Self-Worth After Divorce: Finding Confidence in a Couple’s World

5 Key Takeaways

1. Self-worth after divorce is often tied to attachment patterns. Many feelings of loneliness and insecurity after divorce are connected to attachment wounds rather than the absence of a specific partner. Understanding your attachment style can help you heal at a deeper level.
2. Being single can trigger old beliefs about not being enough. Divorce can bring up unresolved fears of rejection, abandonment, or unworthiness. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward moving through and changing them.
3. Financial independence strengthens self-confidence. Building self-worth after divorce often includes developing trust in your ability to create stability, solve problems on your own, and support yourself financially.
4. Loneliness is a signal, not a life sentence. The discomfort of being alone can provide valuable information about unmet emotional needs and opportunities for personal growth and healing.
5. Healing happens through feeling, not avoiding. Tools like EFT tapping, meditation, nervous system regulation, and emotional processing can help you move through painful emotions instead of numbing or escaping them.

Highlights

• 00:00 Navigating Singleness and Self-Worth
• 04:39 Struggling with Solitude Post-Divorce
• 09:48 “Attachment Style and Healing”
• 12:15 “Financial Abundance for Single Women”
• 15:03 Overcoming Adversity Through Resolve
• 17:01 “From Victim to CEO”
• 22:58 “EFT Tapping for Self-Worth”
• 26:19 “Feeling Without Labels”
• 27:05 Feeling Pain Without the Story

Full Transcript

Dawn Wiggins [00:00:01]:

Have you ever noticed the world is built for couples? Dinner for two plus one invites, family packages, and even the way people look at you when you’re alone after divorce. It’s like every billboard and social feed seems to be whispering, you don’t belong. If you’ve ever felt invisible, resentful, or just plain tired of a world made for pears, this episode is for you. Hi, love. Welcome to Dear Divorce Diary, the podcast helping divorcees go beyond talk therapy to process your grief, find the healing you crave, and build back your confidence. I’m your host, Dawn Wiggins, a therapist, coach, integrative healer and divorce. Join me for a fresh approach to healing grief and building your confidence after divorce.

Coach Tiffini [00:00:53]:

Foreign.

Dawn Wiggins [00:01:01]:

We have a jam packed up for you today. We are going to talk about how being single in a couple’s world doesn’t just sting in the moment in that post divorce, you know, pre recoupled season. It’s, it’s actually pulling on all the old attachment echoes that your body still, still remembers. So whether you have an anxious, avoidant or disorganized attachment style like that, that is part of what this single in a couple’s world thing is. We’re going to unpack that. We’re also going to look at the financial fallout of being single. Why does it seem like couples get a discount on life while singles pay full price? And what does that silent tax do to your sense of worth? And then towards the end of the episode, we are going to look at loneliness in a as a single, as a nervous system signal, because there’s something here that is very clearly your nervous system calling for you to take a specific action. Loneliness is your nervous system’s compass pointing you towards developing a kind of connection where you can finally exhale and feel safe as a single person.

Dawn Wiggins [00:02:02]:

So you’re definitely going to want to hear through to the end where we talk about some of our favorite ways to understand your nervous system’s compass and fill its need. Ladies, good morning. I feel like we have been on recording hiatus and now here we are together and it feels so nice. How are you this morning?

Coach Tiffini [00:02:22]:

It’s sweater weather and I’m so excited. It is freezing here and I’m in this big, delicious sweater and I’m very happy about that.

Producer Joy [00:02:31]:

Listen, my soul shines in this weather. Like I can breathe deep, like I’m made for cold weather. So I’m here for it and I’m super excited to be here. It’s been, I do feel like it’s been a hot minute since we have been recorded. Recording. Yay.

Dawn Wiggins [00:02:49]:

We are coming in with fresh energy. We have launched our recent cohort, the Destiny cohort of a Different D Word. And so we’ve got our women rolling, and we’ve been behind the scenes cooking up some stuff for the podcast. Our premium subscribers. All kinds of good stuff, right? So. But now we are back with fresh content. So let’s dig into being single in a freaking couple’s world and specifically through the lens of our attachment style. Right? So for me, as a primarily anxious attacher, I can also.

Dawn Wiggins [00:03:24]:

I really was disorganized, right? But I think as a single person, what stood out was anxious attachment. It was so hard for me to be single. Like, so hard. And I would very often, I would, like, leave lights on all the time in the house. So it felt like I was coming home to, like, a lit house. I would buy myself flowers. I would sleep with my dog. I would.

