Break Free: How the Wellness Industry Exploits Your Feeling of Insecurity and Codependency After Divorce

I want to start today’s article by acknowledging that it’s based on the goals I have for you.

My goal is that you don’t have to live with chronic anxiety, chronic depression, and a chronic sense of insecurity.

I want you to spend the majority of your life (not the entirety of your life because humans will experience painful emotions and distress) living with a sense of connectedness to yourself, to others, and to your higher power. I want you to have peace and well-being and a sense of security in yourself, the world around you, and your loved ones.

Are You Healing or Hurting?

Today, we are unpacking why the wellness industry doesn’t want you recovering from this divorce, how it can help you, how it can hurt you, and how the wellness industry specifically affects you.

You Are What You Consume

I’ve recently heard that the wellness industry is becoming more profitable in today’s culture than mainstream media. Historically, a lot of private equity holdings were primarily in mainstream media and media outlets, and now they are shifting to holdings that are wellness-related. This means it is one of the most profitable industries on the planet today.

In America, we are awakening to the fact that we are toxic. Our food is toxic. Our water is toxic. The air is toxic. Our kids are sicker than we’ve ever been. Our relationships are breaking down. In general, we’re exhausted and we are unwell.

So how did that happen? What you put in your body is going to dictate your life. Whether it’s what you’re thinking, watching, scrolling, or eating …

What you consume will have a direct impact on how you live.

Take Ownership of Your Health and Wellness

The wellness industry has joined forces with big tech to leverage our data to develop products to sell back to us, which are meant to solve our pain. Then, they make a profit. Now, let me be very clear.

Anyone who’s selling you something, myself included, seeks to profit from your pain. That is an undeniable fact. I can’t separate myself from other people because I sell products, and they have to do with solving your pain.

So let me be very clear that I’m not holding myself separate. The standards by which I am talking to you today, I hold myself to.

So marketers, big tech, and the wellness industry all work together to understand (using our data) what our pain points are, the language we women use to describe our pain, and then craft products to help us solve our pain.

Where am I different? I want you to become independent. I want you to take ownership of your health and wellness. I don’t want you to be a forever customer of mine. I want you to become my best friend in the very near future. I want you to be in my community.

Prioritizing Profits Over People

There are plenty of people in the world to whom I can teach how to heal their traumas. I teach you that for free in the Loneliness Roadmap. I say, “Please use this bilateral simulation” so you can learn how to help work through your own traumas.

I want you to become empowered to own your own health and well-being.

I don’t want to keep you in a forever sales funnel where you’re comfortably numb and just purchasing the next thing from me.

These companies use your data. Anywhere you’re commenting on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or anytime you enter a search term into Google.

Every time you are logging your pain on the Internet, someone somewhere is making a plan about how they can profit from that pain.

We have to ask ourselves, “Is the person profiting off the pain? Is their ultimate goal my wellness or their profit?”

This is how narcissistic abuse became distorted in our modern culture. Narcissism and narcissistic abuse is one of the top searched Google terms in our culture.

There are a lot of women out there who have experienced very severe abuse from a narcissistic abuser. Then there are the people who are using that as an excuse not to take a good hard look in the mirror at themselves, and they’re just blaming their lived experience on the fact that they were married to a narcissist.

Let me tell you, that’s very rarely the case.

How the Wellness Industry Monetizes Our Interest in Health and Wellness

I currently use a skincare line called Bamboo Earth, and I’m very satisfied. I love them. I swear by them. But recently, I was on the website for Olavita, a skincare company from Europe. In the US, we love anything that comes from Europe.

So why was I on this Olavita website trying to decide whether or not I needed products? I’m scrolling, and I’m reading about these face serums, and I’m feeling like I’m not as pretty as the influencer, or maybe I’m aging faster, and I don’t feel as good about myself as I would like to.

All those feelings get kicked up when I’m considering purchasing a product, even though I’m perfectly satisfied with the product I have.

Marketers have figured out how to monetize our interest in health and wellness. We want healthy, nontoxic skin care products.

And so I’m asking myself, “Wow, what if I don’t buy this serum? What’s gonna happen next?” But, guess what’s gonna happen next? Nothing! Olive oil won’t transform my skin or my wellness.

