. This is often called “wired and tired” — women are physically exhausted while the nervous system remains on high alert, anticipating something bad happening even when nothing currently is. This is often connected directly to underlying beliefs (such as “I’m not safe,” “I have to be perfect,” or “I’m not enough”) that keep the body in an activated state regardless of how many hours of sleep you get. Until those beliefs are addressed, rest tends to stay surface-level rather than reaching a deeper, cellular level of recovery.

What role do negative beliefs play in chronic exhaustion?

Negative beliefs play a central, often invisible role in chronic exhaustion. These beliefs aren’t just background noise — they actively keep the body in a state of bracing that blocks true rest and recovery, even when women consciously want to relax.

Why does emotional or trauma-related work (like EMDR or IFS) sometimes leave me feeling more tired, not less?

Emotional or trauma-related work takes a genuine amount of effort. The mind and nervous system are actively doing something, even if it’s not physical. Maintaining emotional compartments (i.e., keeping certain feelings or memories sorted away so you can function) uses real energy, and beginning to process or unpack that content can make you feel tired. This is a normal, expected part of the healing process rather than a sign that something is going wrong.

What are some ways to help my body actually recover and stop feeling exhausted?

You can recover from exhaustion and move forward from asking, “Why am I so tired all the time?” by incorporating belief-focused and body-based approaches in your daily life:

• Identify the specific negative belief driving the fatigue. This happens through therapeutic tools like EMDR, IFS, or homeopathic remedies, rather than just addressing fatigue on the surface.
• Use bilateral stimulation techniques, such as bilateral journaling or “butterfly tapping,” to help process and release stored tension.
• Practice intentional breathwork, especially if you tend to breathe shallowly under stress.
• Spending time in nature, especially near water, can be deeply calming and grounding, particularly when done without headphones or distractions, to help the nervous system register safety.
• Practice thought filtering.Actively noticing and reframing negative self-talk is essential — without it, even nature walks or meditation may not fully shift the underlying pattern.
• Be mindful of what you’re listening to during exercise or downtime. High-intensity music (like aggressive rap during workouts) can keep the nervous system feeling “amped” and unsafe, while calmer music signals safety to the body — worth considering if you finish workouts still feeling wired rather than calm.
• Avoid overtraining the body when trauma is unresolved. High-intensity training (like marathon prep) can cause more stress for someone with an unresolved trauma history, since it can reinforce a body-wide state of “not enough” — not enough energy, food, or rest — rather than supporting recovery.

Is it normal to still feel exhausted years after the “hard part” of divorce is over?

Yes, it’s normal to still ask, “Why am I so tired all the time?” after a divorce and feel exhausted despite no longer spiraling, crying, or dealing with active chaos. Fatigue can linger well past the short-term crisis and it isn’t unusual or a personal failing. Chronic exhaustion is a sign that your nervous system hasn’t yet fully downshifted from the heightened state it adapted into during the hardest parts of the divorce. Recovering full energy and capacity is possible, but requires addressing both belief patterns and body-based regulation directly rather than assuming more time or more sleep alone will resolve it.

Highlights

• 00:00 “Divorce Exhaustion: Healing & Rest”
• 03:27 “Taking Responsibility and Resetting”
• 08:06 Breaking the Cycle of Exhaustion
• 10:27 “Self-Sabotage in Dice Rolls”
• 14:17 “Blocking Beliefs and Rest”
• 17:30 “Breaking Exhaustion’s Emotional Cycle”
• 20:26 “The Struggle After Choosing Divorce”
• 25:19 “Reinforcing Pathways and Fatigue”
• 27:38 “Learning to Breathe Again”
• 30:54 “Nervous System and Attraction”
• 35:20 “Creating a Safe Environment”
• 39:09 “Join Heartbeat: Healing Through Receiving”
• 40:31 “Thank You for Healing”

Full Transcript

Dawn Wiggins [00:00:00]:

There was a point after my divorce where I kept thinking to myself, I should feel better than I do. I wasn’t spiraling anymore or wasn’t crying all the time. I was doing less and sleeping more. But it’s like my body never got the memo and I was so exhausted. Like toothpicks in the eyelids exhausted. And I remember lying there thinking, why do I still feel so tired, so on alert, Like I’m anticipating something bad happening, but just like feel I’m moving through molasses. Even though this big scary thing is over. What is going on with my body? Hi, love.

Dawn Wiggins [00:00:41]:

Welcome to Dear Divorce Diary, the podcast helping divorcees go beyond talk therapy to process your grief, find the healing you crave, and build back your confidence. I’m your host, Dawn Wiggins, a therapist, coach, integrative healer, and divorce. Join me for a fresh approach to healing grief and building your confidence after divorce. In today’s episode, we are going to talk about two main contributors to divorce or post divorce exhaustion that will not quit. Even when you’ve tried all, all the supplements and all of the adaptogenic whatevers and you’ve tried resting and you’ve tried gummies and you still feel exhausted, right? So we’re gonna talk about the underlying belief that keeps driving your nervous system to be jacked so that rest is like not landing in your cells. But we’re also gonna talk about the body based piece because we know the body keeps the score, right? We’re maybe so tired of hearing that and not sure how to get it to like unhook. So we’re gonna talk about how my body stayed braced. Joy and Tiffany’s bodies have stayed braced at times because it hasn’t yet learned how to receive rest and downshift.