Dawn Wiggins [00:03:50]:

You know, I. I think, you know, while I advocate for group therapy and Al Anon and all those things, I would guess that I filled my life up with all of these healing modalities, with all these other people were he who were healing. So I never had to feel alone. I could always go to a meeting or call someone or pop over to somebody’s house. That was just sort of the understanding, right? And so I think all of that was probably my attachment style and coping with being single in a couple’s world and just, like, surrounded myself with other people that were also single and in pain and, you know, wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with them. So what about y’.

Coach Tiffini [00:04:26]:

All?

Dawn Wiggins [00:04:26]:

What are your. What are your observations, right, of the women we work with, of your own lived experiences of this, how attachment style shows up when we’re single and sort of confronted with couples everywhere.

Coach Tiffini [00:04:39]:

I struggled being alone for a long time. In the very beginning, anytime that my daughter was going to her dad’s for the weekend, and I had all this space to fill if I didn’t have plans from the time I dropped her off till the time I picked her up, I would get extremely anxious. And so I had entourages of friends, you know, guys that I would hook up with, like, whatever the case may be, like, anything to fill the time, because sitting alone, to me, just felt extremely scary. But then that disorganized part came in, and so I wanted everything. But then it was almost like when the time would come to start getting ready, I had this resistance around being around people, and I’m just like, well, fuck, now I Just want to stay home. Because, like, the thought of having a conversation or talking or having to come up with energy to even put makeup on was just like daunting to me at times. So it was this very much push and pull in the first couple years post divorce of I need everyone around me versus pushing everyone away.

Producer Joy [00:05:39]:

It’s like a million micro rejections all the time. It’s like, it’s constant, you know, like even in the grocery store where you.

Dawn Wiggins [00:05:49]:

You shopping for one buy one, right?

Producer Joy [00:05:52]:

Yeah, one chicken breast, like you have to buy. It’s very constant.

Dawn Wiggins [00:06:00]:

Where do I fit? Do I belong?

Producer Joy [00:06:02]:

Yeah, right.

Coach Tiffini [00:06:04]:

And then I remember, like, when my couple’s friends that I won in the divorce, because let’s be honest, like, everyone wins and loses friendships, right?

Dawn Wiggins [00:06:11]:

There’s a.

Coach Tiffini [00:06:13]:

But it’s like I almost felt like when I got together with those couples friends and we would go out, I knew the husbands were still in contact with my ex. And so it’s like I felt like I had to perform and act like everything was okay, right? Yeah. Because if not, he was going to run back and like, tell everything. And it was just so exhausting.

Dawn Wiggins [00:06:31]:

So also that desire to win, right? Like, I want to win at this. Like, I can’t. I can’t have you telling him anything negative. What about. There’s also.

Producer Joy [00:06:41]:

There’s also. Let me, let me just. Let me just say this. There’s also a level of. I don’t know if it’s for everybody, but like, when you still have those friends, to me, it was almost like, but they’re choosing him and he did xyz. Like, you’re betraying me by being his friend or the family members that still talk to him or the, you know, like, it was almost like if you, if you’re kind to him and you’re loving him regardless, you’re not choosing me and you’re not being loyal to me.

Coach Tiffini [00:07:15]:

Like, so. Yeah. Like, that reminds me, if anyone out there watches Vanderpump Rules, you know, and like, that whole thing with Ariana and Tom, there was an episode where she like, flipped out after he was caught cheating, you know, or whatever, and was basically like, I cannot. I don’t want to be around anyone who’s friends with him. Like, I can’t. So if you’re friends with him, you’re not friends with me. And it was kind of like, whoa. Because I feel like that was like the extreme of it.

Coach Tiffini [00:07:40]:

But yeah, I feel like there is this resentfulness around. You knew that this happened in my world. And everything blew up, so how can you even stand to be in the same room as him? Type of energy we have, right?

Producer Joy [00:07:53]:

We have a lady, and we have a lady in our cohort that was. That is dealing with that. And they had a very pleasant, amicable divorce. But at what point does that separation start getting fuzzy in terms of, like, family. The family and the loyalty, Right? Because, I mean, they. It naturally starts happening, but it’s. It gets icky. It gets icky.

