Today, we are talking about the subconscious parts of your healing power and the process after divorce. We are going to dig into why subconscious work is necessary and how to spot whether you need subconscious work or whether you’ve done enough subconscious work. We will dig into the benefits and what your life after divorce could look like if you’re doing subconscious work.
Let’s start with exploring the subconscious mind.
What is the Subconscious Mind?
The subconscious mind is like the hidden part of your mental world.
It’s where thoughts, feelings, memories, and desires live, but you’re not always aware of them.
Think of it as the backstage area of your mind, running the show without you seeing how the magic happens.
Now, this hidden part can hold all sorts of stuff, some of which might be causing issues in your life after divorce.
For example, you might have some unresolved conflicts or worries that can affect your behavior, emotions, and choices without you even knowing it.
For example, I had a client who was moving in the direction of divorce and was understandably grieving and confused and felt rejected, unimportant, and unworthy. Their partner wanted the divorce, and my client couldn’t understand why their partner wasn’t willing to do the work to repair the marriage and to live happily ever after.
EMDR Therapy to Heal from Divorce Trauma
After a couple of sessions with this client, I suggested we move forward with some EMDR treatment to increase her healing power. I said, “Let’s get into the subconscious mind, and let’s see what’s going on in there.”
EMDR is the act of going through the mind to a painful memory or experience, activating that painful memory or experience, and then processing it using a free association method.
When you focus on increasing your healing power through EMDR, you allow your mind to wander while I apply bilateral stimulation. I use a tapping noise that activates the subconscious parts of the mind to allow you to desensitize and reprocess those negative beliefs and painful experiences. We then go in and reinforce positive beliefs. Before you know it, you have a different mental and emotional experience of those old memories, and you probably are now functioning from a positive belief rather than a negative one.
With this specific client, we started to work on reprocessing the fact that her partner no longer wants to be married to her. When I encouraged her to find other moments in her life when she felt similar types of rejection, she came up with two very poignant experiences. The first was in her younger life when she was benched for the majority of her volleyball career even though she had a natural talent for it.
What got internalized there? “I’m not good enough.” So fast forward a few years when she’s a teenager, her parents adopt an adolescent girl, and she ends up feeling like that girl now has the majority of their attention, and she takes a backseat. Again, she internalized the belief that she’s not worth it and that she doesn’t matter as much.
Subconscious Memory: How to Remove Bad Memories from Subconscious Mind
We then arrive at how she ended up in this particular relationship with a partner who often offloaded a lot of life’s responsibilities and mental and emotional needs onto her. The partner has a low tolerance for resolving conflict or having uncomfortable conversations and is not willing to do their subconscious work.
From a subconscious place based on negative beliefs about herself, she picked a partner that reinforced those internalized negative beliefs that she’s not good enough, there’s something wrong with her, and she’s not worth it.
What are Positive Beliefs?
Think of positive beliefs like your mental cheerleaders and best friends.
They’re the thoughts that boost your confidence, inspire you, and make you feel capable. They encourage a can-do attitude and help you see the silver lining in life’s challenges.
It’s so important to go back in and reinforce positive beliefs during an EMDR session. “I am good enough. I am worth it.” Just by doing one EMDR session, this person is guaranteed to move forward from a very aligned place and attract a different type of partner once she goes out and starts dating.
EMDR has healing power and is one way to do subconscious work as we are reassured that this process doesn’t become a trauma. When we get in there, and we do the desensitizing and the reprocessing, we help the subconscious mind understand where it is in space and time.
Divorce becomes a trauma when there are historical negative beliefs built up and stuck in your brain.
Then you add a divorce on top of it, which reinforces all of those negative beliefs that you already were carrying with you.
Illness and Disease in the Subconscious Mind
So, let’s take a look at understanding the difference between illness and disease as it applies to the subconscious mind and the manifestation of trauma.
Illness is common. Illness is necessary. It is part of the design of being human. Illness is when we women experience something that may temporarily bog down the system, but then the body can work through it, the mind and the emotions can work through it, and within a matter of days or weeks, we women recover from it. Let’s call that illness. It could be a cold, it could be the flu. It could be that I fell off my bike.
When we don’t recover from illness promptly, and the symptoms of the illness become chronic, we women now classify it as a disease.
Whether it’s anxiety, depression, asthma, cluster headaches, or rheumatoid arthritis…When we have disease processes in our body, the root cause of those diseases is negative beliefs.
Mind-Body Distinction: What We Believe is What Exists
This idea has been repeated for centuries by much smarter people than me: Deepak Chopra has talked at length about what we believe dictates how the body functions.
We have Louise Hay, who passed away a couple of years ago, ahead of her time in many ways. She wrote the book You Can Heal Your Life, and she was a proponent of subconscious work and EFT tapping and that was a huge part of my divorce recovery journey. Wayne Dyer teaches us that positive thought has the power to move the needle.
