What If This Is My Life Now? Understanding Divorce Anxiety

5 Key Takeaways

1. Divorce anxiety doesn’t mean you’ll always feel this way. One of the most painful fears after divorce is believing your current emotions will never change. The episode explains that anxiety often convinces us that today’s feelings are permanent, even though healing is possible and happens gradually over time.
2. Your nervous system may be trying to protect you. After divorce, your body can remain on high alert. Instead of seeing anxiety as a personality trait, see it as a protective response.
3. Trust wounds often sit underneath anxiety. Divorce can damage trust in yourself, other people, and even your future. Rebuilding that trust becomes an important part of emotional healing and learning to feel safe again.
4. Healing isn’t about eliminating every anxious thought. Instead of trying to force anxiety away, understand where it comes from, recognize protective patterns, and develop greater emotional safety over time.
5. Small moments of progress matter. Healing often happens through small decisions, new routines, and moments of hope that gradually create lasting change.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is divorce anxiety?

Divorce anxiety is the ongoing fear, uncertainty, and emotional distress that can occur before, during, or after a divorce. It may include racing thoughts, difficulty sleeping, fear about the future, and feeling overwhelmed by life’s changes.

Is it normal to feel anxious after a divorce?

Yes. Many people experience anxiety after divorce because their lives have changed significantly. Major transitions can leave the nervous system feeling unsafe while it adjusts to new routines, relationships, and responsibilities.

Why is my divorce anxiety worse after the divorce is final?

For many people, anxiety increases after the legal divorce process ends because the reality of the life change begins to settle in. Once the immediate crisis passes, unresolved grief, uncertainty, and trust wounds may become more noticeable.

Can divorce affect your nervous system?

Yes. Divorce can place prolonged stress on the body, which may leave the nervous system in a heightened state of alert. This can contribute to anxiety, emotional overwhelm, difficulty relaxing, and feeling stuck until the body gradually regains a sense of safety.

Will divorce anxiety ever go away?

For many people, divorce anxiety improves as they process their grief, rebuild trust in themselves, and develop healthier emotional regulation. Healing takes time, but anxiety does not have to define your future or become your permanent reality.

Highlights

• 00:00 “Season 5: Healing & Growth”
• 06:12 “Post-Decision Anxiety and Panic”
• 08:56 “What If This Is Life?”
• 12:48 “Turning Point: The Job Hunt”
• 15:15 “Hope Through Pain and Healing”
• 17:45 “Anxiety: Culture, Stigma, and Identity”
• 22:59 Chronic Anxiety and Broken Trust
• 24:48 “Breaking Cycles with Homeopathy”
• 29:27 Rebuilding Trust to Heal Anxiety
• 33:25 “Canceled Trip and Parenting Hurdles”
• 35:07 “Finding Peace in Unexpected Places
• 38:16 “Owning Change During Holidays”
• 41:40 “Why Not Premium?”

Full Transcript

Dawn Wiggins [00:00:01]:

Welcome to season five of Dear Divorce Diary. If your brain has been asking the question, what if this never gets better? Or you’ve been worried that you may always feel like this, or if you’ve been asking yourself, what if I ruined my life? I want you to pause right there because those questions aren’t actually coming from fear, even though that’s what you’re feeling. They’re actually coming from a nervous system that’s trying to prevent you from experiencing another collapse. Today, we’re not going to fix your anxiety, but we’re going to explain it. And that alone is going to help your body exhale. Hi, love. Welcome to Dear Divorce Diary, the podcast helping divorcees go beyond talk therapy to process your grief, find the healing you crave, and build back your confidence. I’m your host, Dawn Wiggins, a therapist, coach, integrative healer, and your say join me for a fresh approach to healing grief and building your confidence after divorce.

Dawn Wiggins [00:01:16]:

Today’s episode is very exciting because A, happy New Year, baby. B, we’re launching season five. We are so excited. And C, we have this series that we’re going to be unfolding over the next six weeks, and we are ridiculously excited to literally walk you through the key things we see hold women back or keep them stuck in their healing journey. And we’re going to be naming in this series the thing under the thing, right? The thing that’s actually going on beneath the surface of what we’re talking about on TikTok or on Instagram. We’re going to explore, explain what’s driving or maintaining the pattern for you so that you can freaking work through it, right? So in today’s episode, we are going to start with the fear of permanence, right? Like this way you feel right now, like, what if it never shifts? And so one of the scariest parts of divorce anxiety isn’t necessarily the panic. It’s the thought that sneaks underneath the panic, right? Like, what if this is just my life now and this feeling never ends? And it’s really interesting that sometimes the worst anxiety shows up after the divorce is final. We’re going to talk a little bit.

Dawn Wiggins [00:02:23]:

Boy, do I have a story about that. We’re going to talk a little bit about why that makes sense. And then later on in the episode, we are going to talk about how anxiety isn’t your personality, it’s a trust fracture, right? One of the key things we really see women struggle with is rebuilding trust with themselves and with other people in the world in relationships and the ability to trust God or the universe or that love actually exists or that secure relationships are possible. Right. There are so many trust fractures that happen that you’re tapped into right now. So we are going to talk about how we can separate the anxiety that you experience from an identity. Because we don’t want you. You hear people say, like, oh, my anxiety, my anxiety.