Dawn Wiggins [00:02:03]:

So you’ll definitely want to hear the beliefs that continue to drive fatigue, the body based behaviors that help unhook fatigue. And then you’re going to want to stay to the end because we have a bunch of listener shout outs planned and you’re going to want to know if it’s you. Okay, ladies, we have had an adventure this morning already. Should we, should we, should we tell them?

Coach Tiffini [00:02:27]:

Yeah, yeah.

Producer Joy [00:02:28]:

It’s been magical, right?

Dawn Wiggins [00:02:32]:

So life be lifeing over here. And sometimes we get into record and it’s like we have two choices. We could either pretend that life isn’t lifing and there’s nothing to manage, nothing to process, and we could just perform the podcast right, where we just shove down whatever stressors the three of us may or may not be going through. Or we pause and we connect with each other and we process. And I’m pretty stinking proud of us. We just did the latter. We paused, we processed. We use tools, like live inside of our recording software.

Dawn Wiggins [00:03:06]:

Right. Because between performing for you ladies or being authentic and practicing what we teach, we want to do, we want to practice what we teach.

Coach Tiffini [00:03:16]:

Right.

Dawn Wiggins [00:03:16]:

And we don’t want to show up like hollow on the podcast.

Producer Joy [00:03:19]:

So.

Dawn Wiggins [00:03:19]:

So I don’t know, ladies, how are you feeling now that we paused and processed together this morning? Our stressors.

Coach Tiffini [00:03:27]:

I feel so much better. I needed to downshift, and I’m going to take the responsibility. It was on me this morning. So I just. And that’s one of the things that I love about working in this business is, like, I do have a tendency when I’m super activated to try to just push through and do that boss bitch mentality. And this morning, it was just not going to work, and Don was not going to accept my performative bullshit. And so she’s like, go take a remedy. We’re gonna process it.

Coach Tiffini [00:03:51]:

And so I feel so much better. I feel like I’m stepping in authentically rather than just hanging out behind my. My hustling. Hustling girl mode. Yeah, absolutely.

Dawn Wiggins [00:04:03]:

Yeah. But, like, it toggles between the three of us on any given day. Right?

Coach Tiffini [00:04:07]:

Well, it’s okay. Like, we’re just really good over here about noticing when one of us is off and then being able to come to the table with it and then also noticing that because I was the. The cause of the delay in recording this morning, this overwhelming need that I felt like, to apologize. I didn’t apologize, but I felt that you come up in me that I felt like I had to apologize for being the bottleneck this morning.

Dawn Wiggins [00:04:30]:

Yeah. Yeah. Like, you’re not worth the time we spent to love and support you or whatever.

Producer Joy [00:04:34]:

Something like that.

Dawn Wiggins [00:04:35]:

Or, like, I don’t know, is, like, the word waste. That’s not the right word.

Coach Tiffini [00:04:39]:

Like, yeah, it’s like, oh, my God. Like, why. Why is it my fault that I’m coming in so dysregulated that, like, now they’re having to stop what they’re doing to, like, deal with my shit? Like, yeah, it’s all that.

Producer Joy [00:04:50]:

When you said you the first time you said pre recording, right when you said. And now I feel the need to apologize, but I’m not going to. Like, it literally gave me chills. Because that is the magic of linking arms together is understanding, because it’s happened to me so many times. Right. Like, so many times where I’m the one that comes in and I’m a millionaire. Places and things and life is life be happening and the. The grace and understanding and love.

Producer Joy [00:05:24]:

But it’s so ingrained in us to suppress and push it down and zone in and binky blinders on to completely. I don’t know if also, I don’t know if that’s the right term. It’s a TV show, but I’m the horse blinds. That is what I do.

Coach Tiffini [00:05:43]:

This.

Producer Joy [00:05:43]:

This is what I’m doing is I’m, like, zeroing in on something. So.

Dawn Wiggins [00:05:49]:

And I want. I want to really highlight here, like, one of the things that really frustrates me about the Internet is how many people sell a solution but don’t live it. And you can see it when someone is selling nervous system regulation or selling a particular, like, therapeutic process, but they’re still really struggling with certain illnesses or diseases. Like. Like the people who are, like, selling mitochondria. Like, you’re my. If your mitochondria isn’t healthy, you’re not healthy. But they’re not addressing the mental emotional piece.

Dawn Wiggins [00:06:26]:

I don’t know. I just got in the weeds there. But what I want you to hear us say is we really pride ourselves in walking the walk, walking the talk.

Producer Joy [00:06:37]:

Yes.

Dawn Wiggins [00:06:38]:

Like, we can’t teach you that you’re worthy and then not treat each other in real time like we’re worthy. And so much of abundance and manifestation is about the capacity to receive, which is what this week’s. Not this week. This month’s Premium workshop is about.

Producer Joy [00:06:57]:

Right.

Dawn Wiggins [00:06:57]:

Which we’re gonna talk about at the end of the episode. But the key to healing is being able to receive. And that’s all it was this morning.

