Finding Love after a Divorce: How to Date Again Without Settling

5 Takeaways

1. Believing in love is the first step to finding love again after a divorce, and most women don’t actually believe it’s possible for them. Many women say they want love, but they’re actually operating from hidden beliefs like “there are no good men” or “it’s too late for me.” They don’t go around saying “I don’t believe in love,” — instead they say things like “I don’t know where to find men,” or “it’s too hard,” or “I’ll get scammed.” Laurie has identified 34 specific obstacles finding love after divorce, and most women have 10 to 15 of them. The core issue is that women have never really gone for what they actually want — they’ve always compromised, settling for an 8 or 9 in one area while accepting much less in the others, which means they keep being right that “he doesn’t exist” because they’re not even looking for him.
2. The 3H Method (head, heart, and hoo-ha) gives you permission to want an 8 out of 10 in all three areas—without settling. Head is the practical voter (values, lifestyle compatibility), heart is the one that cares about how you feel (emotional connection, how they make you laugh), and hoo-ha is the chemistry constituency (attraction, physical connection). Laurie explains that in your history, you have not attempted to find an 8 out of 10 on all three H’s — if it’s a 9 in hoo-ha, you didn’t get a 9 in head; if it’s high in heart, your head had to be low. But when finding love after divorce, you define what you want using feelings instead of specifics (like “I feel safe in his arms” instead of “tall and muscular”), it becomes way easier to believe in love and manifest the person because you realize the things you actually want are more universal and more available than you thought.
3. Dating with intention instead of desperation means pausing to heal, doing your work “on the bench,” and having a clear plan before you start swiping. Being “on the bench” is a critical part of being on a team with a goal — you watch the game, learn the game, understand the game before you play. This isn’t a lonely stage if you’re really doing your work, especially if you’re doing it in community with other women. Then “in the game” means you’re actively engaged with meeting new people with clear intention and standards. And “early dating” is when you’re seeing if this person might truly be a 3H match — and you only get three dates to get them to 8 or above in all three H’s, or they’re out. Pausing to do your work isn’t a waste of time or a detour — it’s the road towards the dream, and it saves you heartache, wasted time, and fatigue when finding love after divorce.
4. Dating with kids doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself, and modeling healthy love is one of the greatest gifts you can give your children.There are two extremes when it comes to dating with kids: people who are selfish and overdo it and forsake their kids (and get punished by their kids for it), and people who are scared to be vulnerable and blame their kids for why they can’t date. What kids need most is unconditional love, to be truly known and seen for who they are, and an example of a happy human and role model — someone who shows them what a healthy life looks like in terms of health, love, and career. If you withhold from doing the work to love yourself and finding love after divorce, you don’t do a service to your kids. However, the child needs to feel they have the whole of what they need from you before there’s access for you to give to someone else, so more love equals more love, not more love equals less love for them.
5. Clear boundaries around sex and monogamy protect your heart, and unhealed trauma will absolutely show up in relationships. If you’re looking for the love of your life, do not have sex unless you are committed to one another monogamously (not necessarily marriage-track, but genuinely exclusive). The reason is chemical — women get attached when they have sex due to hormones. It’s a way to protect your heart and protect you from over-investing in something that isn’t headed toward 8 or above. She also doesn’t recommend drinking on the first three dates because you need full presence and judgment for finding love after divorce. And her most unpopular opinion: people really think they can not do their trauma healing and still find healthy love, and she has not found that to be true. One person ends up being held hostage by the other’s unresolved wounds. You’re supposed to do your trauma healing.

Highlights

• 00:00 “Teaching Love to Women 50+”
• 05:09 Three H’s of Love: Head, Heart, Hoo Ha
• 09:08 “Stages of Growth in Teamwork”
• 11:49 “Embrace Relationships and Self-Growth”
• 14:29 Finding Joy Beyond Consumption
• 16:33 “Detoxing Past Relationships”
• 20:33 Crafting an Empowering Divorce Letter
• 25:47 “Basing Attraction Beyond Bias”
• 26:59 Redefining Love Priorities
• 31:32 Intentional Dating Saves Time
• 33:46 Commitment Needed for Intimacy
• 36:12 Facing Loneliness and Self-Truth
• 39:02 Unraveling Personal History Method
• 42:42 Cleavage in Advertising
• 45:23 “Future Episodes & Resources Teaser”

Full Transcript

Dawn Wiggins [00:00:00]:

Ladies, we are blessed because today we have with us Lori Gerber and she is literally one of the most engaging and effective life coaches. She has appeared on The Today Show, Dr. Phil, MTV, A E. She has been the resident love expert at match, Zoosk, JDate, many more. She is the expert we have been waiting for here on Dear Divorce Diary. She lives in NYC. She loves to meditate, jog.

Laurie Gerber [00:00:28]:

She.

Dawn Wiggins [00:00:28]:

She’s got three beautiful children whom she jokes that you know, in her spare time she attempts to get cuddles from them. She has been married for 26 years. She is bringing us her wisdom. Today we are going to talk about your beliefs, the way you self sabotage dating. We are going to talk about dating, preparation, and tactical strategies. And she is going to share with us some bold truths and the wisdom of her experience. Lori, welcome. So you tell them your version of how we met and a little bit of your backstory.

Laurie Gerber [00:01:04]:

Oh, just totally synchronicity magic. These people. These people believe in that, right?

Dawn Wiggins [00:01:11]:

That they do.

Laurie Gerber [00:01:13]:

We have a common professional connection that decided that we should all be on a roof to create content for the world. And cahoots. Cahoots. We got cahooted. And you and I took one look over the zoom cameras and said, we are meant to be together.

Dawn Wiggins [00:01:32]:

It does do us part.

Laurie Gerber [00:01:34]:

And now here we are collaborating on our first content effort. And my backstory is I’ve been in the coaching biz for over 20 years. And before life coaching was a thing and certainly it was embarrassing to even say I did it. That was my original thought about life coaching. But I so loved the Handel method, which is the method I teach.

Dawn Wiggins [00:01:56]:

Okay.

Laurie Gerber [00:01:57]:

That I could not help myself. I needed to teach it to the world. It was originally developed at MIT in Stanford. It feeds my need for academic and also spiritual backing. I know you relate to that. You like things that are happening heavily scientifically proven as well as spiritually proven also.

Dawn Wiggins [00:02:15]:

That’s right.

Laurie Gerber [00:02:16]:

Right. So I fell in love with that method and I have been teaching it since I learned it in my own life when I was having my near divorce experience about 20 years ago. I’ve been using it since and I use it every day and it keeps working and it keeps being a pleasure and a privilege and an honor to teach it to other people. And in midlife I went off on my own. I still licensed that method, but I went off on my own. And when I was asking myself what do I most want to focus on? Women over 50 are what came to me. And so then that women over 50 and all things Love have become my favorite focus. So that’s my backstory up to today.