Dawn Wiggins [00:03:07]:

Right. We don’t want you to claim that. And then at the end of the episode, stay tuned because you have been submitting your wins. And so we are going to debut some segment three, which is small wins, big shifts. And y’ all submitted a lot of wins. And let me tell you, some of them are not small at all. Some of them are massive wins. We have three wins that we’re going to share with you today.

Dawn Wiggins [00:03:28]:

We’re going to reveal them, you know, one episode at a time. We’ll get a get to a few each time. So you’ll want to stay to the end and hear the wins that have been submitted from the community. And if you haven’t submitted one yet, like, get on it, girlfriend. All right, ladies, good morning. Let’s dig in.

Producer Joy [00:03:44]:

Good morning. Good morning.

Dawn Wiggins [00:03:47]:

Also, happy birthday to Joy. It’s her birthday today.

Producer Joy [00:03:50]:

Yes, baby.

Dawn Wiggins [00:03:54]:

Double sag. Double sag, baby.

Producer Joy [00:03:57]:

Yep. Yep. Another trip around the sun. It’s been the best year yet. Can’t wait for next year.

Dawn Wiggins [00:04:04]:

Amazing. How is it feeling sick while you’re. Well, it’s your birthday.

Producer Joy [00:04:11]:

Listen, I will take this over last week, any day of the week. This is just the remnants. I’m feeling good. I sound awful. But you know what? It changed. You know what? It’s so funny. Have you guys seen Friends where that. Where Phoebe gets.

Producer Joy [00:04:27]:

She gets a cold, and so she gets this raspy and she goes into, like, this Jazz senior era. Like, I feel like that’s me. I’m just, like, serious and raspy, right? Like, smelly cat and all the. So funny. Nobody really thinks I’m funny, but I think it’s hilarious.

Dawn Wiggins [00:04:44]:

Well, and to know Joy is to know that all of life for her gets passed through the lens of a Friends episode.

Producer Joy [00:04:53]:

Or the Office. Like, depends. Like, social, awkward, or. Definitely.

Dawn Wiggins [00:05:00]:

All right, let’s talk about. What if this is my life now, right? This fear that the way I feel right now is never going to shift.

Producer Joy [00:05:08]:

I.

Dawn Wiggins [00:05:09]:

And I mean, like, I freaking relate to this so much because I think in the deepest, scariest moments of my life where I couldn’t see the path out, I couldn’t see it, right? I couldn’t find the solutions. I couldn’t get hooked on to the. Like, it’s. I don’t know. Like, that’s just the place where my mind went is like, what if this never passes? And I think it’s really common. Do you all relate?

Producer Joy [00:05:34]:

Absolutely. I was. I was all of a sudden a single mom of three small children. I would get this. This in this rut, this victim of the anxiety of the future. Like, I gave him my best years, and now I’m a single mom of three children. Like, who’s going to want me now? And looking for that to be chosen instead of doing the choosing. And it was very.

Producer Joy [00:06:01]:

I really relate to. Is this it? This is. This is the best it’s ever going to be. Is. You know, that’s it.

Dawn Wiggins [00:06:10]:

Yeah.

Producer Joy [00:06:10]:

So definitely.

Dawn Wiggins [00:06:12]:

So isn’t it interesting how we actually can become more full of anxiety and panicking after the thing happens? And I wonder what y’ all would say about this. But do you relate to maybe, like, to get ourselves to do the thing? And maybe this is different for women who wanted the divorce versus women who didn’t. Right. Because for some women, I think they just got totally blindsided. This wasn’t something that they would have chosen. And so it’s like, you don’t get the opportunity to have, like, anticipatory anxiety. Right. But it’s like, maybe we got the courage or maybe we were angry enough at a point, and then once you’re off that cliff, it’s like, oh, crap, I’m in a panic free fall.

Dawn Wiggins [00:06:59]:

And so then the uncertainty of the future just causes just a cascade of anxiety that we just can’t quite catch up with.

Producer Joy [00:07:07]:

Right, Right. And it’s a whole.

Coach Tiffini [00:07:12]:

I just feel like it took me so much to actually get the balls to leave. Like, I had thought about it leading.

Producer Joy [00:07:19]:

Up to it to the point where.

Coach Tiffini [00:07:21]:

We bought a home together in May and I left in December. So, like, understand that we had gone through the process of buying a home when all the time I had one foot out, I was freaking out. I didn’t really know what was going to work or how it was going to work. So for the level of dissociation and adrenaline that was pumping through me when I finally had to get on the phone and say, this is over. Like. And then I remember I had a friend who would come over every day to just make sure I was eating because I was packing up the house. Like, I was getting ready to leave. It was Christmas time.

Coach Tiffini [00:07:53]:

And so I was just trying to get through the day. And then being bombarded by his five or Six calls a day because he was still overseas. And so it was like. It was. It was horrible. It was horrible. Like, every moment of my life, I felt so disconnected and dissociated.

Producer Joy [00:08:09]:

Yeah. But I didn’t. I didn’t have the vocabulary back then, so I didn’t really understand that I was dissociating or that I even had anxiety about the future or about the situation. I didn’t. I didn’t have the education or the wherewithal or any of the understanding. I just knew that I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep.

Dawn Wiggins [00:08:32]:

Yeah, this is.

Producer Joy [00:08:33]:

This is it. This is. Right. And I. I didn’t. I didn’t know. Of course, I didn’t know what I did now, but I didn’t know then what I was feeling was actually anxiety for the future of my, you know, in my body. I didn’t understand that.