Producer Joy [00:07:04]:

Right.

Dawn Wiggins [00:07:05]:

Is you being able to receive love and support this morning. Tiff.

Producer Joy [00:07:07]:

Tiff.

Coach Tiffini [00:07:08]:

Thank you, guys.

Dawn Wiggins [00:07:09]:

You’re worth it.

Coach Tiffini [00:07:11]:

Lila, put the.

Dawn Wiggins [00:07:11]:

Frenchie says you’re worth it. She just licked the microphone. Okay, darlings, let’s talk about exhaustion that isn’t solved by rest. I think it’s a very modern phenomenon that. I don’t know. Do you think our grandmothers experience this exhaustion that wasn’t solved by rest? I don’t know. I’d be fascinated to ask that. I really think it is conditioned by being working technologically advanced society of women.

Dawn Wiggins [00:07:41]:

You know what I mean? Like, I think there’s all this extra exhaustion and expectation for us to keep going past our capacity. Past our capacity. Right. So one of the things we’ve been talking about is how tired we are. How much we’re relying on caffeine. I don’t mean us right now anymore, but I just mean as women, right?

Producer Joy [00:08:04]:

As women.

Dawn Wiggins [00:08:06]:

How much we rely on caffeine and various stimulants to keep going when no matter how much we rest or sleep, we can’t seem to recharge or catch up. Now, there are two things we’re going to really primarily talk about today, which is there’s beliefs under there that keep it going, but then there’s also some body based retraining that has to be done. Let’s talk about the beliefs that drive an exhaustion that won’t reset. And, and let’s also make sure we touch on the fact that it’s hard for women to believe that what I’m saying right now is true. I think that the fact that your body isn’t able to fully recharge is actually rooted in a negative belief. I think that’s hard for women to really connect with. If you haven’t done like emdr, ifs, or used a remedy and felt that profound like state change that happens the moment something unlocks or clicks or some belief shifts. I think it’s really hard for women to buy into until they’re like, oh, that’s what you meant.

Coach Tiffini [00:09:19]:

Well, because everybody wants to blame it on external factors, right? They just want to blame it on the fact that they’re in divorce, you know, their ex won’t stop texting them, they’re having co parenting struggles, they can’t mediate. There’s all these things that I feel like we want to reach for when we don’t understand that it is simply our capacity to receive and be in some semblance of control that is sort of manifesting our exhaustion in a sense.

Dawn Wiggins [00:09:47]:

Yeah. Can I give an example? And I don’t know if it’s gonna land. If it doesn’t land, you could, we could delete this, right? But we talk sometimes about Mario on this podcast.

Coach Tiffini [00:10:00]:

Raw Gamer Girls.

Dawn Wiggins [00:10:01]:

And I really find that playing Mario Party with my people has really helped me spot negative beliefs that are stuck inside of me, which is fascinating, right? Like, dawn, do you ever give it a rest? Maybe not. So there were a couple of times this weekend where let’s say I was like, four moves to getting the star. All I had to do was roll.

Producer Joy [00:10:25]:

A four or more.

Dawn Wiggins [00:10:27]:

Four, four or more. And I would have gotten a star, right? And then I’d move, I’d roll a one and then let’s say like I was three to start and then I’d Roll a one and like, I’ve seen too much in my life to deny that. When all you need is like a basic roll and you roll a one, that is self sabotage happening in real time. Does that sound hard to believe that I could literally, based on my energy impact what I roll in the game? Let’s just pause right there. Does that sound too hard to believe?

Coach Tiffini [00:10:57]:

So in other words, it’s showing you. It’s kind of giving you this example of negative thoughts that are going through your mind even when you’re playing games.

Dawn Wiggins [00:11:05]:

Yes.

Producer Joy [00:11:06]:

Yeah.

Dawn Wiggins [00:11:06]:

Like, when I feel clear and good and empowered, I roll tens, I roll nines, I roll eights, I roll high. When I’m feeling some sort of insecurity or like, I have to perform, like, okay, I have to roll a four and this is. And I can. I could. I. The star is within reach in this turn. And then I get insecure and I roll a one. Like, literally.

Dawn Wiggins [00:11:27]:

But does that sound hard to believe that how I feel when I hit the button and actually impacts the role on the screen?

Coach Tiffini [00:11:35]:

I would equate it to how I perform in mini games. Like, not necessarily my role count, but it’s almost like if there’s a mini game that pops up that I absolutely hate. It’s like a life thing. When something happens, when you get the text from the person and you’re like, oh, my God, yeah, it kind of just kind of affects how you’re going to respond, how you’re going to feel the rest of the day.

Dawn Wiggins [00:11:55]:

Yeah.

Coach Tiffini [00:11:55]:

How you’re going to perform in life.

Dawn Wiggins [00:11:57]:

Yeah, absolutely. But I’ve nailed it all the way down to how I roll.

Coach Tiffini [00:12:03]:

Mm. Okay.

Dawn Wiggins [00:12:05]:

How I roll, I can feel it.

Producer Joy [00:12:07]:

Right.