Dawn Wiggins [00:02:54]:

So I’m sure it’s going to come out at some point in our interview, but you and I were in a different meeting with, you know, our cahooted group of people the other day. I just love. Like, this was, like, if someone asked me, what was the moment you knew you and Lori were perfect together. You know, we were talking about what? Roadblocks. Women, right? And you said, they don’t believe in love. And I said, that’s it. But they don’t know that that’s it. And you said, no, they don’t know.

Dawn Wiggins [00:03:21]:

They think that. They just. Where are the men? They don’t know where to find the men. Right. But it’s actually, at its core, women don’t believe in love. Can we start there?

Laurie Gerber [00:03:30]:

Yeah. And it’s so funny. It’s like fear, you know? Nobody ever just says, oh, I’m afraid. We just have all of these, oh, I’m busy, you know, oh, I have to. Blah, blah, blah. Oh, my kids need blah, blah, blah. Or it’s the same thing, right? We don’t go, I don’t believe in love. Who would ever admit that, right? We just go, there’s no men here.

Dawn Wiggins [00:03:48]:

There’s no men.

Laurie Gerber [00:03:49]:

I don’t know. You know, it’s too hard. It’s so depressing. I’ll get scammed, you know, and on and on. So I have given my life to articulating and breaking down the obstacles that people have to believing in love. So far, I have 34 on the list. But don’t worry, not every. Not everyone has all 34.

Laurie Gerber [00:04:12]:

10 to 15 of them. And I have answers. Answers for those obstacles. Okay, so them are tactical answers. Some are spiritual answers. Some are.

Dawn Wiggins [00:04:24]:

Wow. So you have compiled a list of 34 potential sabotaging roadblocks that women have to finding love. 34?

Laurie Gerber [00:04:32]:

Yes.

Dawn Wiggins [00:04:32]:

How many do you think we’ll cover today?

Laurie Gerber [00:04:36]:

Count at the end.

Dawn Wiggins [00:04:38]:

Okay, let’s.

Laurie Gerber [00:04:39]:

Let’s see how we do. We. That’s a. That’s. I don’t have a particular agenda, but I’m gonna pull up the list just.

Dawn Wiggins [00:04:46]:

So we can clarify how many we covered.

Laurie Gerber [00:04:48]:

Yeah. So that we can. At the end, we can do a sweep and see. See how we did. Where shall we begin?

Dawn Wiggins [00:04:54]:

Let’s begin with what questions should a woman be asking herself before she swipes. Right.

Laurie Gerber [00:05:04]:

Or.

Dawn Wiggins [00:05:04]:

Or agrees to date. Right. What question should a woman be asking herself?

Laurie Gerber [00:05:09]:

Let’s start with the notion that the reason people don’t believe in love is because they’ve never really gone for what they actually want. So in the hand, in the hand on method, we break it down into head, heart and Hoo Ha. Oh, there are three, three voters, three H’s. Head is the practical voter, heart is the one that cares about how you feel and Hoo Ha is the chemistry constituency. Right. And so those are the three voices everybody has now mind you, we have those voices. When it comes to picking a doctor, picking a place to live, picking a best friend, picking a dress at a store, there’s always the practical how it feels and does it turn you on? How attractive is it to you? What’s the chemistry like? So we start by just understanding that in your history you have not attempted to find an 8 out of 10 on all three ages. Wow.

Laurie Gerber [00:06:05]:

Right. If it’s a 9 out of 10 in Hoo Ha, you’re not going to get a 9 out of 10 in head. If it’s a 9 out Of 10 in head, you know you’re not going to get a 9 out of 10 in Hoohah. If your heart is high, usually your head is has to be low. Right. So we just keep compromising. We don’t ever even conceive of manifest believe in the whole thing. So we keep being right, that it’s not possible, he doesn’t exist, we’re not even looking for him.

Laurie Gerber [00:06:29]:

And then we hold that against ourselves, we hold it against men, we hold it against society, we hold it against all the things.

Dawn Wiggins [00:06:34]:

So.

Laurie Gerber [00:06:36]:

So the question you should be asking yourself before you swipe is what do you want in those three areas? I also have a quiz. I have a quiz on my website, 5 Minute Quiz. Are you ready? Are you ready? I love that.

Dawn Wiggins [00:06:51]:

I love a good quiz, especially when it’s coming from a professional I know like and trust. So yes, we will absolutely put that quiz link in the show notes must have.

Laurie Gerber [00:06:58]:

So the first question is am I ready? And the second and that has multiple answers on multiple levels and then the second question is what do I actually want in all three ages? Yeah. And then I mean for divorced women, I think we’re also asking like are my kids ready? I, I think that’s honestly a question.

Dawn Wiggins [00:07:17]:

Absolutely, absolutely. But what is just, it’s like in neon, like do I even believe that I can get an 8 out of a 10 in a head of heart and a Hoo Ha? I would guess most of us, it’s just in all bold caps, italics, you name it, are going to say no, that does not exist. And if it does, it’s already taken. And if it’s not taken, it’s. How am I going to find it? It’s not going to find me, like right there. Boom. The reticular activated system is programmed to say, like, this isn’t possible for me. So we’re settling.

Dawn Wiggins [00:07:46]:

Yeah.

Laurie Gerber [00:07:47]:

Wow. Yeah. Not necessary.

Dawn Wiggins [00:07:51]:

So now to all the women who are already swiping and they’ve just heard that they’re not ready, what do you tell them?

Laurie Gerber [00:07:59]:

You can take a pause. That’s what’s so beautiful. Especially if you’re on your second go around. Maybe you’ve already had your kids, you can just go, hey, there’s no rush here. Everything I do to, quote, get ready is for me, my own evolution, my own development. Anyway, so this is not a waste of time. This is not a detour. This is the road towards the dream.

Laurie Gerber [00:08:19]:

And think of the heartache you’re saving yourself, the wasted time you’re saving yourself, the fatigue that you’re saving yourself if you take a little pause and do.

Dawn Wiggins [00:08:29]:

Do your own work. A little work, yeah. So this is where we get into some of the, like, existential or spiritual issues, right? Because then if I’m going to take a pause from dating and let’s say I’m getting really lonely or I’m doubting, right? What’s possible for me. And now, now I’m. Now it’s hard, right Now I’m saying it’s. I’m lonely. This is hard. But when.

Dawn Wiggins [00:08:53]:

When can I finally have this companion, Right? So what do you say to women when they’re in the work, Right. They’re pausing, dating, but they’re feeling bogged down in it and a little hopeless, helpless. Am I saying that right, do you think?