Dawn Wiggins [00:08:20]:

Well, have I ever told you ladies? I’m sure I have. What my mother said to me when. When we were finally getting divorced. This just, like, sums up all of my attachment issues and why I’ve told the story, like, I was sitting on my sofa in our marital home before we sold it, whatever, going, like, when am I going to be a person again? Like, because I didn’t feel like a person as a single woman, right. I didn’t feel whole at all. I didn’t feel. I felt like my identity was lost. Right.

Dawn Wiggins [00:08:48]:

Which just tells you, like, how much work I had to do. But my mom was like, we love you, Dawn. But, like, we love him more.

Producer Joy [00:08:56]:

She actually said that.

Dawn Wiggins [00:08:57]:

She actually said that. But, like, she’s the queen of saying really weird stuff like that. And I just. Like, that’s. That’s the thing, right? It’s like, I’ve never been enough on my own. Has been the perception or the takeaway. And so, yeah, being in a relationship was at the time, right. Always felt safer to me.

Dawn Wiggins [00:09:17]:

So being single in a couple’s world, like, even the freaking arc, right? They went on two by two. Like, none of us would have made it on the ark as single women, you know, unless they included us to be eaten, right? Like, we would have been the animals they ate.

Coach Tiffini [00:09:33]:

I would have went on with a cat. That would have been me. I just would have been carrying a cat with me. And they should have just let me with my cat. Like, it’s fine. We’re a couple. This cat’s my soulmate. It’s fine.

Coach Tiffini [00:09:44]:

This is my soulmate cat. Yeah.

Dawn Wiggins [00:09:48]:

So, you know, for all of our listeners who are feeling all the feels and all the resentment and all of the. Just, like, this isn’t fair, and all of the loneliness and the physical aching, Right? Do you guys relate to that? Like, the physical aching of being single at night in a house by yourself? Yeah. Like, this is not just about being single. This is about attachment style. And if you don’t know yours and haven’t dug into that, and if you don’t Have a strategy for healing your attachment style, which, PS Cannot be done in talk therapy. That’s not a thing. You cannot recover your attachment style in talk therapy alone. Just know that that is part of the mission right now during this season in life.

Dawn Wiggins [00:10:28]:

And we do not recommend over here, oh, why am I playing bad cop all of a sudden? Ladies, we do not recommend dating really much at all until you’ve really started to shift fundamentally from a subconscious nervous system. Place your attachment style, because otherwise you are going to attract subconsciously the same style of partner. I heard this super cool reel recently, which was Gabor Mate, guesting on someone’s podcast, talking very plainly about, we attract partners with the same level of trauma resolution as ourselves. So when we have not put in the work to do trauma resolution in the realm of attachment style, we are just going to keep repeating the same relationship over and over and over again. Yeah.

Coach Tiffini [00:11:15]:

And I think that’s the biggest fear among divorced women, is ending up divorce number two, three, four. And look, we work with women who have multiple divorces under their belt. And there is a theme, like, regardless of whether they say, well, this guy wasn’t like this guy when we dig into it, fuck yeah, he was energetic person that chose him. Yeah. Like, all the time. He might have been in another type of clothing or hiding behind a college degree or a great job, but very, very similar type of guy.

Dawn Wiggins [00:11:42]:

Yeah. Okay, well, let’s stop being Debbie Downers maybe. Let’s talk about the financial fallout. Or I’m gonna highlight here the perceived. There is a fallout, right. The financial fallout as being like a single person.

Coach Tiffini [00:11:59]:

Right.

Dawn Wiggins [00:12:00]:

It’s like you take a hit on your taxes, you take a hit on your financial. Your vacation planning, you take a hit and you’re, you know, household management. It’s like so intense that that financial fallout. And it feels like as a single woman, there’s some sort of silent tax.

Producer Joy [00:12:14]:

Right.

Dawn Wiggins [00:12:15]:

But let’s look at how women tend to interpret that sort of financial fear in this season being single, and how they tend to loop around they’re not being enough, and fears that they can’t create the same abundance or that everything is too expensive. Or what would you ladies say to women who really, really struggle to believe that they can be financially abundant as single women? Because it’s maybe feels so tight all the time and so stressed all the time. And it really, literally is maybe paycheck to paycheck and you haven’t gotten a handle on your money yet and everything just seems more expensive and you’re overwhelmed by it all the time. I know I just said we were going to stop being Debbie Downers, but let’s give them some hope. Yeah.

