First of all, hugs. Because I’m a hugger and you could use a hug. I know loneliness after divorce is the worst feeling to sit with. Of course, the entire process of divorce is lonely. It often feels like single-handedly carrying all of the world’s responsibilities with no one around to help. And the loneliness can lead to some pretty destructive choices…which I am NOT judging bc I did them too. They usually involve alcohol, maybe some recreational drugs, random sex, and spending money on things you do not need. But none of it works. Not for longer than a few hours. And then you crash. And feel like shit. And deeply alone.
The Story of Loneliness after Divorce
You Want to Be Wanted … Again
You know you’re not ready to date, but you want someone to want you. To hold your hand, take your call when you’re having a bad day, and to tell you how beautiful you look when you cry.
Buuuuuuut dating won’t work if you haven’t healed the wounds from before, during, or after divorce. This means you’re exceptionally raw; your perspective is shot, you’re highly susceptible to feeling rejected and doing a shitty job of picking dates.
So now what?
You learn more about loneliness and the secret weapon to overcome it! Loneliness is usually the result of 2 things: Grief, isolation, and separation that comes with divorce, but there is typically another struggle with loneliness that existed when you were young. The loneliness from your younger years can be harder to spot, but after years of working with divorcees, I’ve noticed a trend.
Experiencing Grief and Loss
The divorce loneliness is from grief and loss. It’s the process of letting go of your ex, your life as it was, the dreams you didn’t fulfill, and learning to accept that (at least for now) there are some empty spaces. Those empty spaces are one of the reasons you feel lonely.
Except, it’s not the whole story.
Loneliness and Emptiness
There is an earlier wound. It may feel even deeper than lonely, like emptiness. This type of early loneliness goes hand in hand with an anxious attachment style. I love helping women heal from anxious attachment because it ensures you will have a healthy relationship in the future! And, girl, you deserve to have a healthy and loving relationship.
In order to have the future you want, it’s time to start reeling in the unhealthy things you have been doing to avoid loneliness. Check out this list and note how many of them apply to you. None of them are inherently wrong or bad. But, they are clues about behaviors that could block your ability to solve the problem once and for all.
Your Way of Dealing With Loneliness After Divorce
- Filling any spare minute with an activity
- Buying things for your kiddos so they will love you more
- Screen time
- Chronically helping other people
- Obsessing over your ex
Did I nail it?
I know because I did them too. But if you want to get past this and end up happily ever after, you need a new plan.
Overcoming Loneliness after Divorce: Listen, Learn, Shift
To help you get to the bottom of your loneliness, I created the Post Divorce Roadmap to help you resolve and overcome the loneliness once and for all. The secret weapon in the roadmap is guided journaling! This 21-day journaling series will:
- Provide you with a different choice when you’re feeling lonely. Sometimes you don’t know what to do with your pain, and you need some guidance.
- Give you a support group of other divorcees who will help you feel less alone in those dark moments when it’s too late to call someone, or you’re afraid those snotty tears are too much of a burden.
- Strategically guide you through the solution because it’s easy to feel lost in the healing journey.
You Aren’t Totally Alone.
So. Many. Women. have joined the Post Divorce Roadmap and are waiting to support you on this journey.
I am here too. Ready to support and guide you through this struggle. If you have questions, shoot an email to firstname.lastname@example.org, and I’ll respond personally 🙂 Talk soon.