Producer Joy [00:08:54]:

Mm.

Dawn Wiggins [00:08:56]:

So let’s talk a little bit about really, really specifically, like, what if this is my life? Because we see this, the women in our coaching program, right. No matter. In the beginning, in the beginning, no matter how much we reassure them, this is going to shift. This is going to shift, especially for some of them. Like, it really feels so true sometimes. What if this is my life? What if this doesn’t get better? The difficulty we have as women, trusting that help is coming, that a solution is coming, trusting that we are going to overcome, like, there is a point in our lived experience, and perhaps this is to do with our early childhood experience with caregivers. Perhaps it is to do with our relationship with our higher power. Or not.

Monica W [00:09:44]:

Right.

Dawn Wiggins [00:09:44]:

Which often is based on our relationship with our caregivers. Right.

Producer Joy [00:09:47]:

But.

Dawn Wiggins [00:09:47]:

But that difficulty trusting that it’s going to get better is really, really prominent, I think, at some point in every woman’s journey. And I really think that it matters to have some people alongside of you that can say, like, oh, no, no, no, no, that’s not gonna happen. Yeah. And then I think another interesting element of it is that very often the solution comes from somewhere you probably wouldn’t have predicted or. Or like, at a moment that you couldn’t have seen. Like, I can’t tell you how many times in my clients journeys or my own where it’s like, you can’t see the path and you can’t. Right. Like, maybe literally, like on the horizon, there is no clear solution.

Dawn Wiggins [00:10:31]:

And you’ve tapped every resource, you know, to tap. And then like, all of a sudden, Paul Revere comes riding or something, I don’t know, out of Nowhere, right. Like something that didn’t exist before pops into your life. Have either of you ever had an experience like that where you didn’t know where help was gonna come from and then it popp out of the blue?

Producer Joy [00:10:51]:

Hundred percent. I call them God wings. Like there’s, there’s moments. One of my, that popped into my brain when you were talking was I had a friend and she looked at me one day and she said, your story is going to be redeemed regardless of the outcome of your marriage. And I will never forget that moment.

Dawn Wiggins [00:11:11]:

Because it was just like that line a lot.

Producer Joy [00:11:14]:

I do, because it was so impactful to me because I had all these, like, I had all these beautifully smart, amazing, God focused women. I had a therapist. I had multiple therapists. I had, I had you sending me eft. Like I was doing all the things and I didn’t even understand all of them at the time, but I knew that I just had to do them. Like, just take one step. Anna. Anna.

Producer Joy [00:11:35]:

Excuse me, Anna from Frozen. Just the next right step. Right. You just do the next right step. And when she told me that, it was just like, it was like a chance to let go of. Oh, I don’t, I don’t actually have to have it all figured out at this moment. Like, it’s okay and I can trust that the Lord and the universe and everything is going to be okay. It was like my permission to just like breathe.

Producer Joy [00:12:04]:

Take a step and breathe.

Dawn Wiggins [00:12:08]:

Love that Tiffer doodle. Do you have any story that stands out in your mind of like, you didn’t know where the solution was going to come from? But then, boop, it was there.

Coach Tiffini [00:12:16]:

So when I moved to Myrtle Beach, I didn’t have a job, so I was. We had timeshares there, so I’d spent time there. And it just was a place where I felt like I resonated with and I had to be post divorce. And so I decided to move there sight unseen. Literally. Like, I ended up finding a condo at this ridiculous rate that this guy was willing to rent to me. And it was, you know, had ocean views and it was 700amonth, fully furnished for a two bedroom condo. Like, it was amazing, right?

Producer Joy [00:12:46]:

What? Yeah.

Coach Tiffini [00:12:48]:

So like all these things started happening for me, but the job piece was the thing that hadn’t clicked in. And so I remember sitting out there one night thinking, if I don’t find a job within the next two weeks, I’m gonna have to make a decision to either move back home to Pennsylvania or I was gonna have to Go tail back between my. Like, something had to get right. Like, and he was pushing me hard to come back. And, like, it was just so hard. And it was one of those moments where I’m like, am I. Am I nuts? Like, am I nuts? Like, can I actually do this? And I remember I had one more job interview. And I went in and it was a group interview at this small business.

Coach Tiffini [00:13:25]:

And there were five or six of them. It was like a six on one interview. And I literally walked out of there. It was my last shot. And it was pouring, of course, that day. Pouring. And I was still trying to figure out professional Tiffany. Right? So I’m still.

Coach Tiffini [00:13:42]:

I walk in with a nose ring and I’ve got tattoos and I am trying to dress professionally. But, like, let’s be honest, I didn’t have it together.

Producer Joy [00:13:51]:

It did. It did.

Coach Tiffini [00:13:53]:

And so I was still very much like the email girl. So I walk in there, I give the interview. I was very nervous. And they said, okay, like, we’ll hear from, you know, you’ll hear from us at some point. And I’m just like. So I walk outside in the rain. I get in my car, I’m driving. I was not a block away.

Coach Tiffini [00:14:08]:

And he called me and said, please turn around. We want to hire you right now. And that was just like one of those moments where I’m like, oh, my God. And it wasn’t enough money, you guys. I was making $10 an hour. It was not enough money, but I didn’t care. It was enough to get me through. And I’m like, screw this.