Coach Tiffini [00:12:58]:

Like I would say there’s. There’s always a way out. Right. Like when I first separated, money was. When I tell you that I was making $10 an hour supporting my daughter under very minimal child support, it’s a very different time. Oh my God. Like we didn’t.

Dawn Wiggins [00:13:13]:

$10 an hour doesn’t cut it today.

Coach Tiffini [00:13:15]:

No. And like we were broke. Like we were broke. I had no savings. Like it was a very, very scary time for me. And slowly, slowly I built. I will tell you that I’ve never been as broke in my life as I was in my marriage. Just because of his.

Coach Tiffini [00:13:31]:

Yes, because of his irresponsibility around finances. However, there was always a thing. And so I’ll tell you, like for me, when I, even when I went to buy my first home post divorce, somebody said, why are you buying a four bedroom home? And I said, well, because I’m gonna rent out two of my bedrooms. And I did.

Dawn Wiggins [00:13:49]:

Entrepreneurial spirit right there.

Coach Tiffini [00:13:52]:

And I rented out what I had. I was able to pay off my student loans that way. And within a few years I didn’t have to have two roommates. I ended up keeping one roommate with me for 10 years. She was this beautiful woman. She was 70 years old. She traveled more than me. Like, she became our surrogate grandma.

Coach Tiffini [00:14:07]:

We cooked for each other, we celebrated holidays together. My point is there is a fucking solution for everything if you start looking beyond your circumstances. Scarcity.

Dawn Wiggins [00:14:18]:

Yes, that’s right.

Coach Tiffini [00:14:19]:

Like quit accepting what the world is giving to you. Like, no. A million dollars in your lap, ladies. Like, that shit’s not gonna happen.

Dawn Wiggins [00:14:27]:

Well, they might. I’ve never seen it happen.

Coach Tiffini [00:14:30]:

If you manifest it, that would be great.

Dawn Wiggins [00:14:31]:

That’s it. But to manifest abundance, you have to believe that it’s possible.

Coach Tiffini [00:14:36]:

And I think you have to be ready to receive. Right.

Dawn Wiggins [00:14:39]:

Ready to receive. Right. Two things. Number one, you have to stop believing that you’re, that you’re dependent on anyone else other than you and God to generate. Right. Everyone else is, is playing a part in your, in your story. Right. So you and God together can co create anything you need.

Dawn Wiggins [00:14:59]:

And you have to be ready to let it in.

Coach Tiffini [00:15:03]:

Yeah. And I think that’s the biggest issue is that we’re so stuck on. I can’t, I can’t. I’ll never have. I won’t, I can’t do this, you know, and, and you know, at some point, like And I’ll talk about this at some point on the pod, but there was a period of time where he lost his ability to pay child support to me. And instead of sitting in a corner and giving up, I worked a full time job and I cleaned condos on the weekend and I did photography at night. And my child slept in a photography studio for three months straight while I was editing at night. And I would literally work until midnight 1am and then we would go home and I would get her up for school at 6.

Coach Tiffini [00:15:42]:

I grinded my fucking ass off to be able to provide us a life. And so when women tell me, oh, it’s too hard, I can’t, I can’t. I’m always broke, I’m always this. It’s because you are not willing to step outside of it. And you are basically settling for the shit that’s being given to you. Like, that’s your energy. That’s your energy.

Producer Joy [00:16:01]:

Reach it, Tiffany.

Dawn Wiggins [00:16:03]:

Yeah, but there is also this, like. Well, I think you have to work so hard also for it because there is a need for us to also listen to our bodies and like to sleep.

Coach Tiffini [00:16:17]:

Yeah, yeah, right?

Dawn Wiggins [00:16:20]:

Yeah. And I do think that sometimes it’s. I think women get really overwhelmed and stuck in that. I need money and I need sleep and I don’t know which thing to pick.

Coach Tiffini [00:16:31]:

And I’m not saying it was always easy. I’m not saying that there weren’t nights that I didn’t collapse behind my bedroom door and have a complete meltdown or that I was tired or that I went off on my kid because I didn’t get enough sleep the night before.

Producer Joy [00:16:43]:

Right.

Coach Tiffini [00:16:43]:

Like it was a process. But what I’m saying is if you accept the situation that you are given and you settle, you will never have anything more. If you settle for the breadcrumbs of life, whether it’s from shitty men or shitty jobs or whatever it is, you will always stay stuck in that space.