Laurie Gerber [00:09:08]:

Well, I think when you pause to do your work, if you really are doing your work, it’s not a lonely moment. I also, I coach women in groups, which. And it’s really fun to coach women in groups because they are in three stages. The first stage is on the bench, which I think is such an important part of being on a team that has a goal. If you want to get to the World Series, you’re going to spend time on the bench watching the game, to learn the game, to understand the game, and then also when it’s not your turn up at that, to watch how other people play and how the game unfolds. So on the bench is very, very critical learning moment. They. Then there’s in the game where you’re sporting, and if you’re doing it Right.

Laurie Gerber [00:09:47]:

You are very active. You would not be lonely because you would be engaged, per my instructions, with meeting new people. So that would not be a lonely stage. And then there’s early dating where you are seeing if this person might truly be a 3H match for you and vice versa. Also not a lonely stage. So the only lonely stages on the bench. And I like doing on the bench as a group personally, because of the cross. Yeah.

Laurie Gerber [00:10:12]:

And the cross pollination. And also because sometimes the women go from two and three. They go from on the hunt or in an early relationship back to the bench. So everybody’s circulating around as we learn and grow. And we all know by the way you could find the love of your life. I’m sorry to say this, but then he dies, right? Like, so there. Nobody gets the ticket off of the ride around. Around these stages.

Laurie Gerber [00:10:36]:

For sure. Maybe you do hope you do hope you die first.

Dawn Wiggins [00:10:41]:

But I. I don’t know about you, Lori, but I actively manifest the way I’m going to die, and I’m definitely going to die first. Like, I’ve already decided that a long time ago. So there’s that.

Laurie Gerber [00:10:51]:

That’s so interesting. I’m dying second.

Dawn Wiggins [00:10:53]:

Oh.

Laurie Gerber [00:10:53]:

But I think that’s because I’m, like, okay with dating, but like, in my 90s, right.

Dawn Wiggins [00:10:58]:

No, I may even want to push late into. I might even cross into the hundreds.

Laurie Gerber [00:11:04]:

Right.

Dawn Wiggins [00:11:04]:

I don’t know. I got a lot of. I’ve got a lot to do, Lori.

Laurie Gerber [00:11:06]:

I don’t. My husband really only wants to live to, like, low 90s. I’ve convinced him to low 90s. Good job, you know, But I’m good. I’m good with 100. I’m good with 100. And my coach is trying to push me more than 100, but I’m just like, yeah, I’m not that into it, but we’ll see.

Dawn Wiggins [00:11:22]:

We’ll see.

Laurie Gerber [00:11:23]:

Anyway, but that. I’m sure this was not the point.

Dawn Wiggins [00:11:25]:

Well, I don’t know. Maybe. I think the point is we can manifest whatever the crap we want.

Laurie Gerber [00:11:30]:

Right.

Dawn Wiggins [00:11:30]:

So, but, you know, as you were talking about the three stages of dating and the way you conceptualize it, I was feeling fearful, physical, like somatic relief on behalf of our listeners. Like, wow, I didn’t even know I was carrying that much tension on their behalf about the dating process. All of a sudden there was this clarity and there was this structure and.

Laurie Gerber [00:11:49]:

There was this, wow, you always have your girlfriends. And I’m sorry, but again, since we generally live longer, you can’t be sacrificing that. You have your girlfriends, you have your relationship to yourself, you have your spirituality. You have all of these wonderful things in your life. You are not alone. And if you are bored and you need entertainment, you would want to fill that up with spirituality, learning, and whatever goals and mission and dream you have, because that’s a very attractive way to be. Whereas obviously, feeling needy slash lonely slash hopeless is not an attractive vibration to be in. So you do have to work on your own vibration.

Dawn Wiggins [00:12:31]:

That’s right. And becoming a vibrational match for the eight out of a ten in the three different zones.

Laurie Gerber [00:12:36]:

Correct. Preach.

Dawn Wiggins [00:12:37]:

Preach. Okay, let’s talk a little bit about dating with kids. Right? Like some of the boundaries around dating with kids. What would you say to our listeners?

Laurie Gerber [00:12:50]:

Okay, so there’s two camps when it comes to dating with kids. There’s people who are selfish and overdo it and forsake their kids, and they get punished by their kids for doing that. And then there’s the chickens that are scared to be vulnerable. Scared, period. And then they blame their kids for why they can’t date.

Dawn Wiggins [00:13:08]:

Aha. I see.

Laurie Gerber [00:13:09]:

Have you. Have you experienced this gamut?

Dawn Wiggins [00:13:11]:

Yes, I’m, like, sort of analyzing. Right. And I was gonna say. And there are shades in between there.

Laurie Gerber [00:13:16]:

Yeah, all the shades. I’m just. I’m just pointing. I’m just telling you there’s two. Two extremes. And you would find yourself somewhere in there, preferably. Or the other.

Dawn Wiggins [00:13:26]:

Yeah, perhaps.

Laurie Gerber [00:13:26]:

Or perhaps right in the middle. Which is great. Which is. And this is what I always try to impress upon my clients, the thing your child needs most. Actually, there’s three things I think a child needs most. Tell me if you agree. Number one, unconditional love. Number two, to be known.

Laurie Gerber [00:13:43]:

To be seen and known. I want to know who you specifically are. I’m curious about who you are. You do not have to grow up to be like who I want you to be. I want to know who you are. And then third is an example of a happy human and a role model, an aspiration, something to look at and go, I would be okay if that was my future. And that is in regard to health, in regard to love, and in regard to career or contribution or whatever you do with your time. I believe if a child has one human that supplies that mother, father, grandparent, guardian, pastor, whatever, they can grow up healthy and happy.

Dawn Wiggins [00:14:24]:

They have a good framework. That’s right. I think you said some really beautiful things there. I mean, unconditional love.</person >

Laurie Gerber [00:14:28]:

Right.

Dawn Wiggins [00:14:29]:

I think we lose track of what that is because we so many of us, our age, at least. Right. Grew up where we had parents who withdrew, like they removed. Right. Like love, affection as part of their own emotional regulation skills, you know, and so they didn’t abide in the hard times. And so I think that for many of us, we’ve had to learn and we’ve, you know, how to, how to unconditionally love through hard times. I also think so many people miss what you said about an example of a happy human. And that doesn’t just mean happily in a relationship, but it means, like, do you know how to find happiness outside of eating something, when watching something, consuming something, buying something? Like, do you know how to find joy outside of consuming something? And I don’t think we realize how how deeply important that is to be able to model for our children.

Dawn Wiggins [00:15:26]:

It’s a lost skill, I think, in a modern world.

Laurie Gerber [00:15:30]:

Yeah, it’s really, really. And just to tie it back. The point is that if you withhold from doing the work to love yourself and doing the work to find the next love of your life, I don’t think you do a service to your kids. Right. However, the child needs to feel that they are not in competition with that person. So the child needs to feel that they have the whole of what they need before there is now access for you to give to someone else where more love equals more love, not more love equals less love for them.

