This may come as a shock to you, but I’m disinterested in divorce. However, I do believe that divorce was one of the most powerful catalysts in my life, and it can be in yours. You can unleash your inner power in a way that you have never done before and that you can’t even fathom is possible.
A lot of what I witness in the divorce recovery trauma space is hyper-focused on exes, a lot of blaming, and a lot of focusing on the problem. And so, why does that matter?
Well, because when we women are focused more on the darkness than the light, we cannot rise.
The Ability of a Person to Grow is Directly Proportional to the Amount of Their Truth
I love the quote: “The degree to which a person can grow is directly proportional to the amount of truth they can accept about themselves without shifting blame upon someone else.” This is one of the most powerful quotes we can take on board, and it is the key to so much of your healing to unleash your inner power.
Dr Brene Brown: Power of Vulnerability
Thank the Lord for Brene Brown, who has done so much work around vulnerability, shame, and blame and has helped us to understand how blame is a way of hotwiring connection and self-esteem.
The ability to see oneself requires a lot of humility and vulnerability by saying, “I don’t know, I’m not sure. What if I can’t?”
Finding Solutions to Your Pain Points
I’m a therapist at my core. But I also own a business, where we learn about marketing, and marketers teach us to prey on the pain points and to advertise solutions. If I were to advertise solutions for your goals, you would not want to buy the product as much as if I advertised solutions to your pain points.
If I look at the numbers of my podcast episode downloads, the most popular episodes have provocative titles and the darkest, most painful topics.
Why? You want to believe you’re good enough. You want to believe you’re worthy. You want to attract this amazing partner. You want to have this amazing job. You want to have this amazing life after divorce … But then you keep bumping into certain things when trying to manifest this next version of your life.
You have allowed yourself to become convinced that you are less than powerful, that you are less than beautiful, that you are less than capable, that you are less than magical.
Self Love and Confidence
First of all, you were born into a culture that profits from you feeling this way about yourself. And then you probably had life experiences that reinforced those beliefs. They were very painful, and they told you that you’re not good enough, that you’re not worthy, that you’re not lovable, that you’re out of control, that you can’t trust people, and that you can’t trust yourself.
Each time you have a layer of experience that reinforces the original belief, you are not believing in nor unleashing your inner power.
God in Us
We women were designed to live fully into the gifts that he provided us. We have God in us, and that makes us incredibly powerful.
In biblical terms, we are supposed to give the glory to God. We are channels for Source Energy. We are channels for God.
Well, if I have that much inner power in me, why do I deny it? Yes, we women want to give God the glory. We want to live in alignment because that is a joyful place to live, and that is where we can unleash the most amount of inner power.
I Want It All
Let’s be honest; we women don’t want small things. We want magical marriages. We want happy children. We want to have beautiful homes, to travel to wonderful places, and to eat delicious foods.
Glennon Doyle says, “Do hard things to manifest.” However, the Law of Attraction says it doesn’t have to be that hard—it just has to be aligned.
The happier we feel, the better we feel, the faster things come.
But how do we women align these two thoughts? How do we balance doing hard things so that we can feel good? How do we get there?
Women say all the time: “It’s difficult to feel that I’m worthy, I’m lovable, I’m good enough.” Why, in many instances, do we struggle so much to feel good about ourselves and our lives after divorce?
Faith in Myself
You have to acknowledge that you don’t believe in yourself at this point because you have been trained to believe that you are not it. You have bought the ruse, you have been hoodwinked, and you have been living your life according to a lie for as many years as you’ve been alive.
Let me say that again in a different way.
You have always been powerful. You have always been magical. You have always had the inner power to create worlds inside of you. You are now at a crossroads where you are choosing to be a victim and continuing to blame society, your parents, other people, and the events that you experienced.
So what does all of this have to do with me not being interested in divorce?
Feeling Empowered Without Dependency
You are disengaged from your inner power and dependent on lawyers, accountants, a co-parent, coaches, therapists, the fashion industry, and the beauty industry. All of these things are profiting on the idea that you are dependent on us, and we will solve your pain points. I do not want you to be dependent on me. I want you to want me. If you need me, you don’t feel powerful. You feel disempowered.
The beauty industry profits from you believing that you need their products to be beautiful. The fashion industry makes you think that you need this cute outfit or you need the perfect accessory to feel pretty and to walk into the room. This whole machine perpetuates your disempowerment.
Unleashing Your Inner Power to Manifest Your Future Self
At the end of the day, when we women are not ready to hear something, the message can’t get through. But when I look back, I can see how every problem I had at the time was because I didn’t believe in my inner power and worth. I was rejecting and blaming other people rather than saying, “It might be hard for me to go get the things that I want.”
It doesn’t feel good to ride my Peloton and to be sweaty and winded and feel a burn in my muscles, but what are the consequences of sitting on the sofa and not riding the Peloton? It means I’m trading this moment for something that my future self wants.
Owning and unleashing your inner power means doing it differently than others. You have the power to create worlds inside of you, and you were not created to do it the way the woman to your left and the woman to your right is doing it.
When I come to you and say, “I’m not actually that interested in divorce”, what I’m saying is, “I’m interested in you divorcing disempowerment and marrying a complete belief in yourself.”
When I try to dull my shine to try to fit in with other people, I feel resentment.
Repeat after me: “You get to choose how your post-divorce life looks.”
Practicing Self Empowerment
You can’t fully step into your inner power unless you take a good, long look at how you’re contributing to your disempowerment.
Let’s keep having the conversation to unleash your inner power, and let’s keep moving in the direction of our goals and our future selves in a way that gets us the results that we women long for.
I know you can do this!
Divorce recovery coach Dawn Wiggins
...helps people crack open. Challenging the status quo, she integrates multiple modalities from EMDR to EFT tapping, journaling, homeopathy, and movement, embracing remedies that heal both the mind and body. Divorce recovery coach Dawn Wiggins is on a mission to deliver life-changing therapy in an accessible, scalable, affordable way and make waves in the world of mental health with the same enlightenment that happens in her office. Part science, part essential oils, pure magic.