Producer Joy [00:17:01]:

It’s a whole victim mentality of my life is happening to me and not, I am the CEO, I’m making my life correct. Yeah, yeah, I know. I am friends with this woman whose husband, you know, pieced out. She had two small children and she started just cooking in her kitchen and selling it under like a little white tent at markets. Food, Thai food. And selling it at markets, just. And now she has this big beautiful food truck and she’s killing it. And she’s now supporting her family by just something that she inherently loves doing, loves to do.

Producer Joy [00:17:40]:

And when you can take the Ball by the ball. The bull by the balls, I think.

Dawn Wiggins [00:17:46]:

Is.

Producer Joy [00:17:49]:

You know, and, like, CEO your own life. It’s. That’s where the magic happens and where you get to have anything you want.

Dawn Wiggins [00:17:57]:

But the. The thing that’s required there is a unremarkable belief in self and a remarkable belief that the universe is going to have your back. Because all these things require leaps of faith, reprogramming.

Producer Joy [00:18:10]:

Right. Like, you gotta reprogram that. You know, you got to do the hard work, and you got to dig in and, like, why am I stuck in this moment? Because that’s not the way that God intended our lives to be. Like, nobody. God did not intend you to be small or to be, like, suffering, sharing a cup. Right. A cup of soup for your entire family, because that’s what you have in your kitchen. Like, that’s not the.

Producer Joy [00:18:32]:

That’s. That’s never the plan.

Dawn Wiggins [00:18:33]:

Universe isn’t on a budget.

Producer Joy [00:18:35]:

No, no. The universe.

Coach Tiffini [00:18:39]:

Yeah. But I think what made me sad, too, or just kind of, like, when I would go out or things that I want to notice is, like, when you go out and you notice all these other couples out for dinner, I’m like, really? Look at them. Because nine times out of 10, everybody’s on a phone. You know what I’m saying? And so then that started showing me, too, when I started watching how couples interact. And I’m sorry, Like, the best place to watch couples interactions is at Disney World, because everybody’s fighting.

Dawn Wiggins [00:19:06]:

Interesting. Well, sure.

Coach Tiffini [00:19:08]:

Hi, everybody.

Dawn Wiggins [00:19:09]:

We’re tired.

Coach Tiffini [00:19:10]:

We spent a million dollars, and our kids don’t care. Like, they don’t appreciate anything. They just want to go back to play with a box. Yeah. You know, but, like, my point is, then when I started to shift, it made me want to protect that, because then I saw all these examples of couples that I did not want to be, like, at all. Like, I want.

Producer Joy [00:19:30]:

Right.

Coach Tiffini [00:19:31]:

Yes, it is.

Dawn Wiggins [00:19:32]:

Right.

Coach Tiffini [00:19:33]:

And even when some of these women, like, I would challenge you because I do this in our cohort, and then they’re like, oh, when you tell me that you miss the vacations you took with him, you miss all the romance, do you really, really reflect on that for me? Because I think what you’re missing is companionship. It’s not him. It is companionship that you are missing.

Producer Joy [00:19:52]:

It’s.

Dawn Wiggins [00:19:52]:

It’s the absence of not having to feel lonely.

Coach Tiffini [00:19:56]:

Yeah.

Dawn Wiggins [00:19:56]:

Right. Like, yeah, yeah. But it’s not necessarily unique to this particular person you were, like, smitten with. Right. It’s just pain relief. Right. Because in his absence, there’s pain, there’s loneliness that has existed probably since, you know, the beginning of time for you. And so when he’s present, it.

Dawn Wiggins [00:20:13]:

It’s like a drug, right? It removes that ache or that pain. And so it’s pain relief, not partnership.

Coach Tiffini [00:20:21]:

Yeah. And it’s like, do you really miss him as a partner or you just miss having somebody? And nine times out of 10, when the women dig into it, it’s. They just miss having somebody there knowing that their ex would have made the situation 10 times more stressful than it needed to be.

Dawn Wiggins [00:20:38]:

So what do we do with all this loves? Because this whole. When we have comparisonitis, right? And we look at ourselves as single women and we’re like, oh, but look at these folks. And when can I have that? And I just need someone to hold me. And these are all very real sensations, right. Our nervous systems are barking, saying, like, something’s wrong. Alert, alert, alert. What do we do with it? And I think that we talk about a lot of really important. You gotta do the work around here.