So, long story short, I didn’t buy any of it, but I can certainly recognize when those feelings get kicked up inside of me – “This perfect romper is going to solve my body image issues” or “This skin care product will make me feel better about myself.”

You Cannot Purchase Wellness

The truth is that you can’t purchase wellness. It can’t be purchased. You have to become well. It’s not that I don’t use products, but I want to be very discerning about asking myself, “Do I really need it, or am I falling into a fad?” Is this going to move the needle in my journey? Or am I buying into the illusion that I can purchase wellness? Because you can’t.

So what’s the alternative to the wellness industry? What is true wellness? True wellness comes as a result of slowing down and tuning in.

That’s where it all starts to break down. We women can start with slowing down, but when we slow down, what do we do? We pick up our phones and we scroll. And when we’re scrolling, we’re not tuning in.

Tuning in means really listening to my body and what it is telling me. Tuning in means tuning into my higher power – the divine creator who created all of this.

You know I study the Law of Attraction, and I often listen to Abraham Hicks.

She says that if you’re moving through life and you’re not meditating or tuning in to your higher power, it’s like vacuuming your house without plugging the vacuum in.

You’ll look busy, but you’re not actually going to clean the floor. And so if your wellness goal or strategy doesn’t involve you slowing down and tapping in, listening to your body, listening to your higher power, it’s more like an industry approach than the true wellness approach.

Listen to Your Body

If you’re eating but you’re not nourishing, if you’re not in tune with which foods your body can receive and work with, which choices you’re making about how you spend your time if you’re not really listening to which activities your body is really benefiting from right now.

If you’re not challenging your most common thoughts and feelings and asking yourself, “Does this square with the capital T truth?”

Capital T truth, meaning the laws of the universe, spiritual laws and truths, and energy that cannot be created nor destroyed.

If you’re not actively transmuting your pain into power, your strategy is not in line with the laws of the universe, spiritual laws, and principles.

Love heals pain. Anger will never heal the pain. Resentment will never heal the pain. Obsessively thinking about what your ex is doing or not doing will never heal your pain.

Turn Your Pain in Your Power

I had a session with a client recently, and she was describing to me how she has all these toxic thoughts and feelings. She compartmentalizes those, and then she presents with Godly words and Godly actions.

And I said, “That’s great, but that sounds a lot like what we would read about in the Bible around Pharisees and Sadducees.” And that kind of pissed her off. But if you have to bypass toxic thoughts and emotions and consciously choose Godly, principled words, you are not dealing with transmuting the toxic thoughts and feelings and transforming your pain into power. That’s compartmentalization, and it’s faking it.

Now, is there a certain value to faking it until you make it? Yes, there is a place for that. So, I’m not all or nothing. Sometimes, women have to fake it until we make it, but the ultimate strategy has to be turning our pain into power.

Only a small percentage of healers are doing the deepest levels of healing work. Now, is that a convenient thing for me to say here? Calling myself one of the few? Yes, but it’s true.

We are coming out of a time when we put all of our stock into Western medicine. Where we took a prescription to suppress a symptom. And the symptom is how our body talks to healers.

The Sacred Relationship Between Healer and Patient

There is meant to be a sacred relationship between healer and patient. In my generation and the one before us, I don’t think we have a frame of reference for that. We’ve been in the Western medicine sales funnel for generations.

We lost the experience of the doctor who knew us and treated us from birth to death. Who knew our families, who knew our case histories, who really understood medicine inside and out.

We have been in this shuffle where the heart doctor is separate from the hormone doctor, and the hormone doctor is separate from the joint doctor. It’s completely disintegrated healthcare.

If wholeness and healing are about the integration of self, why would we be so invested in a healthcare system that is so disintegrated in nature?

It’s because it ultimately landed at profits before people, and so we don’t know the sacred relationship that is meant to be between healer and patient.

The Spiritual Roots of Disease

We women have to really take a look at the depth of action of the tools.