Coach Tiffini [00:14:23]:

I’m doing it. And then from there, I just kind of clawed my way up through the corporate scene. But, like, he was my savior. Like, those men in that company, they were fathers to me. Like, when I was in Myrtle, that I needed the most. They were absolutely. And these were the men that looked at me when I was in my party phase and said, you are going to lose everything you have if you do not get your shit together. Like, they could very lovingly pull me on track.

Coach Tiffini [00:14:52]:

And I worked there for 10 years and. And they were just. They did wonders for me. Like, it was amazing. It was exactly what I needed. I could bring my daughter to work in the summer. Like, I mean, just stuff that doesn’t happen. So it was very universal at a time when I felt like the universe was leaving me behind.

Coach Tiffini [00:15:10]:

Let’s be honest.

Dawn Wiggins [00:15:11]:

Like, right my way, nothing was getting my way.

Producer Joy [00:15:15]:

Yeah.

Dawn Wiggins [00:15:15]:

At a time that we’re questioning, like, does true love actually exist? Our relationships actually, like, we’re questioning everything, right? Like, and for sure that includes, like, the existence or of a loving God or whatever it is, right? But, yeah, I feel like as long as we’re open to the miracles, like, they will always, always, always come. And so to the woman who has this fear, like, is how I feel right now permanent? You know, when I got divorced, I had cluster headaches. I had had them diagnosed for a couple of years, and it was all trauma, right? That was showing up as pain. But, you know, when everything. When I would be on the bathroom floor and I would be having a headache and, like, is this my life now, right? Like, just between, like, pain things and, I don’t know, struggling, like, is this what it’s going to be? But inevitably, there would always be a next solution. And next solution, whether it was a new healing modality or a new friend or, you know, somebody that I met who would help. Help carry me through it, like, and. And things did get incrementally better and better and better, right? Like it always does.

Dawn Wiggins [00:16:18]:

Just like Joy said at the top of the episode, like, best year yet. And so no matter how bad the pain was, like, even after my daughter was born, I would get frozen in these moments where the pain would be so severe and I couldn’t get it to shift. And I would say, like, but what if it never ends? And my husband now would always say, like, but it always has. Nothing lasts forever, right? And this pain isn’t gonna last forever. Be open. Be open. Be open, and the solutions will flow in, right? And then you just gotta recognize them when they flow in. You gotta be willing to be like.

Coach Tiffini [00:16:50]:

That’S another point, right? Yeah, you’ve gotta be able to recognize it and receive it. And that’s another issue. And I feel like the women that we work with from an IFS perspective that have very pessimistic parts that were basically conditioned from childhood, that nothing good ever happens for me, no one ever shows up for me. When. When you catch a glimpse of something that looks like it could remotely catch you, like, fucking let it, and you reject it.

Dawn Wiggins [00:17:15]:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it’s. It’s. It’s protective, right? It’s like, no, I’m gonna reject this thing before I can feel rejected by it. And so that pessimistic part, it does. It rejects solutions out of protection. But don’t do that. Yeah, yeah.

Dawn Wiggins [00:17:34]:

All right, let’s talk for a moment. I’m. I’m excited about this next thing we’re going to discuss, but I’m also Excited about how we’re going to discuss it on Thursday in our premium episode.

Coach Tiffini [00:17:44]:

We’re going to do a panel on.

Dawn Wiggins [00:17:45]:

A panel rant on if you’ve ever been told to calm down and, like, you know, like, just. We’re going to just, like, get in the weeds about what that’s like, but also maybe a tiny bit of the science behind it. Okay, but let’s talk about, culturally, how we have started to claim anxiety as like, a living, breathing part of, like, who we are, how we function, our personalities. Like, I am an anxious person. My anxiety. I have anxiety that we have almost been gaslighted into thinking that it’s normal. And so as we’re moving through divorce and we’re feeling that much more anxious, we’re questioning, is this never gonna change? That maybe there’s even this societal confirmation that I have to live with this. Do you guys see this, like, in tv, on the commercials, just in social media in general.

Dawn Wiggins [00:18:36]:

What do you see in the women we work with around this sort of maybe, like, default? I just have to. This is just how it is now because it’s not like anxiety is. It’s not our personalities, right? It’s. It’s a fracture of trust that happened very, very, very early on and then has just been reinforced and reinforced and reinforced in our bodies, actually. Right. Our nerv. But maybe we don’t fully realize that that is something that can be repaired and it’s. It’s not like, who we are.

Coach Tiffini [00:19:05]:

I’m gonna say something super controversial right.

Dawn Wiggins [00:19:07]:

Now.

Coach Tiffini [00:19:10]:

Because this is how I feel. Anxiety, to me, is yet another label that the mental health world doctor psychiatrist put along with depression, did bipolar. It’s yet another thing that we’ve thrown into it. Right? And not that we’re not saying that you don’t exhibit symptoms of those conditions. However, it is a beacon for us. So it’s like, bring us your diagnosis. I want to know all about it, because guess what? In a year or two, you’re not even going to test for that. And I’m a perfect case in Point.

Coach Tiffini [00:19:43]:

At 19, I was diagnosed with dissociative detachment disorder.

Dawn Wiggins [00:19:47]:

Beautiful.

