Master the Basics of Manifesting Post-Divorce

Today, let’s start with the basics of manifesting.

What is Manifesting?

As a therapist, I see manifesting as focusing your thoughts and emotions to achieve your goals.
By clearly envisioning what you want and maintaining a positive mindset, you can align your actions with your aspirations.
Remember, manifesting works best when paired with practical steps and a bit of self-care. Stay positive, set clear intentions, and take action toward your dreams.
Your life in its current existence is your manifestation, meaning you co-created this life with people, with your ex, with your family, and with your friends.
You manifested this, and you may not have done it on purpose. You may not have realized you were manifesting this life, but this is a manifestation.
Everything that we women experience in life is a manifestation of how we have been thinking, feeling, and behaving.
Our thoughts, our feelings, and our choices all contribute to this. >woman with long brown hair sitting in yoga pose in a wild flower bed, surrounded by trees to master the basics of manifesting.

How to Manifest Your Life After Divorce

You can think of your post-divorce life like a soup, and the combination of the ingredients and the flavors of those ingredients creates this life.
And right now, I am pretty confident that you don’t like the flavor of this soup and that you want to create a different dish.

#1 Life Happens for You Not To You – Manifest With Intention

To make any changes, take a look at the ingredients that you have been putting into the manifestational soup. In the basics of manifesting, the first mindset shift you have to make is the idea that nothing in this life is happening to you. You are not a passive bystander. You are not being punished by God.
To a large extent, you get to shape your life after divorce.

You Control (Mostly) How You Manifest

You are not a victim, and you can be, in large part, in control of how you manifest your own life.
You cannot control all the circumstances around you, but you can certainly find yourself intentionally in different circumstances as a result of manifesting.
Let’s look at some examples. I cannot control if a politician in my town passes a law that affects some way that I live my life. I cannot control that my kid’s school put in a policy where they’re instituting uniforms. I can’t control that.
But I do have control over how I respond to it, how I work with it, and whether I experience it as happening for me to my benefit or not.
Woman with long brown hair, put up in a bun, sky in rainbow colors behind her. You Are In Control of How You Respond.

You Are In Control of How You Respond

I have control over the decisions that I make, and whether or not I experience massive amounts of resistance in a day or I’m in a flow state.
I can’t control all the circumstances outside of me, but I can have greater control inside of me. Not in a way that leaves me numb, suppressed, and disconnected, but in a way that has me so connected that I feel safe.
I feel a flow state. I feel a great amount of ease. It’s how we women respond to those things and how we integrate them that gives us greater control and allows us to manifest intentionally so that we have delicious-tasting soup and that we experience the hardships in life radically differently, to the point that they become less hard.
The first mindset shift is: None of this is happening to you.
You can step into empowerment and manifest with intention. But first, you have to be willing to acknowledge that what exists in your post-divorce life today, you did that. Now, the good things that happen, you did that too. And I bet that’s not your knee-jerk reaction.
Your knee-jerk reaction is, “I didn’t do it. He did it.”
This is often what I hear from my clients.

Childhood Trauma and the Way We Manifest

I still have a tendency, in my language, to explain how trauma happened to me as a young person—and that’s true. It affected my nervous system, how I move through life, how I process things, and how much ease or unease I feel in life. But there are language choices, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that I still do sometimes that still put me in a victim mindset that doesn’t serve me. This affects my manifestation. So it’s being able to catch ourselves when we women put ourselves into this.
When I say, “I didn’t do it. It’s not my fault,” I don’t have a control mindset, and I have to shift that.
Woman in transparent dress with underwear, in the clouds, clouds highlighted in pink. Everything is Energy.

#2 Everything is Energy

What does manifest mean, and how does manifesting work? Let’s start with a basic analogy.
Everything in life is energy and has a vibrational quality, including our emotions, our thoughts, our choices, the plants around us, and the air around us.
Albert Einstein taught us that energy cannot be created or destroyed. It can only be transformed. If everything has energy, then it’s learning how to work with those energies, how to perceive and sense vibrations, and how to be intentional about how we’re working with energy. Round mirror in empty room, with blue and pink walls, foot rest in front of it. Master the basics of manifesting. How resistance helps.

#3 How Resistance Helps to Get What You Want

Here’s another way to think about it: I get in my car this morning and there is an engine system that allows the car to have a gas pedal and a brake pedal. Both pedals require the transfer of energy to go or to stop.
What would happen if I just got into my car, turned it on and I stepped on the gas pedal without care or considering what direction I was going in?
Well, in my yard, my car would be under a pile of bricks. It would not be good. It would cause tons of damage, and I would not have accomplished my goal. This car analogy is a brilliant way of understanding how far or how quickly we women can execute our goals and get in the direction that we want to go.
The gas is momentum. The brake is resistance. Where do I want to go? I need to go in reverse. I need to turn left. I need to turn right. We can plot our course and then effectively use the gas or the break to accomplish what we need to.
Now, in this analogy, what is gas, and what is the brake? Negative emotion, resistance,  resentment, doubt, fear, shame, and depression are the brake pedal to intentional manifestation of a delicious life. The gas is positive things like anticipation, joy, education, knowledge—all the goodness of life.
Now, we can’t stay in that positive space all the time because if we just lay on the gas in the car, we would crash and burn.
Concrete stairs going up on the outside of a concrete building. Building is painted in rainbow colors. We are in Control of Experiencing Negative or Positive Feelings.