Dawn Wiggins [00:16:00]:

That is it right there.

Laurie Gerber [00:16:02]:

Yes.

Dawn Wiggins [00:16:04]:

Beautiful. So I want to go on this little tangent just to hear your thoughts, your. The wisdom of your experience. But so many women, you know, are really humming along on their healing journey. And I watch them doing just this beautiful work and then they get derailed when they watch their ex start dating and introduce someone to their kids. Do you have any observations there on how you’ve seen that impact children or just like, what are your thoughts there?

Laurie Gerber [00:16:33]:

Yeah, well, one of the obstacles, one of the list of 34 that you have, is that you have not thoroughly detoxed your divorce, your divorce, or your last relationship or a relationship. And so it’s still present in your field and disallowing, like the spot’s not open for the love of your life because it’s filled with memories and hauntings and, you know, preoccupation with what he occupation with that. Like you’re still in a relationship with the idea of that person or that person. So I take my clients through a detox, just like you detox from anything that’s hurting you or stopping you. It’s not that comfortable, but it takes time, but it’s good. And in the end, you feel much better. But there’s to get over. And it does have to do with two things.

Laurie Gerber [00:17:22]:

One is removing the triggers, obviously, to the greatest extent that you can. And the other is learning to tell the story of your divorce so that it adds up, which you’re also going to need in dating anyway.

Dawn Wiggins [00:17:36]:

Yes.

Laurie Gerber [00:17:37]:

So it needs to be what you’re responsible for, what you think they’re responsible for, what you’re sorry about, what you think they should be sorry about. It needs to have a balanced story, which is very healing for the children, too.

Dawn Wiggins [00:17:47]:

Can you give us an example of that? Right. Like maybe a client you’ve worked with or just something really that stands out to you about someone reaching for this balanced story. Right. And we talk so much about needing to own our part in our healing journey and really start connecting the dots. You know, what stands out to you there?

Laurie Gerber [00:18:08]:

Let me just say, you know, a couple of the most common causes of divorce. One person cheats and the other person can’t forgive it.

Dawn Wiggins [00:18:16]:

Mm.

Laurie Gerber [00:18:17]:

That’s a very common reason that people get divorced. And that’s a whole explanation. Right. This person, for whatever reasons in their upbringing and their personality type, didn’t honor a commitment they made. And I could. And I couldn’t forgive it. Or. Or.

Laurie Gerber [00:18:34]:

Or they couldn’t forgive it. And that’s what happened. So we were once aligned. Then a thing happened. We. And we couldn’t get over it. Or it could be we started out having some common values, but one of our values changed, and it became. It became irreconcilable.

Laurie Gerber [00:18:51]:

So, for example, maybe we were both sober. We went into the relationship really committed to our sobriety. And one partner decided they wanted to go back to using whatever the thing was. And so now kids or next lover or whatever that was no longer. That could no longer work for me, given my life goals or missions. Or it could be something like. We didn’t pay attention to our marriage for 10, 15 years. And bit by bit, slowly by slowly, all the love we had dissipated and disappeared.

Laurie Gerber [00:19:21]:

We didn’t. We stopped having sex. We didn’t put in the work. We didn’t grow closer together. We didn’t spend regular time together. We didn’t seek to understand each other. And by the time we realized it was too late and we were too far apart. We decided not to try to build that back up again.

Dawn Wiggins [00:19:39]:

Yeah, that was really.

Laurie Gerber [00:19:40]:

Move on and try again.

Dawn Wiggins [00:19:42]:

Really good. That’s seeking to understand. Right. It comes up over and over Again, with kids, with self, with partners, that’s seeking to understand, like, who are you? Who am I? It’s such a key to all relationships, and it’s shown up in every layer of our conversation so far today.

Laurie Gerber [00:20:00]:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you asked me also about how kids. You know, how it affects kids. And I think, you know, we all know the cliche that kids blame themselves for their parents divorce. I mean, it’s like the oldest one in the book. And I do believe it helps a kid if they actually know why their parents got divorced. So they don’t make that up.

Dawn Wiggins [00:20:23]:

Oh. And so I think that’s the thing that people really struggle with, is how to tell their why without. Without, like torching their ex. Right.

Laurie Gerber [00:20:33]:

Without really, like, it’s a fine art. I’m literally going back and forth with a woman right now who I finally got to divorce her partner. It was a long time coming, and I finally got her the courage to do it. And now she’s writing the letter to her two sons who are, you know, tween teenage. And we’re writing and rewriting and rewriting because in every rewrite, she’s less the victim and more the author. More balance. More balance, more balance. And I’m not letting her send it until I read it as the kid and go, it’s empowering.

Laurie Gerber [00:21:07]:

Yeah. I. I still have two parents. Do I want to align myself with this parent’s traits or that parents traits, but not. I’m gonna figure that out.

Dawn Wiggins [00:21:14]:

Family goes that smoothly. What about the ex who just blurts something out and is like, you know, just shares some crap and is like, I’m out like that. That’s so hard.

Laurie Gerber [00:21:26]:

You mean for the remaining partner? For the kids?

Dawn Wiggins [00:21:28]:

For the.

Laurie Gerber [00:21:28]:

Both. Both, yeah. So if you have. If you chose married and procreated with somebody who is capable of that level of dysfunction, dysfunction, chaos, surprise, inconsistency, whatever, you chose that. So there’s where you’re responsible and sorry to your child, and there’s where they are responsible and should be sorry. They may not be able to. Narcissists traditionally don’t apologize. And anywhere upon that spectrum but your.

Laurie Gerber [00:22:02]:

I believe the child picks the parents.

Dawn Wiggins [00:22:05]:

I believe I do too.

Laurie Gerber [00:22:07]:

That child has their own journey. And that child, even if they’re five years old, but certainly if they’re tweens or teens, has to figure out their relationship with each parent themselves as an individual to that parent. And so you do not do any service to your child by telling your child what that that relationship should be or Trying to control that relationship, but you do them a service if they have one stable parent who is grounded and not blaming and not chaotic and not a victim, but who can tell a balanced story.

Dawn Wiggins [00:22:42]:

That’s right. And is modeling how to be on that empowered spiritual journey. Right. Where I can take pain and I can turn it into purpose. And none of that is. None of this that we’re walking through is going to take me out. It may hurt.

Laurie Gerber [00:22:53]:

And it doesn’t. It doesn’t mean lie. Right. Like in this woman’s letter. It’s like, I wish dad and I had divided the labor more equally. I wish dad. I wish dad handled the to do to do list more like I do. I wish your grandma and grandpa and dad’s side were more involved.

Laurie Gerber [00:23:11]:

Right. Like you can wish something was different without maligning. Oh, that’s your kid’s father.

Dawn Wiggins [00:23:17]:

Yeah. Love that.