Coach Tiffini [00:19:48]:

And I wore that like a fucking shield. I was like, well, I can’t do that. And I used it as an expression, excuse in all my relationships to say, well, I’m sorry, I can’t get too close to you. Like, I just have this thing and, like, it prevents me from da, da, da, instead of working on it. So I think that that’s the first thing is that when people give You a diagnosis, it feels super scary. So when they say, like, I struggle with anxiety, it just. It becomes an identity instead of something to work through.

Dawn Wiggins [00:20:12]:

I think at first, people really love getting a diagnosis is what I see. Yeah, like, it feels really good. It’s like, oh, this explains me. And there’s relief in that. And actually, when we name things, right, it helps calm the cingulate cortex, the. Of the brain that gets hyperactive and helps contribute to the felt sense of anxiety. And so, yeah, naming something does calm the cingulate cortex. But then when it starts to become a belief, because what is a belief other than a thought that has been rehearsed? When you have a thought and you rehearse it enough times, eventually it becomes a belief.

Dawn Wiggins [00:20:46]:

Now, you’ve trained your reticular. Reticular activating system to see the whole world according to your belief. And then. So it is. What were you gonna say, Joy?

Producer Joy [00:20:55]:

No, I feel like. So in the. In the. For sure. In the mom space in the. Your back to your question, Don, was is it kind of like a badge of honor? Is it socially acceptable? It’s like almost every woman I know takes. And it’s like once you start taking something, it’s just assumed you’re always gonna be on it, right? And these. These.

Producer Joy [00:21:20]:

These prescriptions, these pharmaceuticals were designed as a bridge. They were designed to get you to the other side of your healing journey, not for you to stay on. And this concept of once you get on and you just stay on and you just increase your dose and you increase. Don has some phenomenal statistics that. That she’s thrown in previous episodes about the suicide rate goes up the longer you’re on things, the depression, the harder it is. Right? And so, like, I. It’s. It’s so kind of heartbreaking to me to have a woman who is confiding in me and then she, you know, mentions that she’s on these things, but there’s no action or plan to get off of them, and it should never be.

Producer Joy [00:22:09]:

And. And like, listen, if you’re on these things, I am so grateful that they are available to you to have.

Dawn Wiggins [00:22:17]:

I was on Clonic for years.

Producer Joy [00:22:20]:

I am not shaming you for taking these medications, but I do encourage our listeners, like, if you are on them, okay, let’s. Let’s have a roadmap. Let’s have a game plan to get. To get from point A to point B and then eventually point C off of them. The women in our. In our membership, like, that is one of the first things we start with is working on tools and tasks and things to. And homeopathy to. To bridge that gap and able to wean them off.

Producer Joy [00:22:49]:

That’s a goal. Like we want. We want them to be off medication because again, it should be a bridge. It should never be the lawn road.

Dawn Wiggins [00:22:59]:

So if we have chronic anxiety, what that tells us is trust was broken at some point in your lived experience. Right. That there was enough of a profound break in trust that is hard for you to feel safe in the world. And so, so many women we see have the goal to not repeat past relationship mistakes, to not end up in another relationship where they don’t feel cherished or held or safe or secure or. Right. And so if you have chronic anxiety and you’re dating, or if you’re on an anxiety med and you’re dating, just notice that the core trust wound has not been recovered yet or enough for you to have a sense of security in the world. And so then you’re still attracting dating partners or life experiences from that place of broken trust. And if it’s hard for you to feel safe in the world, you are going to be attracting partners who also struggle to feel safe in the world and have their own adaptive methods or strategies for trying to feel safe, which might look like codependency or narcissism or, you know, you name it.

Dawn Wiggins [00:24:04]:

Right. Blame shifting, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. All the things all of us humans do to try to feel safe when we aren’t. Right. And so we really want you to hear us today talking about anxiety through the lens of trust and how that feels in your body, because chronic anxiety is absolutely a flag that trust needs to be repaired inside of you and your nervous system. And the way that you experience relationships, would you say that differently, ladies?

Producer Joy [00:24:34]:

No. I actually really love the way you said. I loved what you heard.

Coach Tiffini [00:24:39]:

Yeah, yeah, I agree. And I think that that is one of the biggest fears of the women that we work with, is that they’re going to repeat the same mistake.

Dawn Wiggins [00:24:47]:

Realize it. Yeah.

Coach Tiffini [00:24:48]:

Or like they’re going to get sucked back in and then it’s going to be too late and they’re going to just continue to repeat the cycles. And again with the medication, look, all of us, like I said, I was on Celexa for 10 years, but it didn’t help me heal the underlying issues to why I was on it. Right. It just kind of kept me. I won’t even say operating as a zombie, but it gave me a level of like. Like whatever. We’re at baseline, but honestly, like Turning the corner with homeopathy, that has given me more results in less time. Like, I’d say I’d got more results in homeopathy in six months than I got in 10 years on Celexa.

Dawn Wiggins [00:25:25]:

You know, homeopathy is one of the things that came out of left field. Like, I.

Producer Joy [00:25:29]:

As.

Dawn Wiggins [00:25:30]:

As informed as I was about natural healing and as enveloped, I would really say, immersed in functional medicine and alternative therapies. I’d never heard of homeopathy. And all of a sudden, like, it just flew in to my Instagram feed one day. Like, you never know where the solution is coming from. Loves. And. Yeah, it can do so much. Right? And homeopathy alone hasn’t recovered us all.

Dawn Wiggins [00:25:55]:

We’ve used all the techniques that we talk about. Yeah. Yeah.