Dawn Wiggins [00:12:07]:

I can feel when I’m doubting that I’m gonna roll a number I need to roll to get a star. Like, I feel self doubt before I hit the button and then it shows up on the screen I’ve dialed it down to. It’s that one for one. Like, which is. Is that a fun way to play Mario? I don’t know. But. Okay, so this weekend it happened enough times that I was like, I gotta do some EMDR on myself. So I went and I.

Dawn Wiggins [00:12:44]:

Joy’s connecting the dots now because I told her on the phone that I did EMDR over the weekend. So I sent the family off to do whatever and I sat with it. Right. Like, and this is very common when I was being trained for emdr, I had a negative belief that I can’t have the things that I want. Right. And so I Started there when I was doing this, this weekend about I can’t have the things that I want. And sometimes I want really big things. And I think that that is common.

Dawn Wiggins [00:13:12]:

We want really big things, right? We want beautiful, loving relationships. We want healthy relationships with our families and our children. We want to have enough money and a great job and beautiful home and we want to travel. We want big things, right? And I want even bigger things. Like I just want so many big things. And I think that there are moments where I really have self doubt that I can have the things and that I’m good enough or worthy enough for the things. Now this is not oozing from every pore of my life. That’s not it.

Dawn Wiggins [00:13:42]:

But it shows up. The little bits of remaining resistance show up when I’m rolling the dice in Mario, right? So sure enough, I did bilateral stimulation and I, you know, I did butterfly tap right on the things and I was able to release some. I felt physical release in my body. I could cycle through some memories that are common, familiar things for me. But it’s like I could dig into them at a deeper emotional level or a physiological level. I could feel release happening in my body at a deeper way than I have in the past. And then when we went back to play Mario later in the day, I consistently rolled high numbers. It shifted.

Dawn Wiggins [00:14:17]:

Now I did a good 45 minutes of it, right? It shifted all of a sudden when I went to roll the dice with the star, it felt like anything was possible. Whereas in the beginning of the day, it felt like I couldn’t roll the four if I needed the four. It felt like I was doubting my ability to roll the four. Later in the day, it felt like anything is possible. This is a very long story to say that when we are exhausted and sleep is not rejuvenating us, somewhere in there, there’s a negative belief blocking the sleep from rejuvenating. What in the heck could that be for women, right? And how can we help women understand how true this is in their lives, right? Maybe it’s hard for them to even hear that how I feel before I roll the dice on the, on the video game that we have that much power over our own lives, but we do, right? So what do. This is a question for the three of us. What could any of those negative beliefs be that would block us from fully resting and receiving rest when we’re asleep? Things like I’m not safe.

Dawn Wiggins [00:15:30]:

Things like I have to be perfect. Things Life like I’m not enough. What do you. What would resonate most for you during that season when you were so exhausted. Joy, I’ve heard you tell stories about feeling like you couldn’t get out of bed sometimes and sleep not ever being enough. What was going on for you then? And what were the negative beliefs that were blocking you from feeling truly like you were able to receive rest?

Producer Joy [00:16:00]:

I have a lot of parts that have traditionally struggled. Not. Not so much currently, but, like, in the past of. I’m not. I’m not enough. I’m not good enough. You know, like, in that time period of my life when I could not get out of bed, I had three small children. And, you know, I was.

Producer Joy [00:16:22]:

I was grieving, I was hurting. I was perpetually exhausted. I could not function because it was a lot of this is how my life is gonna. So much negative. Like, this is. This is it. This is my life now. This is my.

Coach Tiffini [00:16:39]:

My.

Producer Joy [00:16:40]:

I gave him my best years. Like, all the things that we’ve talked about in previous episodes, all of those.

Dawn Wiggins [00:16:44]:

Would keep a woman.

Producer Joy [00:16:45]:

It was constant in my brain, right. And into the. Into my sleep. Like, it was so on fire. My nervous system was so on fire that my sleep itself was affected. And then everything just perpetuated. Right. And it was the shame.

Producer Joy [00:17:06]:

Then. Then it gets layered on the shame. So now I’m feeling shame for not being able to get out of bed. And now I’m feeling shame that my friend brought my children food. Right. Like, I’m feeling shame that I wasn’t good enough. You know, like all the lies that your nervous system tells you, it just. It was a constant weight on me.

Dawn Wiggins [00:17:30]:

That. Right. And that’s what I wish for all women to be able to know, trust and believe that when you have a chronic pattern like exhaustion, even after the divorce, the. The msa, the paperwork, the ink is dry. Even after the ink is dry, even after the litigation is over, even after the schedules have been sorted, if you’re still exhausted, it’s because there are too many negative beliefs activated that are maintaining a certain rhythm or pattern in your body mind that rest can’t even land at a cellular level.

Producer Joy [00:18:11]:

Yeah, yeah.

Dawn Wiggins [00:18:12]:

Like, you know, we’ve all sort of seen those reels where the way you speak to the water crystals changes the structure of the crystals. Oh, my gosh.

Producer Joy [00:18:23]:

Or the obsessed with these.

Dawn Wiggins [00:18:24]:

Yeah. Or the way you speak to the plant changes the quality of the fruit or the leaves. Right. And so imagine you’re rehearsing things like, for me, I can’t get what I want. Or when I followed that rabbit hole Far enough. It was like, I’m not good enough because that’s what’s underneath. I can’t get what I want is. Because I’m not good enough.