Using Vibrational Energy to Heal Post-Divorce Trauma
When my mind is offering me negative thoughts when my emotions are offering me pain, when my body feels like it’s suffering, when I’m in a disease process, something negative is activated.
I was recently talking about how we are vibrational beings. It’s something that spiritual practitioners have been able to talk about again for centuries, and we can now see it in science.
We could call that a soul. We could call it our essence. We could call it the embodiment of God.
Life is a Journey, Not a Destination
Negative beliefs such as, “I am not safe. I am not good enough. I am not worthwhile. I cannot have what I want. I am trapped” cause anxiety, depression, panic, cluster headaches, and rheumatoid arthritis.
These negative beliefs are also inherited from previous generations.
It’s important to understand that I am not saying your depression is in your mind because that is not it. It is in every level of your being.
A negative belief affects our vibrational core, it affects our physical body, and it affects our emotional selves and our minds.
When we women have chronic negative beliefs, they create chronic disease patterns at a cellular level.
Practicing Positive Beliefs Consistently
The answer is to practice positive beliefs to consistently increase your healing power. But many of us struggle to accept that that is the truth. We’ve been told from so many places that that’s not true. I see it in a lot of religious texts, but we don’t see it in Western medicine.
We go to Western medicine, and we say, “I’m hurting. Something’s wrong. I am sick.” And there’s a prescription that suppresses the mental-emotional process. I am not anti-medication. Medication was something I relied heavily upon for decades until I found deeper solutions. But, when we get prescriptions for chronic disease, we’re just suppressing symptoms and getting further from the truth.
Treating Mind, Body, Spirit Holistically
Imagine if we women went to a doctor and they said, “Well, at the core of your disease process is a negative belief. So, your number one prescription is to get to the root of that negative belief and switch it. In the meantime, you can use a pharmaceutical prescription to bridge the gap until you can get truly well.”
But that’s not how it goes. We have been taught that we have to go to doctors for our wellness when the truth is, for a very long time, we went to healers for our illnesses, and they taught us about how our faith and our minds were affecting disease.
I am not by any means minimizing the value of Western medicine. But what I am saying is that to heal from disease, we have to get to the root of our subconscious mind and our negative beliefs.
Now, I historically had cluster headaches and in the last year and a half, rheumatoid arthritis. I no longer have either of those things. That is because I found homeopathy, which gets at the core of our vibrations, as energy medicine.
Homeopathy, along with unhooking the disease process from my body, allowed me to access and heal the negative beliefs that I was carrying in my subconscious mind.
I no longer move through life feeling inherently afraid. I still have fear. I still get afraid. But it doesn’t live in me.
I want you to take away from today’s conversation that we are vibrational beings with a physical body, an emotional, a mental layer and can tap into the healing power within us.
Post Divorce Roadmap Immersive Journaling Program
For you to truly not repeat your past experiences—I’m not even going to call them mistakes— if you do not want to repeat your past experiences in a relationship and you want to have a more delicious dating experience, you have to do subconscious work.
There are so many tools with healing power out there. In my Divorce Roadmap Immersive Journaling program, we do so much subconscious, somatic healing and nervous system regulation, as well as lots of homeopathic recommendations.
Chronic Discomfort: Signal for Mind-Body Trauma
Anywhere you’re feeling chronically unwell, you have subconscious work to do to increase your healing power.
And I don’t mean you got a cold. I mean chronically worried, chronically afraid, chronically angry, chronically anxious, chronically depressed.
Yes, you have to change your mind, but you also have to be consistent enough and go deep enough that changing your mind can also change your cellular processes in the body that you also do the work to shift, to tip up on the vibrational scale.
You don’t have to be wealthy to do this beautiful work. You just have to be willing to show up and do it. And will you need a little bit of guidance, someone pointing out to you where you have a blind spot or giving you a pep talk.
I don’t hire healers and coaches to do the work for me. I hire them to teach me and to hold me accountable. We are as well as we try to be.
See and Validate Yourself
Pick a subconscious tool for your healing power and use it every day this week. Watch yourself shift. Don’t give up, because giving up is self-abandonment. Abandonment is what you want to blame other people for. You have the opportunity to switch your entire internal disease process at every level. I love you so much. I believe in you so much. Peace.
Divorce recovery coach Dawn Wiggins
...helps people crack open. Challenging the status quo, she integrates multiple modalities from EMDR to EFT tapping, journaling, homeopathy, and movement, embracing remedies that heal both the mind and body. Divorce recovery coach Dawn Wiggins is on a mission to deliver life-changing therapy in an accessible, scalable, affordable way and make waves in the world of mental health with the same enlightenment that happens in her office. Part science, part essential oils, pure magic.