Laurie Gerber [00:23:18]:

It’s. They’re stuck with that guy. And so are you.

Dawn Wiggins [00:23:23]:

That’s right. That’s right. So how are we going to make the best of this?

Laurie Gerber [00:23:26]:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dawn Wiggins [00:23:28]:

Okay. Can we talk a little, like, tactical? What would you. What do you. Where do you start to see the tactical stuff get implemented in your three phases? Right. Is it in the middle phase or the third phase?

Laurie Gerber [00:23:41]:

I have. I have so many tactics, but most of my tactics are in that middle phase.

Dawn Wiggins [00:23:46]:

Okay.

Laurie Gerber [00:23:46]:

Where we do what’s called a 3H chart, so. Oh, it’s so nerdy. You’d Love it, Dawn. A3. It’s a spreadsheet. Yeah. It’s a spread. It’s a little.

Dawn Wiggins [00:23:55]:

Your charts give me peace. I didn’t even know I needed them.

Laurie Gerber [00:23:59]:

So many charts. I have so many charts. I get. I give you a spreadsheet with multiple tabs. I mean, it’s. It’s not for everyone.

Dawn Wiggins [00:24:05]:

Okay. I would need. But I will tell you, I would need to take your spreadsheet and I would need to. If you could see, like, the back of my. Behind my camera here, you would see, like, all these, like, colored, handwritten things. I would need to turn your spreadsheet into something I could hang on my refrigerator.

Laurie Gerber [00:24:20]:

Love it. Do you want me to share my screen and show you what it looks like?

Dawn Wiggins [00:24:23]:

Let’s. Let’s look at it.

Laurie Gerber [00:24:24]:

Okay. Give me permission.

Dawn Wiggins [00:24:26]:

Okay, I did. You got it.

Laurie Gerber [00:24:28]:

Okay. So this. Thank you. So this is. First of all, this is the. The sweep checklist of the 34 obstacles.

Dawn Wiggins [00:24:35]:

Okay.

Laurie Gerber [00:24:36]:

But I’m not gonna. I’m not gonna just.

Dawn Wiggins [00:24:37]:

Yep.

Laurie Gerber [00:24:38]:

You have to work for that. But. But this is a 3, 8. So this is a 3H chart. And you’d be like, okay, gee.

Dawn Wiggins [00:24:45]:

Oh, the head.

Laurie Gerber [00:24:46]:

Heart. Yeah. And then heart would be like. Makes me laugh. And then hoohah would be like, I like his face. You know, like this. And you. You literally fill that out.

Dawn Wiggins [00:24:57]:

Okay.

Laurie Gerber [00:24:58]:

And you put.

Dawn Wiggins [00:25:00]:

Where do we put. I like his shoes. Does that go in head or heart or hoo. Ha. I like his shoes.

Laurie Gerber [00:25:04]:

Well, what do you think? Is it about how it makes you feel or is it turn on?

Dawn Wiggins [00:25:08]:

It’s both. It’s more than one.

Laurie Gerber [00:25:10]:

Then you can pick.

Dawn Wiggins [00:25:11]:

I could put it in more than.

Laurie Gerber [00:25:12]:

One or just pick the one you want to put it in. Right. It’s not. It doesn’t matter so long as you’re managing all three. And then you’re turning bold. You make the deal breakers bold. Okay. And then, so then when you’re shopping, when you’re online or someone’s introducing you to somebody, or you’re out at a bar or you’re at a restaurant, you’re always scanning for your 3H criteria with the understanding, of course, that sometimes there’s a wild card.

Laurie Gerber [00:25:41]:

Sometimes you didn’t think you could like a short guy, but lo and behold, the swagger makes up for the height.

Dawn Wiggins [00:25:46]:

Okay.

Laurie Gerber [00:25:47]:

For example. Right. Or you didn’t think you could like someone of a different political party or a different hair color than you thought you liked. And lo and behold, they surprise you. So there’s a little bit of wiggle, wiggle room buffer. But I really try to get people to define their 3H chart with as little bias as possible. So instead of saying tall and muscular, it would be, I feel safe in his arms, or I’m. Or I’m attracted, or there’s great chemistry.

Dawn Wiggins [00:26:11]:

Because that when you describe it that way, it leaves space for it to be not exactly like, exactly the thing. And I think that’s so powerful. If I could get in the weeds for a moment right here.

Laurie Gerber [00:26:21]:

Right?

Dawn Wiggins [00:26:22]:

Because when we’re talking about manifesting and believing an 8 out of a 10 exists in all three H’s, I think it depends on whether in human design, you’re a specific or nonspecific manifester too. So there’s that. Right. But I feel safe in his arms. Like, do you believe that there is somebody out there, whether or not he’s exactly this height and exactly this build where you can feel safe in his arms? I think that makes it easier. Say, yes, I believe that is possible. And so I think it’s amazing the way you help women define it, because Then it becomes more tangible from a manifestation, from a visualization perspective, or from a belief perspective.

Laurie Gerber [00:26:59]:

That’s the whole point, right? The whole point is believing in love. Back to my original case, right? And if you think love means six foot tall, six figures, six abs, unfortunately, you are shooting yourself in the foot, if that’s what you believe in love to mean. So just the activity, the tactic of creating that chart forces your brain. And so not only do you figure out that you actually that the things that you want are more universal and more havable, but sometimes you even figure out that you don’t even want that. Like sometimes I can’t tell you how many times I read a 3hr and I say to the woman, are you looking for a best friend or are you looking for the next love of your life? That’s a man, right?

Dawn Wiggins [00:27:43]:

That’s a man. That’s right.

Laurie Gerber [00:27:45]:

Because you don’t need him to like art museums. You don’t need him to love long walks on the beach. You really don’t. That’s for your girlfriends. And that’s such a relief because. And all I have to do, even just when it comes down to money, because so many women are hung up on how much money they have, I have to ask why? Why, why, why, why, right? Until I get to the heart of it. And no two women are the same as to the why, right? And everyone thinks what they’re saying is so obvious and universal, like, well, because, you know, because what? Because I want to feel met. Because I want, I don’t want to pay for vacation.

Laurie Gerber [00:28:19]:

Like, why? So when you get to the real why, it’s way easier to believe in love. And then it’s way easier to manifest the person. But as for tactics, I could do a whole hour on it. There are specific questions to ask on each of the first three dates. You only get three dates to get the person to 8 or above in all three H’s or else. Wow, they’re out. So it’s. It’s very.

Laurie Gerber [00:28:42]:

It’s very rigorous. It’s very rigorous, my nerdy. And it’s very rigorous.

Dawn Wiggins [00:28:47]:

This is magical. I’m not saying I want to get divorced and remarried again just so I can go through your process, but it’s very cool. I would have hired you in an instant.