Dawn Wiggins [00:18:42]:

Or, you know, I gave him my best years. This is my life now. Right. So you’re literally programming your cells and your mitochondria and your ribosomes and your nuclear.

Coach Tiffini [00:18:51]:

Right.

Dawn Wiggins [00:18:52]:

Like you’re programming your cells to under function. That’s how powerful we are. Do you think our listeners are bought into this right now, or do you think they think I’m insane?

Producer Joy [00:19:03]:

I do think so. Like, when we put it in this, like, I do think that there. It’s so true. Right. Like, there’s literal modalities in therapy, cbt, cognitive behavioral therapy, centered around how you think and how you talk. And it’s so hard. This work, this. This mindfulness work of how you talk to yourself, being aware, being integrated in your.

Producer Joy [00:19:29]:

In your office, authenticity, that’s really the reprogramming and reprocessing is very, very hard work. I remember my first few sessions of therapy post separation. Like, I. And I was. It was just talk therapy. Like, I was fatigued in a way. Had never been fatigued before because his work is so hard. And so when you.

Producer Joy [00:19:55]:

Right. When you are constantly present and trying to cognitively be aware of your thoughts, it just puts on an extra layer of. Yeah.

Dawn Wiggins [00:20:09]:

Work to do. Like a task.

Producer Joy [00:20:11]:

Right.

Coach Tiffini [00:20:14]:

Yeah. I have so many clients tell me after doing ifs work how exhausted they are.

Producer Joy [00:20:18]:

Yes. Headache.

Coach Tiffini [00:20:19]:

You know what I mean? Or like, whatever. And so. And I know.

Dawn Wiggins [00:20:23]:

Same thing after EMDR and those early days.

Coach Tiffini [00:20:26]:

Yeah. Like, I feel like for me, because I made the choice to leave my marriage. And so I had two very prevalent parts, which were my image manager, you know, because I made the choice to leave, I had to make sure that everything looked on fire all the time. I constantly had to have it together. Anybody checked on me, I’m good, I’m good. Everything’s good. And I think with a lot of women, they feel like if they’re the ones that made the choice to walk away, they don’t have the right to tell people how sad they are, how upset they are. And so it’s like they try to skip the grief period because they’re like, well, I made the choice, so I need to jump in from this to being happy, and I don’t have a right to be sad or I don’t have a right to grieve all of these things.

Producer Joy [00:21:04]:

I need to show everybody this was a. The right Decision.

Coach Tiffini [00:21:07]:

Yeah. Yeah. So, like, it took me years later to actually grieve the loss of my marriage because I was the one that chose to leave and just felt like I had to keep it together for everyone else to feel like I made the right choice.

Dawn Wiggins [00:21:20]:

Yeah, well, and even that’s is a really good point that when you have unprocessed grief, just maintaining the. You know, people talk about compartmentalizing, just the maintenance of the compartments because it’s real. Like, we do literally actually compartmentalize. Like, MRI scans will show that when we have trauma content sorted into boxes, it actually starts to segment off aspects of our neurological function. But to maintain those compartments is a lot of energy and we don’t realize it. Like, I think that in this year, we’ve talked a lot about capacity on the podcast so far.

Producer Joy [00:21:55]:

Right.

Dawn Wiggins [00:21:56]:

In the month of January, we’ve been talking a lot about all of this work improves your capacity. I had a client this week say to me, after taking her doses of her remedies or whatever, she’s like, you know, when you take homeopathy and you do ifs or whatever, there’s a lot more of everything. Right. She said, I feel a lot more of these underlying themes I’ve been trying to sort and process, but I also have a lot more energy and a lot more capacity. So it’s like right when we’re really tapped into this work, there is a lot more of everything, but there’s a lot more capacity. Right. And people don’t realize that the exhaustion, the fatigue. Listen, I was the queen of the five hour energy for years.

Dawn Wiggins [00:22:42]:

I was the queen of the five hour energy. To keep going, to try to keep a headache at bay, like, you name it, you know, to try to keep going. And people don’t realize how much the compartmentalization, how much the avoiding processing and feeling. Avoiding feeling is like literally running so many programs in the background of your existence and it is exhausting you.

Producer Joy [00:23:05]:

Yeah, yeah.

Dawn Wiggins [00:23:08]:

So there are a number of negative beliefs, depending on your lived story, your experience, that are keeping you tired. And if it’s something, that’s a pattern, and if you notice that you are my fellow queen of five hour energy or whatever, or like, how many women have accidentally found that Adderall is the thing that will keep them going or like some version of that stimulant. Right. Or energy drink, whatever it is. Right. Like just so. Yeah, right. Like the perfect iced coffee in the perfect glass.

Producer Joy [00:23:36]:

Yeah, right, right.

Coach Tiffini [00:23:38]:

Yeah.