#4 We are in Control of Experiencing Negative or Positive Feelings

We women do need certain amounts of resistance to keep going in the direction that we want to go. We need brakes to deal with things in our environment. So all of a sudden, I turn onto a street, and I realize there’s a one-way sign and I didn’t notice it in time. I will need to use the brakes. If I see a pedestrian, I will need to stop accordingly.
There are experiences in life that will kick up resistance and negative emotions. Living means we women will be exposed to growth, challenges, and other people’s vibrational states.
How often are you frustrated with how other people are driving their cars, whether it’s on the road or how they’re treating people in a relationship? But at the end of the day, we are in control of whether or not we primarily experience positive emotions, like anticipation, optimism, and empowerment, and see ourselves as capable, willing, and supported versus feeling victimized.
This one mindset shift automatically means we can better control the map of where we’re going and how quickly we get there.
So let’s dig a little deeper into how not to feel like a victim and to keep having positive anticipation, even though you’ve experienced very painful things. Graphic of a woman's head looking to the left, arrows in four colors pointing to the left. Hair connected to waves in rainbow colors going to the right side of the graphic. Staying Positive When Experiencing Negative Outcomes.

#5 Staying Positive When Experiencing Negative Outcomes

Firstly, it requires a deep personal relationship with God, a higher power, or a divine intelligence and organization – not chaos. What grounds our work using the basics of manifesting is the idea that we were created with a plan and a purpose.
The more we can be in tune with God and God’s idea for us in our life after divorce, the better things feel, the easier it is to rest and to anticipate positive things.
If you are anything like me, you have fought hard against that at many junctures. I said, “I need to control. I must have this particular outcome.” When it wasn’t going my way, I would wrestle with God and resist God’s feedback in my life.
The more I understand the sense of God’s existence in my life, how guided my path is and how beautiful my path is unfolding to be, the less stressed I get about any number of things.
If my kid or my husband is going through something, I’m able to say, “This must be happening on my behalf according to a higher intelligence and a higher purpose.” This is very much how I got through my divorce.
I said, “I did a pretty crappy job of getting myself to this point because I am in so much pain. I want to understand more about myself and God’s intention in my life, and I want to re-roll this thing so that I can build a better boat next time.”
I adopted the mindset that this was happening for me and not to me and that I was going to work through it that way. Eventually, I came to believe that I didn’t make a mistake in that first marriage, that my mistake was doubting that the plan was perfectly unfolding the way that it needed to happen. Ceramic bowls with flower heads in them. Flower heads placed around bowls and with water inside bowls. Everything Happens for a Reason.

#6 Everything Happens for a Reason

My mistake was shaming, blaming, or punishing myself or believing I was being punished.
In each phase of my life, I have become more intentional and have deepened my ability to hear God in my life.
When you start to put all these pieces together, you have a greater sense of security.
It’s believing that everything will work out in the end as long as you stay in the direction of alignment. It is knowing that you’re using a map. You’re not just going to get in the car, slam on the gas, and then slam on the brake. You’re intentional. Green concrete steps going up the wall, door opening in pink to the right.Each Thought Dictates How Life Turns Out.

#7 Each Thought Dictates How Life Turns Out

When you start living your life in this way, there’s greater peace.
You start to understand that each thought, feeling, and behavior dictates how well life turns out or doesn’t.
Sometimes, there will be resistance, but do I just slam on the brake, stay there, and stop going anywhere? Or do I get better at saying, “Let me find a tool. Let me find a solution. Let me figure out how to make sense of this.” Woman in white dress, walking in rainbow light, pulling the end of her dress after her. Love is the Groundwork for Everything.

#8 Love is the Groundwork for Everything

You can, little by little over time, move your life in the direction of amazing things. This is what starts to lay the groundwork for the capacity to forgive all the people who have wronged you and how you have wronged yourself.
We women punish ourselves by shutting down our hearts, and then we don’t know how to receive love.
We feel like everything is shitty because we’re blocking it off. We’ve just stepped on the brakes and not let anything good in. White, rose and pink white flowers in a vase. Basics of Manifesting Post-Divorce.

Manifestation, Love & Basics

So let’s recap the basics of manifesting:
Check your mindset, your relationship with God, and work toward forgiveness.
I am so excited for you.

Divorce recovery coach Dawn Wiggins

...helps people crack open. Challenging the status quo, she integrates multiple modalities from EMDR to EFT tapping, journaling, homeopathy, and movement, embracing remedies that heal both the mind and body. Divorce recovery coach Dawn Wiggins is on a mission to deliver life-changing therapy in an accessible, scalable, affordable way and make waves in the world of mental health with the same enlightenment that happens in her office. Part science, part essential oils, pure magic.

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