Laurie Gerber [00:28:59]:

Well, if you ever want to use it to move or change careers or buy an outfit, it works. It works.

Dawn Wiggins [00:29:08]:

I’m gonna have to do that, right? Okay. So you said there’s a handful of questions in the first three dates. You got to get Them to eight out of a ten in the first three dates. Okay. And then it’s like cut it. If it’s not an eight out of ten and three dates, that’s it. Moving on.

Laurie Gerber [00:29:22]:

Right.

Dawn Wiggins [00:29:23]:

Right now.

Laurie Gerber [00:29:24]:

Don’t you? Yeah.

Dawn Wiggins [00:29:26]:

Most women will have had to do so much love to fall in love, so much work to fall in love with themselves before they can tolerate that.

Laurie Gerber [00:29:33]:

Right.

Dawn Wiggins [00:29:34]:

Three dates and cut it. Because we’re so used to negotiating like.

Laurie Gerber [00:29:37]:

When it is so hard. I swear having this group of women do it together makes it way easier because we peer pressure each other not. Not to sell out instead of peer pressure each other to sell out. So it’s very helpful to have a team on board behind you and be talking to your community. You know, if you’re not in group coaching or you don’t have an accountability thing with a coach or a therapist or a friend, you need, you need to be chatting with someone. Yeah.

Dawn Wiggins [00:30:08]:

Where does, where does sex fall in that? Like you must like. Do you have a recommendation, a recommended policy on sex? Yeah, I do.

Laurie Gerber [00:30:19]:

It’s. And it’s complicated. Let me see if I can get chart this chart. Okay. If you’re looking for the love of your life, serious long term partner, I do not recommend having sex unless you are committed to one another monogamously. That does not mean you’re on track to be married. It just means you’re not currently dating with, on dating sites or have sex with somebody else. Yeah, that’s.

Laurie Gerber [00:30:43]:

And the reason is it’s chemical. Right. We just, we get attached when we have sex. It’s hormones. It’s. It’s a thing.

Dawn Wiggins [00:30:49]:

That’s right.

Laurie Gerber [00:30:49]:

Men don’t have the same thing. So it just is more set up for women disadvantageous for us to do that.

Dawn Wiggins [00:30:56]:

That’s right.

Laurie Gerber [00:30:57]:

So it’s a way to protect your heart and to protect you also from over investing in something that isn’t headed.

Dawn Wiggins [00:31:02]:

Towards 8 or abortion.

Laurie Gerber [00:31:02]:

That’s the thing. Right.

Dawn Wiggins [00:31:03]:

Because it starts to get muddy for us as women once we’ve had sex. We’re no longer discerning as effectively. It’s just not available to us chemically.

Laurie Gerber [00:31:11]:

Right. And speaking of discernment, I don’t recommend you drink in the first three dates either. Anything that hampers your presence and your judgment.

Dawn Wiggins [00:31:20]:

So no cbd Gummy? No drink? No.

Laurie Gerber [00:31:26]:

I recommend you have as absolute full presence as you can muster.

Dawn Wiggins [00:31:31]:

Yeah.

Laurie Gerber [00:31:32]:

Because you need to be so intentional to date in this way. And, and the alternative is you date unintentionally and you end up Wasting time and getting exhausted and getting more cynical, which then can kill the whole thing or make you lose years. So, you know, I always tell people, like, you don’t have to do it this way. I’m just trying to save you time, money and mascara, heartache and fatigue and all of that. So this is not a. This is a nice to have. Not a need to have. Yeah, but it’s a really nice to have if you’re getting tired or hopeless and you really want that last love of your life.

Dawn Wiggins [00:32:05]:

So.

Laurie Gerber [00:32:06]:

So anyway, all three H’s, 8 or above first, before you even think about monogamy, number one. Number two, you both want the same thing. In other words, you’re both headed towards long term, committed, or purposely being casual and having fun and learning. Cool. As long as you’re both in the same place. Three, you can talk about sexual health. If you’re not comfortable talking about sexual health, so important.

Dawn Wiggins [00:32:33]:

Do you find that people talk enough about that. Like, if we can’t have a conversation, right?

Laurie Gerber [00:32:39]:

About people, get drunk and hook up.

Dawn Wiggins [00:32:42]:

That’s it. Right. And it’s like, if we can’t talk about sexual health history, like, man, how could we be compatible or know if we’re compatible or work through hard things together, Be vulnerable or intimate? Like, how do we equate sexual intimacy more than we equate this conversational intimacy about hard things? It’s.

Laurie Gerber [00:33:01]:

Yeah. Well, it’s a shortcut, you know? Yep, it’s a shortcut. And. Sorry. Let’s see.

Dawn Wiggins [00:33:08]:

Steep cliff.

Laurie Gerber [00:33:10]:

Right? It’s. It’s a. It’s a. It’s a not. It’s a not very brilliant shortcut.

Dawn Wiggins [00:33:16]:

Yeah, yeah.

Laurie Gerber [00:33:17]:

It’s not very brilliant shortcut.

Dawn Wiggins [00:33:19]:

I have a sexy space. Oh, go ahead.

Laurie Gerber [00:33:20]:

Go, go. Wait, let me just. Because there’s five things. There’s all three H’s that I did or above. You both want the same thing. You could talk about sexual health. You can talk about sex.

Dawn Wiggins [00:33:31]:

Yeah, I want this. I don’t want this. I like this. I don’t like that.

Laurie Gerber [00:33:34]:

Whatever. Yes. And you’re comfortable enough so that comfortable. It’s good. You want it to be good.

Dawn Wiggins [00:33:38]:

If you’re gonna. And comfortable doesn’t have to mean you don’t feel any discomfort having a conversation, but comfortable enough to have it and not completely dissociate.

Laurie Gerber [00:33:46]:

Yeah. Right. Which just also means that if it’s not good, for whatever reason, it doesn’t pull you apart, it. You. You have the tools. You’ve proven you have the communication tools to make it through and Then. Then you go, listen, I’m the kind of girl who really needs a commitment to feel like I can open up sexually and in that. On that level of intimacy.

Laurie Gerber [00:34:06]:

So I’m not comfortable having sex until we’re exclusive. Where are you on that? Right. And he goes, oh, I’m not ready to be exclusive. Or he goes, oh, let’s be exclusive. And then she goes, well, and then I have four steps for establishing monogamy. It’s a different ebook, you know. Great. So we’ll.

Laurie Gerber [00:34:23]:

You know, we’ll. We’ll come off the sites. We’ll.

Dawn Wiggins [00:34:26]:

Yeah.

Laurie Gerber [00:34:26]:

You know, we’ll just focus on each other for now, and then we’ll reassess in a little bit. And then the next day you follow up and you go, oh, it’s so exciting that we’re practicing exclusivity and taking ourselves off the sites. Like, this is making me horny. Just to get it in writing with a timestamp that we’ve now agreed to be exclusive.