Dawn Wiggins [00:23:39]:

Okay. But let’s shift for a moment into what are the body based Behaviors that we have to also welcome in in order to help allow rest to actually land in ourselves. Right. Because I can’t say enough about how. Have you ever heard of the phrase neuroplasticity? It’s the idea that our brains and their patterns can be remolded and reshaped. Yeah. So underneath or within, within the concept of neuroplasticity is the idea that there are literally like trees with branches in our brains, the synaptic pathways. And they form these very, very strong branches where signals fire one to the other.

Dawn Wiggins [00:24:20]:

And when we keep doing the same shit over and over and over again, those synaptic pathways get stronger and stronger and stronger. Those trees become strong. And then when we try to change a habit or a pattern, it feels hard because those synaptic pathways are so reinforced. And when we’re trying to build a totally new habit or pattern, which is like not calling our best girlfriend when we want to talk shit about our ex because. Right. Or we want to not go into a spiral about how what he did or didn’t do about when he moved on so quickly with the new woman. Or we want to not overthink about our finances and, like, crunch our budget numbers for the 19th time today. Because that’s how we’re managing our anxiety.

Dawn Wiggins [00:25:04]:

Right. Whatever it is. Right. We’re trying to build a new habit or pattern. Those neural pathways are not reinforced. It’s like the scraggliest tree you’ve ever in a forest where it didn’t get enough sunlight or water. And it’s like baby struggling tree. Right.

Dawn Wiggins [00:25:19]:

But you have to reinforce those pathways. Reinforce those pathways. So when you’ve had this pattern where you’re so, so, so tired and you just cannot seem to recover from rest, we have to look at what neural pathways do you keep reinforcing. Are you doing hiit workouts? Are you spinning? Are you lifting heavy? What are you doing that’s keeping your body in a fatigued state? Like, I had a client recently who has a strong trauma history and was like, oh, I’m going to do this, this marathon thing. And I was like, so you could do the marathon, but it’s actually not going to help us heal the underlying trauma things. Because when you’re training for something like a marathon, you’re actually keeping all the parts of your body, your cells, your literal parts within. Ifs right? Training that there’s not enough energy, there’s not enough food, there’s not enough rest, there’s not enough anything. Right.

Dawn Wiggins [00:26:14]:

And then we need to call in the body based behaviors that are gonna help shift those neural pathways. So like gentle yoga, breath work. Joy. Like I’d love for you to comment on some of the burnout remedies that we’ve used like Kalifos or the new one, Helonious. Right. Which is for women who are burnt out and feel like they have to prove their worth by doing rather than being. Every time you take it, you get a hot flash.

Producer Joy [00:26:40]:

Right.

Dawn Wiggins [00:26:40]:

It’s like your body is like oh yes, this is a medicine. I need this.

Producer Joy [00:26:43]:

Right.

Dawn Wiggins [00:26:44]:

Like how the right minerals can cause your body to be like, oh, needs met. Now I can rest. I can like, you know, what are some of the body based behaviors that you ladies have done that have helped you really recover? Like recover where you wake up in the morning more refreshed than fatigued.

Producer Joy [00:27:05]:

1. I’m a personal huge fan of bilaterally journaling. Journaling and. And butterfly tapping. Because if you.

Dawn Wiggins [00:27:18]:

Which is what we do in the loneliness roadmap. That is the. That’s what we teach in the loneliness roadmap. If you’re subscribed to it.

Producer Joy [00:27:24]:

Yeah. Right. Which if you’re not, you need to be because it teaches you how to bilaterally journal. And I do breath work. And it might not be like the. The breath work D. Breath work. Intentional breathing because.

Producer Joy [00:27:38]:

And in that time I literally in that. In that season of my life where. Where we were walking through out separation proceeding divorce, I. People would tell me, they would look at me and say you’re not breathing. Like you don’t breathe. And so now that is something I do for my body intentionally to oxygenate my cells and to get grounded into my body. I am very, very intentional about breathing because it is something that I had to learn how to do.

Dawn Wiggins [00:28:09]:

I wild right to change the pattern.

Coach Tiffini [00:28:11]:

It’s like the.

Dawn Wiggins [00:28:12]:

The neural pathways were really strong this way and not really strong that way.

Producer Joy [00:28:17]:

Yeah, right. And embodiment, right. Like leaning and sitting and getting grounded. And so those are. Those are my go to’s embodiment for my body that I. And I will shout it from the rooftops how much more capacity I have because you know, I still have the number of children and I still have life be lifeing. I still have a hard family. Like it’s nothing in that realm that has changed has shifted.

Producer Joy [00:28:51]:

But my capacity to leave space for myself, to leave space for them to be who they are. Right. Like it’s. I. I have such a different nervous system regulation and capacity to live life that I don’t attract for so so long. And anybody in previous chapters of my life can attest to this and speak into this, that I would literally have cosmic things happen to me that nobody. Like I hydroplane through manure. Like, who does that? Right.

Producer Joy [00:29:29]:

Like, things would happen to me that just don’t happen to other people. And it’s because. But it’s because that’s what I was attracting. Right. Like I was, I was constantly high vibing in terms of nervous system always, always, always activated.

Dawn Wiggins [00:29:43]:

Like wired and tired.

