The frequent calls from divorce lawyers and the back-and-forth emails have gone silent. The stressful depositions, appeals, and endless mediations have ended. It’s been a long time, but your divorce is finally final, and this chapter of your life has come to a close. Soooooooo…what now, how do you start your life over after your divorce? How are you supposed to feel? What’s your next move?
You made it through one hell of a divorce alive, so why (WHY?!?!) does starting over after divorce feel so insurmountable now, and why do you still feel so shitty? Read more if you are having a hard time coping with divorce and if you’re constantly asking yourself, “How do I start my life over after divorce?
It’s hard to recognize and accept this, but an unhealthy marriage is often the result of a million nuanced choices women have made over a long time period, and divorce is one solution to that particular problem; divorce doesn’t, however, fix everything.
You need to overhaul your thinking, girlfriend. Let’s get your confidence back, and let’s get the post-divorce you through your divorce recovery and ready to conquer the world again!
How Do I Start My Life Over After Divorce: Perspective, Trust, Intuition
#1 Regain Perspective
As personal as marriage and divorce are, feeling like divorce is something that happened TO you isn’t the kind of outlook that promotes healing; don’t victimize yourself. Plain and simple, divorce doesn’t happen to you. Your divorce is something that happened, period. And when you truly understand that, you can start to move forward in your mental health and divorce recovery journey.
Villainizing your ex-spouse isn’t going to solve any problems, either. Marriage isn’t one-sided, and I’m sure your contributions to the marriage failing are also valid. I mean, how often do you get something right 100 percent of the time? This rings especially true with something as intricate as marriage. Now, just because you screw up doesn’t mean you’re scum. I’m just saying, don’t waste your time and energy picking apart what your ex did wrong. Instead, pay attention and focus on starting life over after divorce with a new perspective!
#2 Make Healing After Divorce a Priority
The ending of your marriage can be a devastating loss, a loss that needs to be adequately grieved so you can heal and move forward. You’re going to feel powerful and impactful emotions like hurt, anger, and sadness. And because it’s vital that these critical emotions are worked through properly, seeking professional therapy with someone like myself to help in coping with divorce and starting your life over after divorce is important.
Especially for women, prioritizing your emotional health and mental health isn’t an option; it’s a necessity.
#3 Change Your Relationship to Money
I’m not talking about your budget and fiscal health here, but more so, WHY are you spending, and what are you spending on? Your spending habits, especially after a divorce trauma, can be some of the most significant indicators of your emotional state.
If you think about it for a moment, are some of your biggest credit card purchases made when you’re feeling down? What about those late-night impulse buys on Amazon resulting in delivery regrets two days later; were you becoming close friends with loneliness that evening? Was it hanging out with you? Spending money like that isn’t good for you; in fact, the only thing it’ll contribute to is emotional and mental health decline instead of emotional healing.
Working on changing your relationship to money and making better spending decisions as you’re starting over after divorce will help you feel more confident and empowered going forward.
#4 Trust Yourself Again First
Those pesky trust issues will get worse if they aren’t addressed ASAP. Maybe you’ve had trust issues as long as you can remember, or perhaps you took some damaging hits during your divorce; either way, learning to trust again is a must when coping with divorce and striving to move forward.
But before focusing on your ability to rely on others once more, women need to trust themselves again first.
How can you expect to regain confidence in anyone, even close friends, if you have no faith in your own thoughts and decisions? You can’t. Reaching out to a divorce coach like me for help in the trust area can really help in your divorce recovery.
An outside experienced perspective is sometimes the push you need to become your own most trusted advisor again.
#5 Date Smart
Ah, dating. Most likely, you’ll choose to begin dating after divorce, and that’s great! Take caution, fix your relationship attachment style, and deal with your childhood trauma first, because if you date too soon or for the wrong reasons, you could be headed for disaster.
Take the time to consider why you’re dating: Loneliness? Financial instability? Boredom? If it’s yes to any of those reasons, STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING.
Involving a new partner in your life is not going to fix any pre-existing issues you have; in fact, you’re setting yourself up for a potentially unhealthy and damaging relationship.
To date successfully after divorce, it’s essential that you have grieved your failed marriage properly and taken steps independently to heal and repair yourself and your mental health before you involve someone else. Do this, and you can expect to go into dating confidently.
#6 Become Besties With Your Intuition
You know that little voice of reason and instinct that you probably kept ignoring during your marriage? Don’t continue to brush it off; start listening! Become close friends with it.
Trusting your intuition and paying attention when something doesn’t quite add up can help you make better choices and potentially save you from some unsavory situations.
#7 Listen to Your Loneliness; it Has Something to Say
Experiencing times or moments of loneliness after divorce is to be human. Feeling alone is something you’ll probably feel once your marriage has ended, but this is not a reason to despair. It’s really an opportunity for growth and discovery!
When in solitude, check up on how you’re doing. After your split, if you aren’t in touch with yourself, being single can feel pretty isolating. But divorce doesn’t have to be isolating.
Instead of wallowing or making poor choices, rediscover what your wants and needs are. Become best friends with yourself again!
#8 Be Nicer to Yourself
I wouldn’t be surprised if your divorce trauma left you feeling pretty shitty about yourself. Going through such a negative life-changing event is bound to have its effects on your self-esteem, but it’s time to start looking up.
- Start by changing the language you’re using to communicate with yourself and begin having more positive conversations. Remember, you are not perfect, and you can’t demand that of yourself, or you’ll get caught in a loop of constant let-downs.
- Making time for physical care is also essential on your road to divorce recovery. Try getting some stress relief by working out at the gym, quieting your mind with some meditation, or soaking your troubles away in a candle-lit bubble bath. Be kinder to yourself; you deserve happiness!
#9 Trust the Crisis
Yes, your divorce is considered a crisis; No, you don’t want to get caught up wallowing in the “unfairness” of it all.
This event happened for a reason and can turn into a rewarding awareness breakthrough if you allow it. Your divorce doesn’t have to be in vain.
Use this precious time following the closing of your marriage to get in touch with yourself, your hopes, and your desires.
If you ask yourself, “How do I start my life over after divorce?”, seeking counseling and professional guidance from a divorce coach during this time can help you gain immense clarity and allow for important individual growth. Trust yourself and trust that you are right where you’re supposed to be on your unique path in life.
If you are asking yourself, “How do I start my life over after divorce?” and you are seeking a support system, coaching, and guidance on how to start again after divorce, check out my Post Divorce Roadmap, a 3-week guided journaling for healing course with strategic prompts, affirming mirror messages, and a classical music playlist that does something science-y to your brain while you journal. I may not be able to help you with your divorce lawyers (some things are unavoidable), but starting over after divorce? I got you, love.
Post Divorce Road Map
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