Dawn Wiggins [00:34:44]:

Wow. Brings receipts. Yes, that’s right. Okay.

Laurie Gerber [00:34:49]:

Sometimes people need to be reminded what they committed to. Fair. Fair. Accountability. Accountability. Yeah. It goes a long way.

Dawn Wiggins [00:34:58]:

I do think accountability is so much of what’s missing for us with ourselves, for us with any. Any goal that we have in life.

Laurie Gerber [00:35:04]:

Right. We.

Dawn Wiggins [00:35:05]:

We love the idea of manifesting, but very rarely do we understand that true manifestational processes require commitment, consistency, and accountability because we all get tired or sidetracked or shiny object syndrome or whatever the F it is.

Laurie Gerber [00:35:20]:

Right?

Dawn Wiggins [00:35:20]:

Right. And, yeah, accountability is so just.

Laurie Gerber [00:35:23]:

Yeah. We don’t believe. We don’t believe if we don’t do the right thing. Right. That’s the problem. Doing the right thing is the placebo. But placebos work.

Dawn Wiggins [00:35:31]:

That’s right. That’s right. Okay. I have this sexy, spicy question that’s gonna piss all the people off.

Laurie Gerber [00:35:43]:

I like you.

Dawn Wiggins [00:35:44]:

What’s the one thing or the things? The things. Right. You see women doing. To quote, unquote, air quotes. Air quotes for anyone who can’t see us, prove they’re healed in order to, like, convince themselves they can start dating. But it backfire. It backfires when they’re dating.

Laurie Gerber [00:36:01]:

Such an obnoxious answer. Ayahuasca. Sorry.

Dawn Wiggins [00:36:11]:

Microdosing count.

Laurie Gerber [00:36:12]:

Do we take iOS? Let me, let me. I’m joking. But what I mean is pretending you’ve done the work when you haven’t, or spiritual bypassing or just. Just wishing you did, right? Because you want the quick fix to fix the loneliness, but you haven’t really gone back and. And done Your history, done your inventory. What. What mistakes have I been making in relationships? What have I been accepting that I don’t really accept? What is. What is the learning? What is the truth and how I hold myself to account not to repeat that pattern, because otherwise there’s no way your subconscious is on board with a new program.

Dawn Wiggins [00:36:52]:

That’s it.

Laurie Gerber [00:36:53]:

So if you don’t do the work to un. To illuminate what is in your subconscious, then flip it around and prove a new thing true. It does not matter how many good actions you take.

Dawn Wiggins [00:37:03]:

Nope. Because.

Laurie Gerber [00:37:06]:

Right.

Dawn Wiggins [00:37:06]:

Because the mind is so tricky and we believe it’s garbage. And, you know.

Laurie Gerber [00:37:11]:

Yeah, yeah.

Dawn Wiggins [00:37:12]:

So how do you see that show up? Like, then people are. They’re, you know, accepting things that are less than an 8 out of 10. Like they’re getting ghosted. Their quality of the people they’re choosing isn’t there. They’re getting dating fatigue. Like, they’re back to, yeah, there’s no good men out there.

Laurie Gerber [00:37:30]:

Right.

Dawn Wiggins [00:37:30]:

All the negative beliefs are popped back to the top, like, all that kind of stuff.

Laurie Gerber [00:37:34]:

I think the most prevalent thing I see is just making the same mistakes over and over again in different versions and not. And being surprised. Right. And just being surprised. Right. So you could think a haircut changed everything. You could think a diet changed everything. You could think a therapy session changed everything.

Laurie Gerber [00:37:53]:

You could. You could think, things are different now, or, I’m divorced, it should all be different now. My kids are out of the house. It should all be different now. But again, it’s 34 things, right? It’s. It’s not infinite. I don’t, I don’t actually think it’s infinite. Right.

Laurie Gerber [00:38:06]:

I think once you handle the 34 things now, it’s a numbers game and it’s fun, but it’s 34 things. So if you’re just like sweeping 17 of them under the rug, they’re going to bite you in the ass. And if you don’t know what they are, then you’re going to be. You’re going to be like, what?

Dawn Wiggins [00:38:23]:

You know, I want to be a good steward over time, but now I’ve got this other burning desire to ask you about, so STDs, right. It’s a very real thing in a modern world. And I’ve heard you talk about before or that there are some niche sites and that kind of thing. Right. Now I have found, homeopathically, that even for the ones that are allegedly incurable, homeopathy can spin out that viral load so that you can end up With a negative test.

Laurie Gerber [00:38:51]:

Oh, I have a referral for you. Okay. Okay.

Dawn Wiggins [00:38:55]:

But do you have a spreadsheet to help women manage that part when there’s an std? And all the shame in the conversations and the things.

Laurie Gerber [00:39:02]:

That does not require a spreadsheet, but that does require practice, and it does require what I would call. I call. Well, the Handel method calls it unraveling your personal history. So most people, there’s a spiritual story in the story where they contracted the thing that needs to get sorted through and unraveled, and then there needs to be a thorough expose of the subconscious beliefs in regards to it, and then what I would call a talk back. And for most of my women, there’s a lot of disclosing to demystify and move it through, but it is one of the Men are not as hung up. But I have met many women who take themselves off the market because of it. They do.

Dawn Wiggins [00:39:48]:

They just can’t tolerate my heart. That’s right. They just can’t tolerate the level of It’s.

Laurie Gerber [00:39:53]:

And it’s such a shame. The shame is such a shame, because. Shame.

Dawn Wiggins [00:39:57]:

That’s it.

Laurie Gerber [00:39:58]:

Yes. So common.

Dawn Wiggins [00:40:00]:

Yes.

Laurie Gerber [00:40:01]:

So common. And for everybody who knows they have it, there’s two more that don’t know they have it. And it’s like, I’m just like, when will be the day when nobody knows what race you are or what? Like, I know when every. When everyone has a little of everything so we can stop stigmatizing each other.

Dawn Wiggins [00:40:16]:

I know, but the shame is so debilitating for women. It’s true.

Laurie Gerber [00:40:19]:

It is. Yeah, it is. But I mean, that is. That is a PR number and a half. Like, wow. Anyway, again, I could do a whole hour on herpes.

Dawn Wiggins [00:40:28]:

There is a solution, though. There’s a. I have the solution. I’m not the only one. I love that it exists.

Laurie Gerber [00:40:33]:

I love that. Yeah. So much.

Dawn Wiggins [00:40:35]:

Yeah.

Laurie Gerber [00:40:35]:

Okay.

Dawn Wiggins [00:40:36]:

Okay. You are known for honesty and boldness. And it. This conversation has been so refreshing because, like, can we seriously be professionally hitched? You know, like, we think so. Similarly, I’m less spreadsheets, but you’re. You’re the balance. You’re the yin to my yang or the yang to my whatever. Anyways, carry on.