Producer Joy [00:29:45]:

Right. So now I can say that doesn’t happen to me anymore. But if life be lifeing, I have capacity to just. And I don’t. I’m not saying I never get dysregulated anymore. I am saying that there’s such a drastic difference between my before and after. Like, it’s a, it’s a work, right? It’s a, it’s a. Yeah.

Dawn Wiggins [00:30:05]:

We’re not meant to not get dysregulated. Our nervous system is meant to be like a very flexible rubber band so that when we experience distress, it can expand and it can return to its original shape in a relative quick period of time. Right. What happens for most women is we became dysregulated at a very young age and we got stuck in a wired tired state. Our nervous systems got stuck over, expanded, overstretched, and then couldn’t downshift. And in the moments where we did downshift briefly, we clicked right back up into sixth gear. That is Right. So dysregulation is part of being human.

Dawn Wiggins [00:30:46]:

But it’s. Yeah. How we respond to that. Yeah. And how dysregulated and how stuck in it.

Producer Joy [00:30:52]:

Yeah. Yeah.

Dawn Wiggins [00:30:54]:

It’s fascinating to think we taught this actually in our, in our different D word workshop. We studied the law of attraction this month and I talked about this. You know, it can sound like woo, woo that I, you know, doubt whether or not I can roll the four and then I rolled one. But there really is an entire electrical response that happens from how my eyes see the cubes, how I respond with my thumb, how my nervous system reacts. Bas. It really is. We just studied this. When Joy hydroplane on manure, there really is something to how her feet touched the wheel and the pedals that facilitated that based on a nervous system framework or patterning.

Dawn Wiggins [00:31:39]:

It’s fascinating. It’s below our conscious level of awareness most of the times, but we are absolutely perpetuating our own patterns. Tiffany, what are some of the body based behaviors that help you? I know you both love woods. Walks in the woods also.

Coach Tiffini [00:31:57]:

So I’m a big get me out in nature, I want to be barefoot with the fairies type of stuff. But in all honesty, like, you know, I live in the mountains, so I just go and hike. Water is. Is huge for me. So if I’m near a lake, if I’m near a waterfall, if I’m near a stream, anywhere where I can hear or see moving water, I’m good. I need to immerse myself where I have no AirPods in nothing. I’m literally just present and it’s forcing me to be very present. So that helps me too.

Dawn Wiggins [00:32:24]:

I love. I cannot say enough about that. Right.

Coach Tiffini [00:32:26]:

Like, yeah, being the stimulation and meditation for me is huge. I love Insight Timer. I do a lot of meditations on there. A lot of affirmation stuff. Just over and over again of hearing the things. Thought filtering is huge. And I know that, you know, when I started training to be a coach, they would drill this into us. And in the very beginning, it was so overwhelming to literally review the thoughts that were coming in on a daily basis in front of my face and realize how many were so negative about myself.

Coach Tiffini [00:32:57]:

Like how many times I felt something negative about myself or was judging myself in situations or in conversations and being able to actively start to reframe those things. And it does. It changes the way that you view things. It’s like, what is the lens that you’re looking at your life through? If you feel like your life is shit and everything keeps happening to you, it’s because you’re looking at it from a lens of that’s all that you’re catching. Instead of like moving over into the next lane and saying, okay, well, I’m going to choose to see it this way because we cannot happen. Like, we can’t prevent life from happening to us. Right. Like, that’s not a thing.

Coach Tiffini [00:33:31]:

And I tell people that all the time. Like you said, Joy, your family is still your family, but at the end of the day, you change the way that you react to it. You change the capacity you have to handle the things in your life. And that’s the game changer. It’s not necessarily about your ex is going to change or, you know, your kids are going to change. Although, yeah, the way that we react to people can teach them different behaviors, but for sure, right? Yeah.

Producer Joy [00:33:54]:

Right.

Coach Tiffini [00:33:54]:

But if you’re not aware that you have control over certain areas of your life in your capacity, you’re going to continue to stay in that same stuck state of, this is just my life and this is what I’m dealt. And this is what I have to deal with.

Producer Joy [00:34:07]:

Right. So it’s beliefs that.

Dawn Wiggins [00:34:10]:

So when you’re out in the woods or meditating or. You know, for me, I did a lot of yoga when I was getting divorced. Like, a lot of yoga. And then I really believe that that’s a good chunk of how I got pregnant with Grace also, because I really was retraining my body that it was safe. It was safe. It was saf safe. I did a lot of beach walking, a lot of yoga and beach walking. But yeah, absolutely thought filtering while you’re doing those things.

Dawn Wiggins [00:34:35]:

Right. If you’re putting yourself in situations where you’re connecting with nature or you’re getting into your body or you’re doing breath work, but you’re not filtering your thoughts, you’re not targeting your negative beliefs. Right. It’s. You have to have both.

Producer Joy [00:34:47]:

Ha.

Dawn Wiggins [00:34:48]:

Both sides of the coin have to be addressed to really experience the transformation.

Coach Tiffini [00:34:54]:

And let me give you this example quickly because this just dawned on me too. I used to work out where I would lift very heavy. I would do a lot of like, massive amounts of hit and cardio. And I would always be listening to like Ludacris or Ja Rule or DMX or like, right. Like very high level. And I always remember leaving my workouts feeling like I still was amped. I wasn’t calm, I was still super amped. And it was because of the music I was listening to.