Coach Tiffini [00:26:00]:

It’s everything.

Producer Joy [00:26:04]:

So, Don, I have a funny little. Just like, little. And a funny little thing. Little Women, the original with. With Winona Rotter. Yeah. And get sick. They pull out the book and she’s presenting his article.

Producer Joy [00:26:22]:

And my girls were on the couch and like, mom, you know what I mean? Like, it was like, it. It is. It’s embedded in these little historical themes. And so it’s so crazy.

Dawn Wiggins [00:26:34]:

Was it the belladonna they used and was it for fever? I remember that scene where they were, like, cold in there, right? Like, and somebody had a fever or something.

Producer Joy [00:26:40]:

She was. Yep. Beth had it. Right. We just watched this this past week. It was. Beth had scarlet fever. And so Jo was sitting on the bed with the book.

Producer Joy [00:26:50]:

You know, she’s like. She’s presenting, right? Exactly. That’s what she was doing. She was. She’s presenting as this. But we’ve Did. We’ve tried this and nothing’s. And she wound up having severe heart damage.

Producer Joy [00:27:02]:

But the mom came in and, you know, saved the day and bought her a little bit more time before she, you know, spoiler.

Dawn Wiggins [00:27:07]:

But Joy, that’s so good. Like, it was so.

Producer Joy [00:27:14]:

But yes. I remember the day you found homeopathy on Instagram and you were just like.

Dawn Wiggins [00:27:19]:

I was all in.

Producer Joy [00:27:21]:

Yeah. All in from the beginning. So he dragged everybody.

Coach Tiffini [00:27:27]:

We’re going kick.

Producer Joy [00:27:29]:

Kicking and screaming now.

Coach Tiffini [00:27:30]:

This will fix. Yeah, well, that’s what we discussed last week, right. In order to work. In order to work here on this team, you have to take homeopathy. It’s on your work contract. You know, like, you gotta. You gotta be willing to do the work for sure.

Producer Joy [00:27:46]:

But yeah, I just wanna. I just do wanna say that homeopathy isn’t like, it’s not magic. Like, you have to do the work with it. Like it’s a tool. And it’s definitely, it’s, it’s an incredible tool, but like it’s not. You can’t just take, take a spray and all of your problems go away. You still have to do self development, you still have to do self work. Ifs has been pivotal, like all these things.

Producer Joy [00:28:13]:

This, it is absolutely incredible.

Coach Tiffini [00:28:16]:

But, and I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again in our 12 month program, I always find it fascinating that the first three months all the women are focused on the divorce and then the next nine months we spend on childhood trauma care. Because it is, that is everything, right?

Dawn Wiggins [00:28:32]:

It is everything.

Coach Tiffini [00:28:34]:

And there’s so much living underneath the surface. It’s just that your divorce feels so heavy now because it is so powerfully triggering things that were activated in you as a child that are now getting reactivated. And so I just, I love doing the deep, deep work with women and watching them connect the dots and make the connections. And that’s how we understand our cycles, is by truly making the connections to our younger parts and just being able to work through them and seeing them. Like, I love getting the text messages of, hey, like I identified a new cycle. Like I figured out why I’m doing this because it’s like they’re doing the work. And yes, it is hard work, but oh my God, like wouldn’t you rather just do the work one time? Like, wouldn’t you rather get through that to get to the other side rather than, you know, like just him hauling around for a decade Like I did that. Ladies, 0 to 10.

Coach Tiffini [00:29:24]:

Like, do not recommend him hawing for 10 years.

Dawn Wiggins [00:29:27]:

But isn’t it interesting also, like when we see the women we work with really believe that so much of what they’re feeling present day is 100 about present day and it’s not right. Like, the fact that you have anxiety is really only a tiny little bit about this husband and this divorce. It is so much more about the brain map and the trust that was broken early, early, early in your life. And then you just keep re experiencing it and re experiencing it re experiencing it. And this person that you married and this divorce you’re experiencing is just the vehicle for you to feel and experience and work through all of the shit that’s connected from all of the years. And so when your parts, your younger, more vulnerable parts start to feel safe inside of you and inside of the world, the anxiety goes, your wellbeing increases exponentially. But it’s about being able to rebuild trust cell by cell inside of your own body. And we’re going to, in this sort of six week series, get into all the reasons why we don’t rebuild trust or how we get distracted from rebuilding trust, how we the things that are going on beneath what you think is happening that is keeping you stuck and not being able to trust, keeping you stuck in anxiety loops.

Dawn Wiggins [00:30:47]:

Next week we’re going to talk about overthinking and control as a form of anxiety and how that manifests and how it keeps you stuck. And all of these lived experiences live in your cells, in your nervous system responses and are like these felt senses that allow us to access the stuff when you were younger, even if you can’t remember it. Totes okay. Totes fine. The body remembers, the body keeps the score. If you relate to anxiety being a trust issue at all or you can sort of start to connect the dots or you’re just tired of feeling out of control, man. Stay tuned for these several weeks series that we’re going to dig into. And if you’ve never watched us on YouTube, hey, come find us on YouTube because we’re going to be over there now.

Dawn Wiggins [00:31:31]:

So cool.

Coach Tiffini [00:31:33]:

You can see, you can wave now and people can see us.