Dawn Wiggins [00:40:54]:

Dawn, what is one unpopular opinion you have about modern dating that people don’t like to hear, but they need to hear it, and it can’t be the one. We’ve already talked about that they don’t believe in love. Right. Different one.

Laurie Gerber [00:41:06]:

People really think they can not do their trauma healing and still find Healthy love. Yeah. And I have not found that to be true. No, I’ve not found that to be true. I have found it to be true that one is being held for ransom by the other.

Dawn Wiggins [00:41:21]:

Yeah. And that’s a whole episode in and of itself. We should make a note of that. Right. Because I think in a world of, like, Instagram influencing, sometimes we look at the way something looks and we think like, oh, they didn’t. They. They did it.

Laurie Gerber [00:41:37]:

They did it.

Dawn Wiggins [00:41:38]:

And even my lead coach, coach Tiffany, bless her, she. She talks openly that, okay, she found her partner and they had a great potential, but then she had to go back and clean a lot of crap up, otherwise she would have been like, him. Hostage, Right? Like.

Laurie Gerber [00:41:54]:

Yeah.

Dawn Wiggins [00:41:54]:

Yes.

Laurie Gerber [00:41:56]:

Yeah. So I do think it’s rigged that you’re supposed to do your trauma healing, especially if you’re alive in this era.

Dawn Wiggins [00:42:04]:

Yes.

Laurie Gerber [00:42:04]:

As a woman, you know the design of the system.

Dawn Wiggins [00:42:07]:

I think that the system was supposed to be that men and women come together and, you know, subconsciously provoke the wound so that we can heal it together and. Yes.

Laurie Gerber [00:42:17]:

Yes, agreed. Okay. The funny answer to your question about unpopular opinions is it’s just because it doesn’t sound feminist of me, but your pictures really freaking matter. Your pictures, you just. You have to get over it. You have to get over whatever you think about vanity or.

Dawn Wiggins [00:42:36]:

Yeah. Like that shit pounds you want to lose before you take the picture or whatever. Like, you just. Just have to get a good picture.

Laurie Gerber [00:42:42]:

And you just have to get over that. It needs to be good, and you have to get over that. That is why people are going to click or not click, and they have to be honest pictures, too. And if you show cleavage, you’re suggesting sex. And I’m sorry, I know it’s. You don’t blame the woman for how she dresses, but that is your ad. And if your ad has cleavage, what have we learned from the advertising industry that sells beer?

Dawn Wiggins [00:43:02]:

That’s what you’re selling. Yeah.

Laurie Gerber [00:43:03]:

You want to. If you. If you want to sell sex, that. If that’s what you’re looking for, do it. If it is not what you’re looking for. Just. This is as much chest as you can show in a profile picture.

Dawn Wiggins [00:43:14]:

You’re not showing any chest, friend. So you. That must be part chest. Yes. Oh, chest fair. You’re not showing any.

Laurie Gerber [00:43:20]:

You don’t have to. You don’t have to be Victorian, but no cleavage. No cleavage.

Dawn Wiggins [00:43:26]:

You must help women with their dating profiles. That must be part of your process.

Laurie Gerber [00:43:30]:

I do indeed.

Dawn Wiggins [00:43:31]:

Yeah.

Laurie Gerber [00:43:32]:

It’s Important. I mean, it’s important and I can’t. And nobody gets it. Right. It’s remarkable to me that people want to lie in their dating profile.

Dawn Wiggins [00:43:40]:

I know. Right?

Laurie Gerber [00:43:41]:

I’m. I’m okay with withholding information in a profile. Right. I’m okay with not saying certain things. I don’t think they’re for your full expose on everything. But to misrepresent what you look like, where you live, what you’re into, that’s just going to exhaust you. Right. It just leads to no good in the long run.

Dawn Wiggins [00:44:01]:

Okay. Anything else that you just know that our listeners need to hear today that we haven’t already covered other than their pure magic and they love is waiting for them. If they can just.

Laurie Gerber [00:44:15]:

Yes. Okay. That’s a great segue. I mostly work with women. 50, 60, 70, 80.

Dawn Wiggins [00:44:21]:

So I am not interesting.

Laurie Gerber [00:44:23]:

Yeah. So if you’re listening in your 20, 30, 40. I’m sorry, but it is never too late. Like really never too late. Like really never too late. And what else are we doing on planet Earth besides figuring out love?

Dawn Wiggins [00:44:36]:

Yes.

Laurie Gerber [00:44:37]:

And if you exist, your partner exists. There’s no. There’s no. You exist. But then nobody who could be your partner. That makes no sense. That’s not at all how it works. No, it’s just not.

Laurie Gerber [00:44:49]:

So try to believe. And if you don’t believe, figure out what of your. The 34 obstacles are yours. And do your work.

Dawn Wiggins [00:44:57]:

That’s right.

<p”>Laurie Gerber [00:44:57]:

Do your work for the results.

Dawn Wiggins [00:45:00]:

Yes.

Laurie Gerber [00:45:00]:

Yeah, do it. But also do it because it’s just what’s next to do. And it’ll feel good.

Dawn Wiggins [00:45:08]:

It also doesn’t feel good while you’re doing it.

Laurie Gerber [00:45:10]:

It’s both.

Dawn Wiggins [00:45:10]:

It feels good and it doesn’t feel good.

Laurie Gerber [00:45:13]:

Like acupuncture.

Dawn Wiggins [00:45:14]:

I was gonna say like that pranamatically on sometimes.

Laurie Gerber [00:45:18]:

Yeah, it’s all right. It’s all right. It’s worth it. Worth it. Worth.

Dawn Wiggins [00:45:23]:

I would love to have you back. There are a handful of things we definitely tapped into today that I think. Yeah, would be really juicy follow up episodes. So in the show notes we are going to put a link to your quiz. Am I ready to date? We’re going to put your Instagram handle, maybe a link to an ebook.

Laurie Gerber [00:45:40]:

I would love for you to give people my webinar. It is an hour that they can go through and make their 3H chart and learn how to use it.

Dawn Wiggins [00:45:48]:

That’s amazing.

Laurie Gerber [00:45:49]:

So I. We teased it, we talked about it. This will literally walk you through with pictures. Pictures. It’ll teach you the color coding, the whole nerdy thing, how to do the three dates. Like, everything in that second phase of tactics.

Dawn Wiggins [00:46:00]:

Yeah.

Laurie Gerber [00:46:00]:

Is in. Is in that webinar. So that’s really what I want people to check out.

Dawn Wiggins [00:46:04]:

Awesome. Thank you for your time, your wisdom, your wit. We cannot wait to have you back in the future.

Laurie Gerber [00:46:12]:

I’ll be here.