Coach Tiffini [00:35:20]:

It was because of the thoughts that were going through my mind while I was doing it. And so it’s almost like carrying so much masculine energy and so much amp ness, so much testosterone that it’s like having to calm down. So I would even challenge you and say, what music are you listening to when you’re in the car by yourself or when you’re doing that? Because I find that when I’m listening to music that is more calming, it is telling my nervous system that the environment is safe. When I’m listening to gangster rap, my environment is not safe. I’m clearly feeling in this amp space where I have to be more than I feel like I need to be. So it’s even creating those environments for your body to be able to feel safe by the things you’re surrounding yourself with.

Dawn Wiggins [00:36:02]:

That’s such a good point about music.

Producer Joy [00:36:05]:

Yeah. We have inside our premium, and if you’re not a member, definitely check it out. Inside our Premium, we have 528 Hz tracks. Tracks in guided meditation.

Dawn Wiggins [00:36:16]:

Subliminals. There’s some subliminals in there. Ooh, note to self. There’s some subliminals in there when we’re.

Coach Tiffini [00:36:24]:

Yeah.

Dawn Wiggins [00:36:24]:

When we’re organizing things. Okay, so if you are the woman who has been incredibly fatigued, can’t keep her eyes open, is doing coffee until wine. Let’s talk. All right, loves. We did something different this month inside of Cocoon for our Magic Drop. We talked about the importance of authentic reviews on the podcast and what a difference it makes for creators like us. Right. Content creators.

Dawn Wiggins [00:36:58]:

And how much it makes a difference in women being able to find this work, how much momentum it gives. And some of the reviews that our listeners provided brought us to tears, made us feel feelings. Like it was such a special and different couple of weeks for all three of us. We would text each other, we would email screenshots, you name it. Like it was a vibe this month. And I cannot say enough to all of our listeners how much you mean to us. You are the reason we are here. This is a ongoing.

Dawn Wiggins [00:37:35]:

It’s a relationship. Right. And when we get to talk with you, we. When you get to give us feedback, it is the best feeling in the world. So thank you, thank you, thank you. We wanna highlight a couple of our listeners and our community members. Joy is gonna read one of the reviews that was so graciously left, and Tiffany is going to welcome some of our newest Heartbeat members. We just cannot say thank you enough for being here with us, for trusting us, for inviting us on your journey.

Dawn Wiggins [00:38:04]:

We know this is one of the hardest seasons, and it is a. A fulfillment of what we believe to be our purpose is that we’re doing it with you. What you got, Joy?

Producer Joy [00:38:14]:

This. This review just kind of, like, pierced me a little bit. It’s by VC V. C07. This podcast has helped me feel less alone, more grounded, and has provided names for emotions. I don’t. I didn’t know how to explain the cycles patterns. I recommend this podcast to anyone navigating through divorce, co parenting, and find themselves taking their time to heal.

Dawn Wiggins [00:38:42]:

Mm.

Producer Joy [00:38:43]:

I just was. I think that’s. I think it was so resonated for me is because I do feel like there’s. So. Our listeners are looking for the vocabulary and looking for. I know something is off.

Dawn Wiggins [00:38:59]:

I just can’t put my finger on it.

Producer Joy [00:39:01]:

Pinpoint it. I can’t. Yes. So thank you so much for that review. It was lovely.

Dawn Wiggins [00:39:09]:

And of course, we’re always welcoming you to join Heartbeat, our community, where we have the room, where it happens, our premium podcast feed, where we have our in person workshops with Tiffany, if you’re part of Premium this month, is how receiving is the key to healing. So if you have trouble receiving support or compliments or love or, you know, any of those things, if you have trouble receiving that as one of the missing links in your healing journey, there’s going to be a live workshop on February 23rd. And so we have several new Heartbeat members in this last week, and Tiffany is going to welcome those. What you got, Tiff?

Coach Tiffini [00:39:49]:

Yeah. So in the past week, we’ve had five new members step into our online community, which has been amazing to start getting to know them and more about their stories. So we would love to welcome Leslie, Amy, Carolyn, sue, and Heather. So welcome, ladies, into this space. We are so excited to know you.

Producer Joy [00:40:09]:

We need these little puppers. Confetti cannons. Yeah.

Dawn Wiggins [00:40:15]:

Also, one of my favorite things when playing Mario Party, when you land on the bank in this version we have and you win the bank and then Yoshi has a confetti cannon in it. Or maybe it’s. What’s the one with the shell? Koopa. Koopa Troopa. Confetti cannon. Makes life better.

Producer Joy [00:40:30]:

Yeah.

Dawn Wiggins [00:40:31]:

Seriously, darlings, thank you so much for being listeners, for being part of our community, for stepping in, for doing the hard things. When you heal yourself, you heal so many generations up and down your lineage and it raises the vibration of the entire world. And Lord frickin knows, based on what is happening out there in the world right now, we need a higher vibe. Vibe.

Producer Joy [00:40:56]:

Yeah.

Dawn Wiggins [00:40:57]:

Thank you for being here. We love you so much. Peace