Dawn Wiggins [00:21:08]:

Right. But what is the work? So I get home, let’s say I’m doing it all beautifully, and I scheduled time with my friends and I made plans and I’m boss babing it and I’m doing all the things. But then I get home at night and there’s like a rupture, right? Like I’m crying, I’m lonely, I’m aching. It’s really. It’s our nervous systems asking for something.

Coach Tiffini [00:21:34]:

And that’s why I feel like ifs work is so beautiful. Because in those moments, what so many people, when they are hitting those moments of loneliness, they are seeking external validation and external relief from either a hookup or a glass of wine or a hit of weed, whatever it is.

Dawn Wiggins [00:21:54]:

Well, there are so many women who get married to their wine bottles during divorce.

Coach Tiffini [00:21:59]:

Yes.

Dawn Wiggins [00:21:59]:

It becomes a new best friend, their new partner, their new, like, ride or die. Yes, the wine.

Producer Joy [00:22:04]:

Because that’s what’s socially acceptable. Like, you get to like, it’s cute to have a glass of wine on social media, you know, I mean, like, it’s, it’s very. I feel like it’s very. The. The drug that is status. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Coach Tiffini [00:22:21]:

When really in those moments. And I tell the women who we work with, in those moments, what needs attention is something within you. And you’re the only one that can provide that. And see that.

Dawn Wiggins [00:22:33]:

That’s right. So one of, one of our favorite tools that we use around here is eft tapping. Right. Which is where we actually follow certain tapping points around the face and head and body. That helps release. When we are in that feeling, it helps release the pain that we’re experiencing. Right? And when you can unburden yourself from that pain a little bit at a time, you build your resilience, you build your strength. You feel less and less lonely.

Dawn Wiggins [00:22:58]:

Your sense of self, your sense of worth, your identity gets stronger and stronger. So what we’re doing for our Thursday episode this week for premium subscribers is we have a custom eft tapping sequence just for you ladies. If you didn’t know, now you know, the three of us are going to tap it out about together in the Thursday episode. And so it’s like literally something you can do when you get home at night. You’re so sad, you can’t seem to make the feelings go away, Right? So here’s something you can do in real time to really reprogram your subconscious mind. Release some of those feelings and start to shift your attachment style.

Coach Tiffini [00:23:33]:

Right?

Dawn Wiggins [00:23:33]:

Because loneliness and that feeling of not being whole, that is the. The attachment style echo. And so the more you can do, the more frequently you could do things like if, ifs and eft tapping, the more you’re actually rehabbing your attachment style, which gets you more and more ready to date and. And do it from a different place. Joy. I know you used a lot of eft in your healing journey, Tiffany. Not as much.

Coach Tiffini [00:24:00]:

Yeah. Not as much for me.

Dawn Wiggins [00:24:02]:

Yeah. I feel like I eft the out of myself for years.

Producer Joy [00:24:06]:

Yeah. Because it’s something that you. You don’t have to depend on to. It’s a modality you don’t have to depend on. It’s not. It’s not therapy. It’s not EMDR in. In the traditional sense.

Producer Joy [00:24:16]:

Like, it’s. I could get my three small children to bed and sit in my bed in a safe, comfortable place and eft the. Out of my. Out of my. You know what I mean? Like, out of my trauma, out of my brain, out of my emotions. And. And I got so good at it. Like I could be at a stoplight and just be, you know, just be ruined.

Producer Joy [00:24:38]:

I had met. Basically memorized the sequence that I was doing at the time I did em. Emotional pain. Healing from emotional pain was my. My jam because it was. It was empowering for me to be able to take charge and not have to wait for my Tuesday appointment with my therapist or wait for whatever it was, you know what I mean? Like, I could. I could do it by myself. So I did love me some EFTs.

Producer Joy [00:25:04]:

I mean, it’s very, very, very empowering to be able to handle it yourself, you know?

Coach Tiffini [00:25:10]:

And I feel like we all have our favorite tools over here. And newsflash, by the way, to our listeners, this is not a job where you come in during the day and you’re allowed to be mentally off. That shit is called out on the carpet very clearly. Right? You’re allowed to be mentally off. Yes. We’re just going to address it. You need to talk about your mental offness here.

