Loneliness after Divorce: How To Overcome It

First of all, hugs. Because I’m a hugger and you could use a hug. I know loneliness after divorce is the worst feeling to sit with. Of course, the entire process of divorce is lonely. It often feels like single-handedly carrying all of the world’s responsibilities with no one around to help. And the loneliness can lead to some pretty destructive choices…which I am NOT judging bc I did them too. They usually involve alcohol, maybe some recreational drugs, random sex, and spending money on things you do not need. But none of it works. Not for longer than a few hours. And then you crash. And feel like shit. And deeply alone.

The Story of Loneliness after Divorce

You Want to Be Wanted … Again

You know you’re not ready to date, but you want someone to want you. To hold your hand, take your call when you’re having a bad day, and to tell you how beautiful you look when you cry.

Buuuuuuut dating won’t work if you haven’t healed the wounds from before, during, or after divorce. This means you’re exceptionally raw; your perspective is shot, you’re highly susceptible to feeling rejected and doing a shitty job of picking dates.

So now what?

You learn more about loneliness and the secret weapon to overcome it! Loneliness is a trigger and usually the result of 2 things: Grief, isolation, and separation that comes with divorce, but there is typically another struggle with loneliness that existed when you were young. The loneliness from your younger years can be harder to spot, but after years of working with divorcees, I’ve noticed a trend.

Experiencing Grief and Loss

The divorce loneliness is from grief and loss. It’s the process of letting go of your ex, your life as it was, the dreams you didn’t fulfill, and learning to accept that (at least for now) there are some empty spaces. Those empty spaces are one of the reasons you feel lonely.

Except, it’s not the whole story.