Dawn Wiggins [00:31:36]:

Yeah. Yay. All right, let’s. Oh, I am so excited for this next part. Our third segment, small wins, big shifts. So our listeners have been submitting their wins and we’ve been getting to receive them and hear them or read them or you name it, right? And so we are going to now start sharing them with you. I think we decided every other week. And so when you hear us call small wins, big shifts, like listen for your share.

Dawn Wiggins [00:32:06]:

And if you haven’t submitted your wins yet, like I want you to pause for a moment and ask yourself why, if you have not sent a win in yet, really feel into it, what is the reason you haven’t? And then I want you to ask yourself, is that reason contributing to your healing or contributing to your stuckness? I don’t know the answer. We don’t know the answer. But I just want you to check it out because we literally have trained ourselves and want to include you in that to looking for the silver linings or the positives along the way. Right? Because we have to train our reticular activating systems to see the good in life, especially when we feel paralyzed in the bad. So send us your wins. Now. We’re going to share three with you today. The first one is an audio two.

Dawn Wiggins [00:32:58]:

We’re going to read to you this Audio like, oh my goodness, it is going to take you on a ride. It is so good, so good, so good. We’re going to hear from Monica. We’re going to play this for you right now. Join us in feeling into what she felt as she is sharing this with us. And imagine she is just another you love that you can claim these same wins for yourself.

Producer Joy [00:33:19]:

Off.

Dawn Wiggins [00:33:20]:

Let’s hear from Monica.

Monica W [00:33:25]:

So my closest single mom friend who’s been helping me so much in my healing journey, has an opposite schedule as me with her kids. And we wanted to take a road trip. And so I asked my ex if we could switch for this past weekend, but he had this crazy DJ party that he wanted to go and get wild and no, he didn’t want to switch. So I, I found each of my kids sleepovers and I, I’m not that good at that. So that felt like an accomplishment that my kids were excited about a place to go and I thought I’d mom organized it and we were gonna go to Santa Barbara. We were gonna go thrift store shopping and do a bunch of hiking and it was going to be awesome. But on Friday morning, my daughter woke up with a fever and I just knew I couldn’t, I couldn’t send her sick to a friend’s house. And I didn’t know if it would get worse, so I canceled the trip.

Monica W [00:34:30]:

And I just was a mom, but I had all this extra time. So frustrated, just sitting there crying, actually. And then I realized, you know, my priority is my kids. And so I just did a lot of walking and a lot of listening to meditation teachings. And as I was walking, I found this lending book library, you know, like in my neighborhood. And I picked up this book. It’s called Imperfect. It’s called Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships.

Monica W [00:35:07]:

And I didn’t even think anything of it. Just brought it home, made a fire, just relaxing and opened it up. And it was actually the exact book that I needed. It’s so much about letting go of grievances and opening up, healing your own heart, everything that, you know, the Dear Divorced Diary podcast talks about. So I feel like I’m getting it reinforced in all these different places. And I just made a fire, laid in my bed, read this book, really absorbed it and hoped to continue to absorb it. And I didn’t feel sorry about not being able to do this trip anymore. I just thought like, this was something perfect and it’s important.

Monica W [00:36:01]:

I feel my heart is opening and softening and not just healing, but like expanding. So that’s a Win.

Coach Tiffini [00:36:09]:

Thanks.

Dawn Wiggins [00:36:14]:

Okay, Joy, as you were listening, I saw you nodding along. You were on the ride with Monica, and I just know when you said. When she said, and then I lit a fire, you were like, ooh, why didn’t you invite me?

Producer Joy [00:36:26]:

Fire in a book? Are you kidding? Just throw in a cup of tea and a blanket, like, I’m. I’m game. But fact that she found that book, and it’s like, that’s the moments. Like, those are the moments. We’re talking about a God wink. Yes. Yes. So beautiful.

Producer Joy [00:36:40]:

I love that. Thank you.

Dawn Wiggins [00:36:42]:

I can’t imagine how many times y’ all have heard me say and then graciously said alongside of me, everything is always working out when that’s the mental or emotional posture that we take in life. Right. Like, I can imagine how devastated she felt when she had to cancel the trip. But then also, apparently, what she needed was all this space to focus on what she needed. Right. And sometimes that is the. The truth of the thing. We get what we need, not we want.

Producer Joy [00:37:13]:

Yeah.

Coach Tiffini [00:37:13]:

Yeah.

Dawn Wiggins [00:37:14]:

But, yeah. This is a beautiful win and a very keen example of everything is always working out for us, even when it doesn’t feel like it.

Coach Tiffini [00:37:21]:

And I can remember as a single mom, never feeling like you could catch a break, you know, and just wanting time for yourself.

Dawn Wiggins [00:37:27]:

Yeah.

Coach Tiffini [00:37:28]:

So just kind of figuring out in that moment. And I will say this, too. Like, so many of our women, they don’t want to sit in it. They don’t want to sit in it. And so I don’t want to sit in it.

Producer Joy [00:37:40]:

I know.

Coach Tiffini [00:37:43]:

Yeah.

Dawn Wiggins [00:37:45]:

Yeah. Awesome. Okay. Joyous. You got one for us?

Producer Joy [00:37:50]:

I do. I’ve got a win coming from Laurie. She said, let’s celebrate.

Dawn Wiggins [00:37:55]:

Laurie.