Producer Joy [00:25:30]:

Right. You don’t get to dissociate or hide.

Dawn Wiggins [00:25:34]:

Right.

Producer Joy [00:25:35]:

It’s called out quick.

Coach Tiffini [00:25:36]:

It’s a very transparent team. But we all have our favorite tools, you know, so, you know, Joy is a big eft, obviously. EMDR was a big part of my healing journey. IFS is my obsession. For me, it’s meditation. It’s meditation. And grounding in nature is kind of the thing that sets me off.

Dawn Wiggins [00:25:54]:

Yeah.

Coach Tiffini [00:25:54]:

That’s the thing that really makes me feel present. And I have so many clients that in those moments, too, they just want to reach for a tool. A tool, a tool. And sometimes they don’t like me. But the answer is sit with it. Sit with it and let the emotion move through and see what comes up. And they don’t like an answer.

Dawn Wiggins [00:26:13]:

Yeah, I don’t think most people know how right to sit with it.

Coach Tiffini [00:26:17]:

They gotta have something.

Dawn Wiggins [00:26:19]:

And I’m getting off on a tangent here, and then I’m gonna pull it back on track. But we are so used to feeling a feeling and then telling ourselves a story about that feeling. We attach a belief or a meaning to that feeling, and then we’re no longer feeling. We’re thinking about the feeling, and now it’s no longer moving through. So I really believe that it’s a skill to just be able to sit and feel a feeling without attaching a label or a story to it and to be able to identify where you feel it in your body. I was not able to do that until post homeopathy. And I think that’s why I’m so obsessed with homeopathy, because I could not effectively or consistently move emotion through my body until I had those pathways more open. So now I can sit with a feeling and just be like, oh, this is just a sensation.

Dawn Wiggins [00:27:05]:

It’s like if I burned my hand on the stove, I wouldn’t need to tell myself a million stories about why my finger’s burning. I would just know, right? And it’s just like, oh, shit, that hurts. But when it’s Emotional pain. We really start to get into a narrative about where it came from and why it’s there and why it’s never going to be gone and why it’s always going to be this way or why it can never be a different way. It’s like, it’s exhausting how much we tell ourselves, but it’s really because we’re trying to distance ourselves from just feeling. And I do think that’s one of the reasons why EFT is so effective, because it validates the pain, right? There’s a narrative that goes through EFT that there’s. That it validates the pain and it helps us to stay in it. Right? Because that’s what needs to happen, is we need to be able to feel it in order to unburden it.

Dawn Wiggins [00:27:47]:

And so while we’re tapping it gives us something to do while we’re feeling it keeps us focused on needing to experience it. And then, you know, very often there’s a release at the end. It’s very cool. So if you have not been doing EFT consistently, strong recommendation because it is a free give or take, right? Maybe the cost of a five dollar subscription every month. Way for you to, like producer Joy said, take charge of your healing.

Coach Tiffini [00:28:15]:

And I will second what Don said. Like, post homeopathy, I’m able to do so much more from a sit still grounding even. I was never able to manifest pre homeopathy. I was never able to meditate properly because my mind was always going a million miles an hour. So post homeopathy, I’ve been able to really sit with myself and those feelings don’t feel so heavy anymore. It’s just kind of like in and out, like, oh, there it is. Okay, there it is, there it is.

Dawn Wiggins [00:28:44]:

So if you have been struggling to feel like, dang it, I am single in a couple’s world and this sucks. Like, come talk to us. Send any of us a DM on the ig. Join us in a premium episode. A especially because we are launching next month in November. Right? Monthly workshops for all premium subscribers. We also are going to talk about this in a future episode, but we have some homeopathic products that we are launching that are only and exclusively for premium subscribers. So if you are not a premium subscriber, you don’t.

Dawn Wiggins [00:29:17]:

Yeah, it’s, you know, it’s, it’s a, it’s a vibe. It’s a club over here. So join us.

Producer Joy [00:29:22]:

Yeah.

Dawn Wiggins [00:29:25]:

So if you haven’t subscribed to premium yet, this is your invitation to do that $5 a month and you get all of our premium episodes. You get access to exclusive offers that nobody else gets. You get to come to monthly workshops. It is the place to be. All right. We love you so much. Peace, dear. Divorce Diary is a podcast by My Coach Dawn.

Dawn Wiggins [00:29:55]:

You can find more mycoachdawn.com.