Look at anybody who is talking about the spiritual roots of disease, like Louise Hay. She was so ahead of her time. She was talking about the spiritual roots of disease decades ago. Anyone who’s talking about EFT, tapping, reprogramming the subject, subconscious mind, and somatic processing.

We’ve learned more and more about somatic processing, but at the end of the day, I cannot unsee what I have seen with homeopathy and its depth of action. Certain modalities have a depth of action that other modalities cannot reach.

Only Healers Create Depth of Action

This popular culture version of healing can get ridiculous, to the point where it’s denying the spiritual principle that energy cannot be created nor destroyed – it can only be transmuted.

If there are the folks who are advocating for plant medicine, but they are just really getting high all the time, versus using these pieces to heal very specific aspects of mental, emotional, and physical illness, we have to be careful.

Healing can get distorted. It can not be grounded in capital T truth.

We’re seeing that play out on a lot of levels – and marketers can have a predatory nature. Right now, when you are suffering, and life after divorce feels particularly heavy, it is very easy to be preyed upon by marketers who are going to use those pain points against you.

A Healer Can Only Take You As Far As They’ve Gone

I want you to really check in with yourself. Are the healers that you’re working with seeing resolutions from chronic anxiety or chronic depression?

I will tell you, I’ve been on a lot of podcasts lately, and I’ve had guests on my podcast, almost every single one of them has asked me for a homeopathic recommendation. That is to say to you, even top professionals are still acknowledging to me that there is still room for improvement in their own healing.

We women have to be honest about that. A healer can only take you as far as they’ve gone. Let me say that again.
A healer can only take you as far as they’ve gone.

There are a lot of marketers who specifically teach coaches, therapists, and healers how to market their businesses and would say something like: “You only have to be one step ahead of your clients.”

I don’t know about you, but I want my healers to be a lot of steps ahead of me. I want to hire people, I want to work with people, and I want to have mentors who are wiser beyond me.

Calibrate to Higher Power

I want you to check in with yourself about your life after divorce.

• Are you slowing down?
• Are you tuning in?
• Who are you calibrating to?
  • Are you calibrating to your higher power?
  • Are you calibrating to a skincare company?
  • Are you calibrating to that guy you have a crush on?
  • Are you calibrating to your ex?
  • Are you calibrating to your children?
• Where are you seeking the depth of your wellness from?
• Is it from places that are going to ultimately liberate you from chronic anxiety, depression, and insecurity?
• Are you calibrating to places that are going to help deliver to you connectedness, peace, and security?
• Are you in a forever funnel of the wellness industry where you’re expecting the next product to solve everything?
• Are you really trying to nourish yourself?
• Are you challenging your thoughts and your feelings?

It’s confusing as a consumer to know which products or processes will truly deliver wellness. There’s always going to be the next trend or the next fad.

Let God In

With people, I see that when God speaks to them and delivers them their life’s promises, they struggle to let it in. Abraham Hicks talks about this a lot.

There’s a joke about a guy on the roof in the flood, and he prays for God. And God sends somebody in a raft, then sends somebody in a helicopter, and the person says, “No, I’m waiting for God to deliver me.”

How often is God actually working in your life, and you just miss the cue?

And so I see this happen quite a bit when I say to someone, “Hey, I have a remedy suggestion for you” or “I have a process suggestion for you.”

People are afraid. We often want to be in control. Brene Brown has talked about this beautifully, and her research on shame and vulnerability has taught us so much.

She says, “We are in an age where we want to control and predict everything. Cell phones have allowed us to do that, and this means we are not able to tolerate uncertainty.”

Create Magic By Choosing Uncertainty and Vulnerability

Uncertainty and vulnerability are the pathways to everything magical.

There are a lot of people I encounter who have an incapacity for tolerating vulnerability or not being in control of something, and it has blocked them from the goodness of God’s gifts and promises.

I want you to ask yourself, “Are there places where you are denying God’s gifts in your life because you want to remain so heavily in control and predict phase that you cannot let it in?”

You can create magic in your life after divorce.

Slow down, tap in, listen to your body, listen to your higher power. Find a healer to guide you.

Peace and well-being are available to you – and it doesn’t come from a product or something you can buy.

I love you. You’ve got this.