Producer Joy [00:37:56]:

Laurie. She says, I bought a new tiny lighted Christmas tree just for me. I am looking forward to counting my blessings and sending out Christmas cards with updates. So much different this year. But my life is not over just because someone chose to stop loving me. Lori, I just.

Dawn Wiggins [00:38:16]:

Thank you so much. I want a picture of the tree, so there’s that. Please send us a picture. And I think that owning the differences right during the holidays, like, just owning, like, I’m gonna make a new life for myself, and I’m okay with it a little bit being out of spite at first. I don’t know. That might be a spicy hot take. How do you ladies feel about that? I.

Producer Joy [00:38:38]:

As our Thursday episode is going to be. I have a little. Have a little spiteful self. Like a part.

Dawn Wiggins [00:38:47]:

Yeah.

Producer Joy [00:38:47]:

Of me that’s a little spiteful. So I’M okay with a little bit.

Dawn Wiggins [00:38:51]:

Of strategy to get you right.

Producer Joy [00:38:53]:

Because honestly, for me, a bit of spitefulness is like, it’s like validation and vindication. For myself, like, it’s self vindication. It’s self validation itself. A little bit. Little bit of self energy. Of. Of like. No, like, I’m actually.

Producer Joy [00:39:10]:

Yeah, right, right. So maybe a little thuggish, but like.

Coach Tiffini [00:39:15]:

That thug life energy, that’s okay.

Dawn Wiggins [00:39:18]:

Right?

Coach Tiffini [00:39:18]:

And I feel like. I feel like personally, a lot of us have been suppressing for so long in our marriages that when we get out on the other side of it, it comes out as anger and spite, and that’s the only way we know how to express it in the moment. And I think that that’s okay.

Dawn Wiggins [00:39:33]:

Yeah, right. It takes practice and expression. And expression. And expression. Absolutely. Also, Lori, I want to be on your Christmas list. Like, we. Right.

Dawn Wiggins [00:39:42]:

Like, Lori, can we be friends?

Producer Joy [00:39:48]:

What a Christmas card.

Dawn Wiggins [00:39:49]:

I know. Awesome. All right, Coach Tiffany, what you got for us?

Coach Tiffini [00:39:55]:

All right, so we have another win coming in from Jamie. Jamie says my win is that this past weekend, even though I’m dreading the holidays this year, I decorated my house for Christmas. It brought me a lot of joy in the moment even though I bald shortly after. Lol.

Dawn Wiggins [00:40:14]:

Okay, but, Jamie, sometimes that’s how it be, right? Like, we feel. We feel good, and then we have a little more capacity to feel or process or release. Release, maybe. I don’t know. Would you say that differently, Tiffany? Like, sometimes helps release.

Coach Tiffini [00:40:29]:

Yeah, it helps release.

Producer Joy [00:40:30]:

Right.

Dawn Wiggins [00:40:31]:

So you know, ladies, that you are celebrating, like, decorating your houses and reclaiming your spaces. Oh, we have some women in our current program that have been really focused on redecorating their spaces. Like, this is a common them theme post divorce.

Producer Joy [00:40:45]:

Right?

Dawn Wiggins [00:40:45]:

I think we all want, like, new sheets, new bed, new whatever.

Producer Joy [00:40:49]:

Right?

Dawn Wiggins [00:40:49]:

We do whatever we can per our budget. But yeah, like owning your space and. And making it feel good. And that is all part of creating a felt sense of safety in today. And I am so proud of Jamie and Lori and Monica. Thank you for sending us your wins. It takes vulnerability to do this. It takes a commitment to being in the solution to do this.

Dawn Wiggins [00:41:12]:

It took literal effort for you to send it and then for you to take the time to listen back. Like, I cannot thank you enough. We cannot thank you enough for sending these to us. They put a smile on our face when we see them pop in the box or wherever they get sent. So send us your voice notes, send us your wins. We want to hear them. They’re Amazing. Okay.

Dawn Wiggins [00:41:30]:

Tiny bit of homework.

Producer Joy [00:41:31]:

Ooh.

Dawn Wiggins [00:41:32]:

How’d you feel in your body when I said homework?

Coach Tiffini [00:41:38]:

Out there are, like, at full attention.

Dawn Wiggins [00:41:40]:

At full attention, but maybe with a twist in the gut. Okay. If you are not a premium subscriber, we want to know why. What is your lived experience of being a listener on this podcast that says, like, that’s not for me. I’m. We are just so genuinely curious. Did you know that we have premium workshops where you get to attend with coach Tiffany every month? Did you know that there are certain products that are only available to premium listeners? Did you know that there are so many healing tracks where we do healing, not just talk about healing and premium behind the scenes stuff that we talk about that we will not talk about in front of a paywall. So, like, we are genuinely curious and from a place of vulnerability.

Dawn Wiggins [00:42:27]:

Need your feedback. What is it about premium that I don’t know, for whatever reason, what’s your experience as a listener that we need to understand better? So please, please, please send us a DM on Instagram, either on Wiggins on Instagram, or send us an email helloycoachdon.com and just like, help us help some sisters out. All right. Thank you so much for being here. Season five. This is a big, big deal. You as our listener are a a big freaking deal. Without you, there is no us.

Dawn Wiggins [00:43:00]:

We love you so much. We will see you Thursday for our panel rant on. You need to calm down. We love you so much. Peace, Dear. Divorce Diary is a podcast by My Coach Dawn. You can find more at mycoachdawn.com.