Today, I am thinking about overcoming self-doubt and how to deal with it. I want to share an experience I had today that inspired me to talk about this.
A few months ago, I was summoned for jury duty (that is its own epic story about how I got scammed around delaying my jury duty, which you can read about here), but today, I finally reported for duty. During roll call, we each had to stand up and say how far we drove, what our job was, whether or not we were married or single, and what our spouse’s job was. There was a woman in the back row who said she just started a job and that her husband had a job, but she was not sure of his title because they had recently separated.
I want to say to that woman:
This article is for you. I wish I had hugged you. I wish I had asked you what you needed. I want you to know that I could feel your self-doubt and your insecurities, all on the surface, and see the vulnerability involved in having to speak those basic things about yourself.
If I could go back to that room and I could speak to you, I would say, “You are beautiful, and you are wise – wiser than you realize – and you have the power to create worlds inside of you.
You are a woman. And as that woman, you can create life.
You Have the Power to Create Your Life
You have the power to create your life. If I could speak to that woman today, I would say, “You have everything you need.
Ask anyone around you for help in executing the things that you desire.
If you feel like you have insurmountable circumstances around you, it’s not true. You will be able to find a million examples to prove to me why everything is so hard right now. And I know how true those feelings are.”
As I was sitting in the courtroom, I was reading a homeopathic book on how all human emotion comes from the imagination.
Your imagination is running wild. It’s focused on the things that could go wrong rather than the things that could go right.
Focus on Positive Energy
You get to change all of that. However, you have to interrupt your imagination, thinking about everything that can go wrong.
It means harnessing your imagination and believing that everything can go right.
So often, we women stay in marriages for so long because divorce is the very last resort—except maybe for the woman who didn’t want this divorce at all and got blindsided by it.
Often, something was calling you forward, something more.
You believed at some point that there was something more for you than these circumstances.
We get a couple of minutes of insane courage, we pull the trigger and we women do the thing. Then as the dust starts to settle, if you’ve made the decision to separate, you then think, “Now what?” There are so many moments that feel too big to overcome.
The reality is that most of the time, those things feel so big because of how powerful our imaginations are. So, I want you to imagine a beautiful life after divorce. I know that you may say, “I used to imagine a beautiful life, Dawn, and then this is what I got!” You’re not wrong. So, let’s talk about what went wrong.
While there may be things inside of you that need to be healed or shed, it doesn’t mean that everything went wrong. Too often, we let our imaginations, our emotions, and a code of conduct that was handed down to us dictate how we make choices. Too often, we women suffer too long. Too often, we don’t express ourselves well.
Too often, we don’t live our dreams.
Feel Joy Every Day
It’s not enough to just dream about a beautiful life after divorce.
As you step onto the path of that beautiful life, I want you to care enough about how you feel to make sure you feel joy every day.
I want you to care enough about how you feel to make sure you express yourself honestly every day.
Don’t hide who you are, don’t shrink to make other people feel better about themselves, and don’t settle.
Love Yourself
Overcoming self-doubt to create a life you love includes finding solutions and using them consistently.
If you used to dream of a beautiful life and then somewhere it broke down after divorce, I want to ask you how well you love yourself and how much love from others you were letting in.
What does that look like today?
Step Outside Your Comfort Zone
How well are you loving yourself today? And how much love from others are you letting in now? It’s all part of recalibrating your dream.
Dream big, and make sure you put people in your path who are going to support you and who are going to love you well in that big dream.
That often means stepping outside of your comfort zone and finding people who will treat you differently.
Be Vulnerable
Be vulnerable. Many of us keep going back to an empty well and expecting our cups to get filled. We women keep asking for love from the places where it’s not quite available. Then we’re back in the circle of feeling disappointed, rejected, and that we’re not good enough.
Have Faith
I believe in a God and a universe that knows what we want, who believes in us, and who supports and guides us all the time. The more we women try to control the outcomes, the more we muck it up.
If you used to dream and then you got this divorce and you’re afraid to dream again because you don’t know if it’s going to work, I want you to know that today, even though on this very day the things that go on in this planet seem heinous and horrible and insurmountable, we have a better understanding of mental wellness.
We know about manifestation. We know how to discern anxiety from intuition. We know how to attract the beautiful dream that you have visualized. And there are tools out there to click all of that into place. There are places where there is beauty, where there is joy, where there is strength, where there are answers, where there is love, where there is accountability.
Do not give up. Do not be faint of heart. Puff up your chest, roll your shoulders back, take a deep breath, and know that somebody here is thinking of you.
Find People Who Support You
When you think that you’re alone in your bed at night and everything feels insurmountable, and you don’t know how to overcome self-doubt, someone is thinking of you, and you don’t even know it. Your job is to navigate toward those people.
I don’t want you to get bogged down in a narrative on social media that tells you that you are entitled to feel anger and resentment and that you are entitled to feel everything you’re feeling. You are entitled to feel those things, but you are not intended to stay stuck in those feelings.
You are intended to use your God-given tools to heal, rise, and break cycles and to be the beautiful, bright, shining light that you are.
That doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy. We will feel painful things.
Seek Emotional Freedom and Post-Divorce Healing
Suffering is very real. To the women who have been abused and to the women who have felt trapped, helpless, and powerless, I can only imagine the layers of suffering that you have experienced. Redemption is possible, and emotional freedom is possible if you keep searching for it.
If you keep using your imagination to believe in it, you keep steady on the path toward it.
I am not here to deny your suffering. I see you and your suffering. You have the power to create worlds inside of you. And if you get stuck in a feeling, shake it up. When we women get stuck in a feeling, we go stagnant.
Overcoming self-doubt includes not letting your heart go bitter.
You are beautiful, and you are wise, and you are powerful. And I see you.
To the woman in the courtroom, I’m sorry I didn’t hug you. I love you so much. Peace.
Divorce recovery coach Dawn Wiggins
...helps people crack open. Challenging the status quo, she integrates multiple modalities from EMDR to EFT tapping, journaling, homeopathy, and movement, embracing remedies that heal both the mind and body. Divorce recovery coach Dawn Wiggins is on a mission to deliver life-changing therapy in an accessible, scalable, affordable way and make waves in the world of mental health with the same enlightenment that happens in her office. Part science, part essential oils, pure magic.
